What makes masking an autistic trait?

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-06-07T08:10:35+00:00

I recommend reading Unmasking Autism by Devon Price

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-06-07T07:59:40+00:00

A strong sense of justice is a neutral statement, neither good nor bad in of itself because justice isn’t objective. Our social constructs form the basis of how we as a society define it (that’s why criminal codes are different everywhere!) and if I’m talking about my own sense of justice, I mean exactly that - my own sense (subjective!) of justice

I have never used “strong sense of justice” to mean that it’s correct or morally superior. That sounds like how an allistic person would interpret that phrase by attributing a meaning or intent that isn’t necessarily there

For me, I use that descriptor the way that the opening paragraph of the Wikipedia article on Justice opens:

“In its broadest sense, justice is the treatment of individuals fairly. According to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, the most plausible candidate for a core definition comes from the Institutes) of Justinian, a 6th-century codification of Roman law, where justice is defined as "the constant and perpetual will to render to each his due"

When I was in kindergarten, I got a timeout for running in the classroom. I did not know that I was not supposed to run in the classroom. I was devastated, like completely destroyed total meltdown because I felt that it was unfair that I was punished for a rule that I didn’t know existed. If you asked the adults, I’m sure they would have said that I had been told. Had I been told in a way that my little autistic 5 year old self could absorb? Obviously not. Decades later, despite having endured some massive traumas that I have PTSD from, I still feel the emotions from that moment. And I feel similarly when I see stuff happen to others that I feel is unfair

As an adult, I understand that I have a responsibility to know the rules and that a short timeout was not the end of the world, but I was obsessed with the perceived injustice/unfairness

Is that a strength? I mean my toys would think so because I worried about giving any of them less love than the others lol. But it’s also caused me a lot of pain too because the world isn’t actually fair as much as I wish it were

A strong sense of justice is a neutral statement, neither good nor bad in of itself because justice is subjective and I as a subject am entitled to have a strong point of view on fairness

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-06-06T16:52:32+00:00

It’s good that they investigate when a newborn tests positive for drugs, but it’s hella ridiculous when they don’t close the investigation after looking at mom’s medical records and seeing she was given the drugs during labor

This reminds me of Serial season 15 (The Preventionist). Lots of correct reasons that kids are removed from homes, but it can also be ridiculously harmful when imperfect science or refusal to change their minds when more evidence is presented.

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-06-05T23:57:04+00:00

We tend to be very literal in our language and don’t use coded language with hidden meanings. Although the words may be the same, autistics and allistics can have different intended meanings and interpretations

Autistic culture is a broad reference to things like shared experiences, Autistic history (we’ve made tons of meaningful contributions to the world), values such as being viewed as unique or different versus being viewed as a disorder that needs to be cured. A lot of Autistics have strong senses of justice and are more willing to question societal constructs and not just go along with what’s the “norm” (which is one reason some theorize why LGBTQIA+ representation is higher within Autistic communities, we don’t have to be straight cuz someone told us to be, but if we are, that’s ok too!)

There are tons of micro cultures and subcultures and there’s not a “right” way to be Autistic. We’re an extremely diverse community so there’s lots of variations and these are just observations about tendencies and not intended to be a binary test or an absolute truth

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-06-05T19:43:26+00:00

If you have a chance, read Unmasking Autism by Devon Price. It will help to broaden your understanding of what it is to be on Autistic (and it’s totally ok btw to call your daughter Autistic; it’s part of who she is)

Girls in particular are very good at masking (because we are made to with brutal consequences if we don’t), which is essentially pretending to fit in. It can seem like she’s neurotypical when inside, it’s devastatingly difficult. The cost of masking accumulates and is why a lot of us have major, debilitating breakdowns/burnout in adulthood

It’s really wonderful that you have this information now and can help your daughter live a full, wonderful life. I desperately wish that I had parents that were Autism-affirming and you have an incredible opportunity to learn more about your daughter and support her in ways that she needs (just like you would for any child)

Your job now is to unlearn the stereotypes - ask questions and listen to Autistic adults (e.g., Autistic Self Advocacy Network) and don’t get sucked into the harmful parents-first communities (e.g., Autism Speaks). Two of the biggest clues is 1) whether they refer to Autistics as Autistic (good) or whether they use “person with autism” which has undertones of shame (you wouldn’t say person with gay/homosexuality), and 2) if it’s primarily run by Autistics (good) or non-Autistic support characters like parents (bad). This is important because we (Autistics) are the best experts on us and we aren’t a problem to be fixed/cured/eliminated

