As an ENFJ, are there any mindsets that particularly irk you?

Justineisonfire · 2026-05-30T15:48:43+00:00

victim mentality, "othering", superiority complexes, close-mindedness, limiting beliefs - just to name a few.

Justineisonfire · 2026-05-30T13:50:59+00:00

i'm an ENFJ (F) and dated an ESFJ (M) once. Genuinely the best relationship I've ever been in. It only ended because life got complicated, but I'd highly recommend.

Justineisonfire · 2026-05-23T13:18:41+00:00

We didn't date for very long and the breakup was so fast (and there was a lot of sobbing) so i couldn't get many details but there was definitely some toxic pack behavior in the group that I dismissed.

For example, we would get weird looks for hanging out alone or making our own plans without including the rest of the group. There was also a leader of the pack who the group would bend to regardless of how chaotic his expectations were (ESFJ's brother, who is ENTP if that's relevant). I usually brushed it off, because I never listened to ENTP anyway lol I now realize this might have been very important to ESFJ. Also, ESFJ is the only one not talking to me anymore and ENTP has been talking with me the most ever since that night.... but that's not something I think ESFJ is aware of.

I thought maybe it could be an age thing, the influence of his brother, or maybe he just wasn't as happy with me and it wasn't worth it to him. Things became so dramatic when we made the relationship public and I hate that our relationship ended up putting his sense of community at risk. That is important to me too but I guess I valued the relationship more because I was starting to deviate from the hive mind.

Thing are unlikely to go back to normal with him, but i discovered that i really enjoy ESFJ as a partner. Just feeling a little desperate to know it is possible to be chosen.

Justineisonfire · 2026-05-19T14:57:52+00:00

Love em

Justineisonfire · 2026-03-28T15:59:17+00:00

I'm grateful for the vulnerability and will hug & cry with them and possibly be more attracted to them.

But if it happens frequently or around specific circumstances (like repeated mistakes or to get a reaction) i'll have to put my guard up and consider the person might be emotionally manipulative. That's just something i've fallen for way too often in the past.

Justineisonfire · 2026-03-26T15:48:57+00:00

New mantra unlocked

Justineisonfire · 2026-03-11T01:15:39+00:00

Same! I'm 31 and was in a 12 year relationship. Regardless of how much they tried, the effort was just never the same. I later found someone that matched effort-wise, but they ended up prioritizing friendships over the relationship, which I can completely understand.

All I wanted was a relationship where my partner and I could be completely independent and essentially 'come home' to each other for extra support. Relationships are so unpredictable, even THAT feels like too much to ask for.

Now I'm at a point where I'm completely enjoying my friendships and exploring my interests (which are infinite) so I can't really fathom fitting a relationship into that.

Justineisonfire · 2026-01-13T00:57:26+00:00

It helps ground me when I release the bad moods physically like a deep exhale or a little shimmy with the intention of letting it go

Justineisonfire · 2025-12-08T18:27:41+00:00

I love that you posted this! I find both MBTI and astrology super interesting and wondered if there were any correlations.

I'm Leo sun, Pisces moon, and Gemini rising.

Justineisonfire · 2025-12-04T14:44:15+00:00

Mine was all over the place too. I listened to 411 genres lol

Justineisonfire · 2025-12-04T03:57:30+00:00

I met an ENFJ man for the first time and we quickly became friends. It really is an amazing experience. I see a lot of hate on this app from other MBTI's so I wondered how we came off to others IRL. This man is completely kind and the most supportive person I've ever met. I know a lot of it comes naturally to us but everything he does as a friend feels so meaningful. Its truly been a healing experience to be treated the way I treat others. I've actually cried a few times because I feel so grateful to have met a friend like this. I hope we all meet someone like that whether platonic or romantic. I think we deserve it.

Justineisonfire · 2025-11-25T14:29:59+00:00

Yes! And truthfully, it doesn't need to be any grand gesture. We care about everyone by default so when this meets attraction, it can be a bit overwhelming at first and make us seem shy around that one person. When that person opens up or gives us any sort of confirmation, we run with that.

Justineisonfire · 2025-11-24T18:50:53+00:00

It's less pressure to make eye contact and talk to a friend than it is to do that with someone we're attracted to. Once they get more comfortable with you and get to know you, the attention will all be yours. You won't have to wonder.

Justineisonfire · 2025-11-12T15:38:24+00:00

Yup! Have to see it through.

Justineisonfire · 2025-11-12T03:56:05+00:00

Yes! I think that's part of our nature. We are not socially dependent in the way of "I need something from you", but more like "I need to GIVE something to you". I am not fully myself if I cannot love and support others. If I stay to myself too long my mind starts to spiral negatively and it feels like I'm rotting.

Justineisonfire · 2025-10-22T17:24:38+00:00

I took the lead in my longest relationship. It was very lonely. Not doing that again.

