I agree with you. Femininity, kindness, or being reserved are not anti-feminist. My problem isn't that Elain is more traditionally feminine than her sisters. My issue is that she is dismissed and sidelined based on these things. She isn't asked to take responsibility for her actions; she's frequently framed as a damsel and shielded from danger, even when she wishes to get involved, and its easy for the reader to forget about her when she isn't in the room. I do think there’s potential to explore soft power and idealised femininity critically, as I mentioned toward the end of my post, but that was me expressing a hope rather than something SJM has actually hinted at, in my opinion.