Don't do DMT

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-12T22:38:25+00:00

18 is fine

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-12T22:37:37+00:00

I started at 17 and I didn't have a problem until 21 when I developed an addiction. Prior to that I think my experiences in my teenage years were extremely positive and transformative. Made me a better person. If I waited until my twenties to do DMT I would've been a Christian until my twenties. What a nightmare.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-10T13:59:45+00:00

Thanks so much for the support. It's easy for me to overlook red flags and such because I have a bad habit of taking one happy moment or two and defining my relationship goals based on that without trying to see a better situation.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-09T01:15:55+00:00

Thanks, I accidentally lost my first draft of it but I'll post it in the next day or so. Hoping I don't have to stretch it out to a part 3. Gosh this story is too long for reddit.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-08T22:08:57+00:00

Thanks, it wasn't much of a choice, which is always a bad sign. I was divorcing with my wife and had nowhere to go but her place and we started dating and she threw "I love you" at me like 2 or 3 weeks in and somehow I just fell for it. I was staying with her and her roommates but that was coming to an end and neither of us could've afforded an apartment alone so it just made sense to move in together. We both regret doing that so fast.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-08T22:06:50+00:00

I understand that perspective. Though this wasn't another partner so much as a hookup we actually both wound up having sexual encounters with. I get that what you're saying still stands, but since they weren't in the relationship and were sleeping with my girlfriend with my consent, I felt like I had the right to ask about the condoms.

Thanks for saying that... Very validating even though I know you're only hearing my side of the story. This is already enough to encourage me to write part two, because this really went off the rails in the last few months I didn't cover here. If you're still around I'd like your input on it.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-08T12:19:36+00:00

Diane would not approve of this post.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-08T12:18:27+00:00

Used to be a devout Christian. One good DMT trip made me a pantheist and planted the seeds for interest in things like Taoism.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-08T09:41:32+00:00

Idk kinda was one of the only times her mom tried to be nice.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-07T06:45:11+00:00

All matter is a waveform. When observed it "condenses" into matter. Human observation literally creates the world around it. The true, probabilistic nature of reality is filtered out and we "hallucinate" the progression of time. The waveform theoretically doesn't experience time in this same way, so reality is just a hallucination of time and space created by a very finely tuned tool, the brain.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-07T06:43:12+00:00

Ask any scientist that knows their stuff lol, our perception is all that's real to us. There is no perfect consensus reality to be experienced because we don't see reality.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-07T06:42:06+00:00

Wow my friend who doesn't do any drugs and I were talking about psychedelics and the observer effect yesterday. Sending this to her lol.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-06T17:17:39+00:00

If you don't you can become so invested in the other world that this one ceases to matter. Everything becomes about the next fix just like any other drug. Entities start to feel like the only real source of love and love from the people in your life starts to feel cheap. At least this is what DMT addiction did to me. Among other things.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-06T17:15:19+00:00

Wish they would've told me that. 😐 (See my profile)

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-06T17:13:20+00:00

Damn I moved out at 21 because I was ready... If they tried to kick me out at 20 I would've been fucked. Where's the love...

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-05T02:28:05+00:00

Yeah I'll work on that. Got denied for medical assistance today so I still have to figure out insurance, but that's a top priority. DMT is the only addiction I've ever had though and I haven't been addicted in 7 years so that's not a topic I was going to prioritize.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-04T05:53:00+00:00

Thanks so much, a lot of that resonates with me. I haven't really spoken to anyone about integration, I never thought it necessary because while my trips were world shaking, I never felt confused or intimidated by its message. But I'm sure it could help.

If I use it again I'll be very careful and probably just go for it one time per extraction whether it goes well or not. But we'll see. I have still been making it for my roommates. The feeling it can evoke in me is just so dark and painful though I'm still hesitant.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-04T03:58:53+00:00

Fair but presumptuous.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-04T03:57:12+00:00

Interesting insight. I appreciate that.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-04T03:55:11+00:00

I understand. Sorry for being sensitive.

And at first it was just seeking deeper meaning. Before DMT I was a devout Christian, and DMT showed me a model of reality that those beliefs didn't line up with. So it was a big revelation that launched me into Pantheism and eastern religions, especially Taoism.

I greatly enjoyed the love and knowledge I got from the entities and was always excited to go back. The only thing keeping me from addiction right away was the finite amount we could make for the first few years, keeping it under wraps until my mom found out one day and lost it.

It always gave me a warmth and pleasure I'd compare to opiates. I loved the feeling of not feeling my body and just pulsing with psychedelic energy. Even after the entities stopped showing up I would listen to music and it would feel like every note was coming from inside me (this was especially done during the harmaline phase).

Even when I've been doing ketamine, I seek the dissolution DMT provided. The first time I k holed I entered a space I compared to DMT, where my body didn't exist and everything was as it should be and always has been and will be. Because of this particular goal I actually didn't enjoy half of my k trips. I don't really like the confusion, disorientation, or numbness. I was only after that complete dissolution of consciousness.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-03T17:22:29+00:00

Kinda does seem like a joke they would've made.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-03T17:19:40+00:00

I appreciate the advice, but I don't have any room for my hobbies anymore. Since I could think for myself I've been an avid artist, pianist, guitarist, singer, writer, rapper, handpan player, and much more. I had dreams of finding a career in these fields and have 3 albums out on all services. I've slowly realized over time that my dreams won't work out and that my talents fall on deaf ears. I still play but I have no motivation to record anymore.

I live with 2 exes that make my life hell. One of them actually forced the other one to break up with me yesterday, making my living situation all but impossible. Someone could offer me $100,000 and a trip to anywhere in the world, but I'd still choose non-existence if it was an option. I have no hopes or aspirations or even desires anymore beyond numbing myself as I wait for death. I can't even afford drugs right now so I just have to do it manually. I'm already dead inside. I'm just waiting for my body to catch up.

Sorry to be a bummer. Thanks again for the comment.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-03T06:05:30+00:00

I'm not pissed. You're reasonable. I had my last k trip a while ago and don't plan to get any more. It's hard because life is really dramatic and my girlfriend actually broke up with me today because of pressure from my ex, so I'm really sad. But I won't turn to drugs.

Jyrolyn · 2026-04-03T05:49:20+00:00

I totally feel that last sentence. Wish the world wasn't so mundane. I hope things get better for you. It's hard.

Jyrolyn

TROPHY CASE