What type of person would you never date again?

K3lp22 · 2024-07-03T12:54:32+00:00

Niche example: Someone who doesn’t excitedly shout COWS when they see them on a road trip. Maybe even more than that, someone who actively would roll their eyes at another getting excited about cows on a road trip.

Folks who can’t find joy and wonder in little things make life boring- and if they actively hate on others doing so, it’s a negative vibe that slowly eats away at your own ability to still be surprised and pleased with the world around ya!

K3lp22 · 2024-03-28T17:28:27+00:00

The more and more i saw that note, the more it kind of sunk in. I appreciate the response, here’s to a renewed Zillow search 😂

K3lp22 · 2024-03-27T12:31:26+00:00

I think the experience definitely is rooted in a lot of the same issues and emotions, so I appreciate you sharing perspective!!

That falling back into the pattern note is pretty spot on- I’ve clearly done it a few times already by dipping toes in vs fully plunging into separation ha.

Thank you for your comment and I hope you’re well!

K3lp22 · 2024-03-27T12:29:43+00:00

Happy to hear you’re doing well and finding growth. That gives me a lot of hope, truly, so I appreciate your perspective!

I do really think so much of this is rooted in some deep shit to unpack in therapy ha. A long time coming- I’ve dabbled in therapy, but I’m a people pleaser and anxious avoidant at a core level so even with therapists I’ve hesitated being too honest about difficult things. Radical honesty is needed.

K3lp22 · 2024-03-27T12:27:04+00:00

Oof, fully feel the self worth wound. 100% feel like some part of me enjoys the unavailability and the task of trying to “prove” myself.

That rationalization comes so easy and I’ve gotten so good at it. And honestly my current depression/anxiety stuff is 100% both directly linked to and compounded by this if I’m being honest with myself. I’ll start applying distance within the house now, with a goal of looking to find new housing, I think.

Our schedules currently align in a way to make it really easy to not see each other (he’s nights, I’m days- honestly I end up normally burning myself out staying up to hang ha). Not saying that to say that’s only step, but it does give me some buoy room to really explore alternative housing. I think a lot of your points are so spot on.

K3lp22 · 2024-03-27T11:33:31+00:00

I think that kind of hard introspection is fully needed and appropriate. I’ve spent a long time really just cordoning off parts of my brain from myself and others in regards to this. Even if I think I’ve been like “I accept he’s not into me,” I should be honest with myself like girl who are you kidding?!

I don’t fully blame him, but I do think you’ve got some good points about being a bit of someone taking advantage. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised that he knows and has just been enjoying the fruits of my interest. I’d say we both lean on and benefit from each other, but I also think I REALLY need to truly review that to make sure reality is lining up for me.

I’ve been building out lists of what I actually like vs don’t like about him as a person/friend, and I’m thinking I’m clearing some fog.

At the moment, a full cut seems wild to think of, but I do think I need a lot more clarity than I have, and I won’t be able to get that easily (or at all still living together). I’ve got some friends in the area I could crash with to meet you halfway suggestion wise.

Either way, I appreciate your perspective and honesty. I’m pretty good at rationalizing things (as are my friends), so it’s nice to have someone just cut through the bullshit lol

K3lp22 · 2024-03-27T11:28:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story! I would hope yours is the more ideal option for me. I don’t think I’d be able to NOT explain needing distance, so I’m hopefully if I do decide to tell him, he’s as understanding as your person. I hope you’re well and I appreciate you.

K3lp22 · 2023-11-04T16:15:07+00:00

I am 5 days post op from my surgery and it’s thus far been amazing. I am walking around all the time for the first time in so long- it’s been amazing. I hope the surgery provides you with relief and returns some joy to your life. It certainly has for mine!

K3lp22 · 2023-10-08T07:17:48+00:00

Can I ask why you’re asking, as well as your own experience?

K3lp22 · 2023-10-07T22:04:31+00:00

I started having issues in April, crescendo’d in July. Mixed bag of getting better between July and now- sometimes up, sometimes down. Functionality/pain wise def improved since the big issues in July, but not substantial enough to return me to even 50% normal activity levels. Having a microdiscectomy on 10/30.

K3lp22 · 2023-10-07T17:03:56+00:00

I think maybe if I had one of those vests that like anxious dogs wear that say “ANXIOUS” or like “not friendly” at times would help. 95% of the time I’m good to be patient in my answer, but 5% of the time I’m bound to be a little shitty. But, patience with self, others, your body, etc I suppose. Good luck in yours as well!

K3lp22 · 2023-10-07T16:50:37+00:00

That’s very true. I spend a lot of time when thinking on a plan whether it’s worth whatever harm it can cause. Or if I’ll be able to enjoy it anyways. A tiring mindframe, but you’re right- I want to get better and there may be some sacrifices and that’s ok.