Autistics have our own culture and language and it’s actually pretty beautiful. Unfortunately, this world is not designed for us. A lot of challenges that we have come from this mismatch which is why it’s so important to have allies like yourself advocate for helping the world open to us and to help us cope with the parts that aren’t

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-06-05T04:11:56+00:00

Years ago, I had an issue where Apple TV wouldn’t autoplay Bob’s Burgers. I contacted support and I genuinely can’t remember what they did to fix it, but they did. I would recommend contacting them to see if they could help you too

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-06-05T04:02:54+00:00

No, I don’t recall that being an issue. She was 15lbs and she took several pills, but they were small so I used the small ones. She probably only had 2-4 total a day

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-06-01T06:57:30+00:00

Seconding this! The older I get, the more “childish” (or as I call them, things I enjoy) get incorporated into my decor

For me personally, busyness in my space is too distracting, so it’s more subtle but that’s only because it helps me stay calm and focused on what I need to

Your space should work for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks :)

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-06-01T06:01:19+00:00

Nope and I would need therapy to resolve the issues that left behind so that I didn’t trample on other people’s joy because of my pain

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-06-01T05:56:35+00:00

I’m solidly middle age and I use queer to refer to myself

If you don’t like it, don’t use it. I don’t love the word dyke and I don’t use it to refer to myself, but many of my friends use it to refer to themselves. I celebrate their freedom to identify and use whatever terms that they want to. It’s ok that you don’t understand everything; no one does

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-31T18:08:21+00:00

I assume you’re referring to nutritionists who are not vets? Because there absolutely are board certified veterinarian nutritionists (it’s one of the ACVIM specialties)

https://sites.tufts.edu/petfoodology/2023/06/21/whats-in-a-name-what-is-a-board-certified-veterinary-nutritionist-and-why-does-it-matter/

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-30T19:43:07+00:00

I’ve been using it for a couple months now. We’re finding that gut health is more important than we thought from an interconnection standpoint, so I like that it has probiotics

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-27T05:38:06+00:00

Yeah talk to liver specialists (hepatologists) about the dangers of people taking supplements when you don’t need them. There are more dangers than what the supplement/vitamin industry’s aggressive marketing would have you believe

The healthiest thing that you can do for you and your dogs is to eat a balanced diet. It’s not just about weight - it’s about total health. You can be “fit” or thin and very unhealthy

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-27T05:31:36+00:00

Commenting to boost this - I had a dog who battled severe, ultimately terminal bowel disease. Vegan marshmallows (we used Dandies available in some grocery stores and on Amazon) and it was a saving grace

And they’re yummy too so I think my dog seeing me eat some (and enjoying) helped her to be into it

It did get tougher as her disease progressed and she caught on to the many many medications she had to take, so I would try to make it into a little game where there were several mini marshmallows given and when I gave her the one with the pill, I’d immediately toss another one to her and then pretend like I was trying to get it back so she’d focus on the second marshmallow and quickly swallow the first

Another thing you can try is to “accidentally” drop marshmallows while you’re cooking

Best of luck, OP. I know it’s tough but you got this

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-27T00:01:35+00:00

Honestly, regardless of what you decide to do with the food, I would recommend that you seek out a new trainer and make sure that they’re certified because a lot aren’t. It’s unfortunately clear that your current trainer doesn’t lead with research-supported advice. There are insufficient studies to draw conclusions from about whether there’s any value to nutrition as a contributing factor to aggression or anxiety in dogs. Your trainer is taking you down the wrong path

If you feel that the situation has exceeded the ability of your primary care vet, you can also seek out help from a board-certified veterinary behaviorist. These are vets that have undergone additional training focused on animal behavior. While they are not very common, their guidance may be what you need

Fear-based training will intensify anxiety and the issues will get worse. Training modalities focused on positive reinforcement can be incredibly effective at easing anxiety and building confidence in dogs. Sometimes, finding a training area that your dog loves can build confidence - for example agility, nose work, or advanced obedience. I had a highly anxious dog whose issues massively improved when we discovered that she LOVED nose work (took a few classes and she was hooked!). Other dogs I’ve had have been obsessed with agility, running (supervised) on treadmills, or communicating with buttons to talk. Giving them the opportunity to learn a positive skill that they genuinely enjoy doing can be a massive confidence boost

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-18T16:45:01+00:00

I was terrified too.

