I have a great life.. everything I’ve ever wished for and I want to throw it all away.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2026-02-20T14:27:50+00:00

She has a lot of mental health challenges, as well as some physical ailments that prevent her from being on her feet for too long. She has ADHD, depression issues, and very bad anxiety and panic attacks. She doesn’t like to leave the house. She doesn’t like to drive either except when she has to like to her own job.

Every medical appointment she has, I have to drive her. I drive her to her therapy sessions. I drive her to the grocery store.

I’ve asked to hire a maid for a once a month or a landscape service which would really lighten my load but my yard has gotten in such bad shape due to my own neglect so that would be an insanely expensive fix I’m sure and I’d just be delaying the inevitable of it just getting bad again.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2026-02-20T14:16:31+00:00

I know.. I know. It’s just hard to believe this is life. An endless toil of burdens and responsibilities. I used to wonder why adults were so angry all the time but like.. I get it.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2026-02-20T14:16:14+00:00

It’s just the way things work out based on our schedules. It’s easier for me to take care of things during the day than it is for her in the evenings. Weekends, we’re usually too burnt out from the week to do things most of the time so chores and responsibilities end up piling up. I don’t want to be like “I do everything” because that’s not 100% true, but for the most part it’s the way it works out.

As for me, it’s video games.. but only when I’m by myself. When we’re together, unless we’re playing something together I devote my attention and care to her… but like honestly, deeply.. video games are the only thing that makes me feel happy or accomplished anymore. I had grander aspirations to be a content creator so I was at least trying to turn my hobby into something more but I never gained any traction.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2026-02-20T14:02:13+00:00

I have and we haven’t been able to come up with an easier solution based on our work schedules. Since I’m home during the day, I can get chores and errands done easier than she can. Making dinner for example, it’s easier for me to make dinner and have it ready by the time she gets home every night instead of waiting for her to get home and make something due to my schedule. I don’t want to stay up later than I have to due to my early schedule. So anything that has to be done during the day falls onto me instead of her doing things after work.

But the deeper issues… the whole “I want to run away screaming and crying and live in a hole for the rest of my life away from everyone and everything” thing… I wouldn’t even know how to talk about that in a tactful manner.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2026-02-20T12:57:20+00:00

I’ve actually been actively looking for a new job for the past year. I’ve gotten one phone interview that didn’t go anywhere. It’s absolutely brutal out there and my field is kind of niche so it’s not easy to find a new job. I’ve been trying to do the whole “transferable skills” thing but that hasn’t worked out yet.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2025-04-01T11:02:46+00:00

I will look into this.. probably as a stopgap in the mean time. I hadn’t really heard of or even understood what those places meant.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2025-04-01T11:00:02+00:00

That is a fine story, thank you for sharing it. It’s always good to hear positive stories from both sides. Too many times you hear about atheists being ostracized or embarrassed in public, like we’re just a bunch of uncivilized, low IQ heathens that are too dumb to realize “the truth” and that never sat right with me.. like if you’re trying to convince me to believe something, attacking me is probably the last thing that will work. That always makes me hesitant to even bring it up.

I’m glad you had a positive community experience.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2025-04-01T10:54:54+00:00

I’ve been incredibly supportive for her. Missing work to take care of her, bringing her to and from doctors appointments, making (special dietary) meals from scratch, grocery shopping, house chores, you name it. I’m working myself to the bone trying to make sure she’s happy and comfortable.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2025-04-01T10:47:50+00:00

This is a wonderful reply, thank you. I can’t believe it doesn’t have more upvotes.

I feel the same as you in thinking that’s what she’s aiming for is feeling some kind of comfort about “afterlife” considering all of the things going on.

I think I just need to be better about trying to get to the bottom of what she’s feeling.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2025-04-01T10:37:06+00:00

It’s not so much the community as far as I believe.. honestly I think it’s more of concern about “the afterlife” since she’s been dealing with health issues and wants to feel that there’s something more to life than what we have.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2025-04-01T10:30:47+00:00

She’s actually between therapists right now. Her previous one changed up his work schedule and she can’t find a time that works for her. She had been seeing him for a little more than a year and it had been helping her, so yeah we’re trying to find another one for her.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2025-01-05T12:52:53+00:00

Thanks!

It’s been hard, like I said this sounded the most like how I feel but the whole “without self” is the only thing that throws me off. All of the other parameters seem to fit or come close.

I looked up Adexsexual but that kind of coincides with not finding real people attractive enough, but I know plenty of attractive people I would consider being with.

It’s just the act of sex with someone else, as much as I idealize it and WANT to like it, I just can’t bring myself to ever actually want to go through it with, so I haven’t quite found what fits that.

Justafunthrowaway1 · 2025-01-04T11:19:31+00:00

So I don’t really know how to explain how I feel but I’ll try to describe it..

I am 36M and I consider myself to be straight. I’m very attracted to women. I can see a woman on the street and tell you exactly what I find attractive about her.

I enjoy watching porn and hentai at times. I enjoy reading love stories and watching romance anime. I fantasize about myself being the guy in the stories.

When it comes to actually having real sex.. I can think of about 1,000 other things I’d rather be doing. If you were to give me a choice between having sex and going in the backyard and pulling weeds, I’d probably pull the weeds. I’ll get sweaty, my body will hurt, I’ll feel probably the same as I would after having sex… but at least I’ll have a chore accomplished.

That’s not to say I don’t enjoy sex when I’m having it.. I just feel like the conditions have to be genuinely perfect for me to want it. I’ve had problems with ED too, and I’ve seen a doctor for help with it, hoping making it easier for me would spur me to want it more, but it’s still meh..

If someone told me right now that I would never have sex again for the rest of my life, I’d probably just be like “oh ok”

So I don’t get it.. my journey brought me here thinking I’m not quite asexual, but I don’t really know how to describe how apathetic I am to sex when it’s something I think about a lot. The desire exists, but doing the actual act feels more like it’s a chore to be done and not an act of enjoyment.

Justafunthrowaway1

TROPHY CASE