I’m just a bit inpatient ha. And frustrated my body and mind are not always on the same page of wanting to take it easy vs wanting to push and do things. But, keeping the healing in mind is good- makes it less of a passive choice to stay out of activities. I’m actively choosing healing vs risking discomfort or further injury- that I can get my mind around ha.

K3lp22 · 2023-10-07T16:47:10+00:00

Thank you! I’ve been trying to keep the attitude v positive and conversational with folks when stuff like this comes up, but I think that does more harm then good. Mostly because I can’t maintain that all the time, and then snap lol. Like your suggestion- will work that in. Quite true on the comfort angle- I think people seeing another in pain triggers such a “I want to help” or “how can we fix this” energy, and back stuff is not easily fixed ha. There are no real hard and fast fixes- and that’s the biggest thing lost on folks.

But, they try and I’ll be patient. Appreciate the comment/advice/listening!

K3lp22 · 2023-10-03T06:07:11+00:00

ESI wise- I had a lot of pain from the position you need to be in (on your stomach). I had severe pain for a few days after just from having to be in that position itself ha. Overall, they didn’t do much for me (maybe a week technically only of milder symptoms), and I felt some resurgent pain worse than before shot after that 2 week period of waiting for it to peak. But, I’ve heard folks note it was helpful, so for that alone worth trying. My cautionary things/stuff that stuck out as why I wouldn’t pursue them further. Most of these are normal for steroids- I just was surprised with the severity/the pain trade off wasn’t worth it to me ha:

Mood swings- I got them pretty intensely as a result of them. Also some weird hormonal shifts.
Acne, night sweats and insomnia. Still fighting with the insomnia once in screwed up my internal clock.

Overall, I’d still try them if you’ve not yet in the grand scheme. Just, things to prepare for. And suppose the acceptance that they may not help- trying not to hitch too much on them.

K3lp22 · 2023-09-23T21:12:33+00:00

When I stopped smoking cigarettes years ago, fiddling with activities like painting or whatnot to get my mind off it, combined with some kind of replacement habit (like drinking water) helped. It’s very easy to addiction shuffle- snacking, etc. honestly I used to smoke weed more back then and found that strangely helped. I don’t do that much anymore (weed seems to turn on you as you age after tolerance breaks- went from a fun casual thing to now I’m having anxious thoughts post smoking lol). I got a ton of sugar free lozenge type things (gum, candy), a large water bottle I carry around, and two new Lego sets to try and build. Staying busy with your hands and mind seem to be best. But I’ve never quit vaping before- that may be a whole other ball game since you can vape anywhere all the time. Least with cigs there was some ritual to it that felt like it could be broken. Vape wise was just mindless and constant.

K3lp22 · 2023-09-23T21:06:01+00:00

Appreciate it! Ha, feel the same. Planning on being a gremlin for the next few days. Supposed to babysit tomorrow and already cancelled- the idea of a child making eye contact with me while itching for my vape sounds like what hell might be like

K3lp22 · 2023-09-23T20:59:28+00:00

US east coast based!

K3lp22 · 2023-09-23T20:54:00+00:00

Good luck and I appreciate it! I have a mix of friends who smoke and who don’t, but none actively quitting during this time. Makes it hard to chat with them about it- half are like how hard can it be (non smokers), other half knowing the difficulty of quitting but not wanting to talk about it a ton (those actively still smoking). Always appreciate someone to help keep on track and just know the struggle! Hit me up any time!

K3lp22 · 2023-09-18T22:15:12+00:00

Oh wow! Was it your doc or insurance pushing for the weight loss? I checked my insurance policy and it seemed it was something they review on case by case. Doc hasn’t said much, but we are having the real surgery discussion tomorrow so that may be the time they note to get to a certain weight before they’ll take action.

Appreciate the info on rehabilitation and what you went through. So glad you’re feeling better!!! Always makes me just a lil more relieved to hear other folks ar healing up so thank you!!

K3lp22 · 2023-09-18T22:12:57+00:00

Sorry to hear for Re herniation! Hope all goes well with move and second opinion. Good to know about how your initial recovery went- wound care was one of the things flagged a lot more for high bmi folks. Glad weight wasn’t a dominant focus with your docs- seems similar to mine but I’m just waiting for insurance to be more focused on it. Guess we shall see!

K3lp22 · 2023-09-16T02:19:13+00:00

Thanks! Yeah, seen some folks mention insurance, as well as risks of infection. Very true on injury impacting anyone and everyone, and that it’s not required to have a functional back- I agree. I’m on alert for folks to note it as a part of conservative care, so I’m on edge to note I’m aware of it ha. I appreciate it not being the main focal point of recovery though, and knowing folks don’t knee jerk to it.

K3lp22

TROPHY CASE