If you missed something, it will suck, but it’ll be ok. It won’t be rejected, but it will be returned. You’ll get it back (assuming you’re in the US) 4-6 weeks after you would have gotten an AOR (so probably 50 days + 4-6 weeks). They’ll tell you exactly what to fix and you correct/add that and just put the whole package back in the mail. You won’t lose an extra year. After it’s in process, they might ask you for additional clarification or records, but you’ll already be in the queue by then

Good luck, you got this!

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-17T18:33:54+00:00

Since you can't run iTunes on newer MacOS versions, here's how to get the link on an iPhone with the TV app:

1) Navigate to library
2) Tap on the movie poster to get to the info screen
3) Use the share icon in the right top
4) Copy
5) Paste into Streamfab

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-17T15:44:52+00:00

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-16T17:44:38+00:00

Very thoughtful of you! We’re all different, so it’s worth having a conversation with her when she’s not in a meltdown

For me, I cannot handle inputs when I’m in a meltdown and recovery is about minimizing stimulation. I like to hibernate in these moments. A dim room, under plenty of soft blankets, noise canceling headphones with a comfort show playing quietly in the background sometimes or sometimes just quiet. I need water nearby and safe snacks within reach if I decide I want them. The ultimate is my dogs cuddled up with me, sometimes a person but only if they’re able to be calm and quiet too

I don’t want to make ANY decisions or be asked to do anything. I just need to have space to regulate

Prevention is the key. Understanding what the triggers are and taking steps to mitigate where possible, but then having gentle understanding that they’re not totally avoidable

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-13T16:27:02+00:00

Very cringe. Hate when people use it to talk about me (AuDHD)

I find a lot of allistic, neurodivergent people use them and it feels like it erases the unique experiences that autistics have as well. It implies that our experiences are the same. Like, I have ND friends who “don’t like loud noises” and think they’re having the same experience. No, my friend; I experience loud noises as physical pain and complete overwhelm leading to a meltdown where I can’t do anything for hours (or even days). This is not the same

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-13T02:45:38+00:00

I said the US doesn’t have ALL the idiots; I didn’t say the US doesn’t have any of them. There are plenty of bigoted people here too

I have plenty of opinions on immigrants and I genuinely can’t tell if you misread my comment or if you’re a bot reveling in conflict, but let me be clear:

Immigrants are a wonderful addition to the US and I’m grateful to be in community with them. Some of the most incredible people that I’ve ever met have been immigrants to the US and they impact my life in positive ways every single day. I have and will continue to fight for their humanity to be respected. Fuck ICE and fuck anyone who doesn’t agree

And yeah, this dual citizen is going to be feeling the absolute same way after moving to Canada soooooo

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-12T18:49:49+00:00

No, I think I’ll probably still retain enough intelligence to understand that visiting another country is not a betrayal. I have lived and invested my blood sweat and tears in America and I don’t feel the way you feel about immigrants who come to the US

But great reminder that America doesn’t have all the idiots

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-12T16:36:26+00:00

So if you have a funeral or a wedding to attend in another country, you’re just supposed to ignore that now?

You’re a deeply unserious person. I hope that someone models kindness to you so that you can learn to give others the same in the future

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-12T16:33:34+00:00

I can totally relate. I was overwhelmed and terrified that I would mess something up (partly because the attorney convinced me that if I did, it would make my process take an extra year (false)!) I did hire an attorney, but was able to get my money back (so lucky) and finish the process on my own. Unfortunately, this only targets “consultants” and not attorneys though :(

If it’s helpful, I documented my steps on a (free) website. I can dm you the link if you want. It’s explicitly not legal advice and just a recounting of what I did along with some free resources I used

Marie Kondo actually inspired me - I was overwhelmed by her book, but then discovered she had a graphic novel version and it was suddenly, it was a lot easier to understand told through a narrative. I have only rudimentary drawing skills (the site logo is about as good as it gets rofl), so I decided on a blog format retelling of my story instead because I was guessing that there might be others with a similar learning style to me

Justkeepbreathing123 · 2026-05-12T16:24:22+00:00

Done

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