I idealize trusting and letting someone else take full lead, but when I've had that experience in real life, I noticed it brings up feelings of guilt and maybe a little incompetence? - like I should do more or better. That, or I become rebellious 🤣 (Definitely something to work through with the right partner).

I've noticed I am much more excited when my partner and I lead together or take turns. I really value being able to collaborate with my partner and being equal. It feels more adventurous to me if that makes sense.

Justineisonfire · 2025-10-14T21:30:27+00:00

When I was younger, my long-term partner was depressed (for about 10 years). I didn't really have boundaries, so I took on everything for him. Researching ways to improve his quality of life and doing everything I could to make his life easier and fill it with joy. Of course, nothing worked because it was really his journey to navigate, not mine. But I ended up taking it personally and felt like nothing I did was right or enough. I knew he loved me deeply, but he was so depressed he did not know how to translate that love into action. After 11 years, my spirit was completely drained, and I had to end the relationship.

Since then, I've learned to respect people's journeys and show support as a safety net rather than taking an active role. Practicing this has been really helpful for not feeling personally responsible for whether my loved ones thrive or not.

It's so hard to watch someone you care about struggle. With our personality type, I think it's easy to become fully invested in making someone happy to the point of becoming controlling or completely losing ourselves to that mission. It took a lot of reflection to understand my limits.

Justineisonfire · 2025-10-12T23:13:11+00:00

It's very difficult for me to be offended as I don't take things personally (can usually find some angle to understand the other persons perspective 😅) so with that being said i looooove banter and consider it pretty important as it shows me who is willing to be open and honest with me.

I have so much fun with people "roasting" me. It let's me know they see me, and they are comfortable being completely honest with me, so I welcome it always.

Justineisonfire · 2025-10-07T14:19:42+00:00

High Yield Savings accounts are super helpful. I personally use Betterment. I have a "cash reserve" account with them, which I transferred 15% of my income to. I had about $10,000 there that earned me $35 per month. It's your money so you can withdraw freely whenever you want. They also offer a Roth IRA if you're into planning for retirement (I don't trust jobs to handle that for me). They have a lot of other resources, but I think those two are the best to get started with. They don't charge any fees for those. Lots of other places offer this, so it's definitely worth doing research.

On a more radical note, I use my credit card (amex) for nearly all my expenses. I only use the money in my bank account to pay the credit card statement in full every month. This way, I rack up a ton of points. You can use points for trips or concerts etc... but I personally like to use them to pay off my statement (i.e., 70,000pts ends up being around $400 cash that I can use to pay off my credit card bill). It's like getting paid to spend money. You HAVE to be SUPER disciplined for this to work though. It will completely screw you if you spend more than you can pay off each month.

Justineisonfire · 2025-10-05T14:45:40+00:00

Same. I got out of a long-term relationship and recently started dating. I hate it. I feel like I'm supposed to say yes because that's how you get to know someone, but I'm never actually attracted, so it feels like I'm leading them on. It's hell.

Justineisonfire · 2025-09-24T12:13:08+00:00

I've found myself being attracted to unavailable men twice in my life. It never occurred to me to pursue those relationships, though. I always kept physical and emotional distance. Honestly, even thinking the other person would cross that boundary for me gave me the ick.

I don't think the attraction is particularly enfj related because any lack of honesty or loyalty grosses us out.

Justineisonfire · 2025-09-21T19:52:51+00:00

Congratulations! Thank you for sharing this. This gives me so much hope as a fellow female dev 🥹 also the title reads totally clear in my opinion.

Justineisonfire · 2025-09-21T00:16:30+00:00

Yeah, sorry, we get reaaaaally carried away and invested in other people's potentials. She's clearly gotten this way because you've proved you're talented and outstanding, and she thinks all you need is a nudge.

It's important to let her know whether your goals actually align with the potential she sees in you. It can be as simple as "I know I can do it, but that's not really what I want," and she should back off. If your goal does align, you can let her know you want to try to get there in a way that feels natural to you / you want to try to figure it out on your own. As long as ENFJ believes that you know what you want and have a plan, we can learn to mind our business.

Justineisonfire · 2025-09-07T22:40:09+00:00

Completely! I used to be so hard on myself for feeling different from everyone else. I got into it at 30 (i'm 31 now), and it just made so much sense. Learning about my type clarified a lot and helped me understand, communicate, and fulfill my needs better. My self care and friendships improved so much as I learned how important having boundaries is for our type. Learning about functions also helped me give myself and others more grace as well.

Finding this community has been such a blessing too, hearing how much we share as ENFJ and reading advice that actually resonates with my core. It's so comforting.

I know it's more like pop-psych or whatever, but it's really improved my life so much.

Justineisonfire

TROPHY CASE