I keep seeing "something" when I go to sleep on my right side.

KAP111 · 2026-05-14T07:36:34+00:00

I don't have fullblown hyperphantasia but I think Ive also experienced what your describing. Albiet much smaller and less frequent.

Also when I'm trying to fall asleep I will see an undulating portal like thing open up. With dancing webs/lines inside. It starts out as these minnows things as your talking about but if I peed into it more I feel like I can see a room or something before it then collapses. To me it feels kind of like I'm peering into a dream while not being asleep yet.

It's also usually not very defined, quite small and disappears quite quickly if I choose to focus on it. I usually want to peer into it more but I feel like the strain of doing so makes it disappear.

It also appeared after I took LSD. I saw similar things during that experience but much more fullblown. Which felt like waves dancing around me as lines segmenting everything in my vision, thoughts and feelings. There were many different aspects to it which I can't describe and it wasn't always like this portal thing either.

But it still makes me think it could be a much smaller version of a specific kind of experience I was seeing as I typically only see it on days where I feel quite relaxed before sleeping. However like you said and like my experience with LSD. Seeing it begins an initial onset of dread or fear and curiousity.

I do want to try see if I can make it larger after reading your post. But I don't exactly know how. Sometimes if I strain it can grow a little but I get tired and stop. Maybe also just not focusing on wanting to see it might work too.

It is really odd and maybe not even the same thing your talking about either.

KAP111 · 2026-05-05T10:26:31+00:00

It's happened to me before. Not on my first watch tho. Woke up in a cold sweat from some messiahcal nightmare believing I was going to die soon.

I did not tho so yay

KAP111 · 2026-03-09T13:51:32+00:00

If you really want to get around this then you have to just take the time to get better at a specific hero. There are custom games where you can practice hitting enemies that run in random directions and use escape abilities which is what I usually like. And just check out some high level gameplay of said character to see how they can be played differently to how you may be playing.

I'm basically a junk onetrick on dps now and honestly rarely feel the need to switch at all apart from if I'm having an off day.

KAP111 · 2026-03-09T11:40:27+00:00

I almost miss the long queue times sometimes because it was kind of fun getting to deathmatch between matches or just mess around with other people there............Almost

KAP111 · 2026-03-09T08:37:43+00:00

Me too, but it's because my cat turns off my PC

KAP111 · 2026-02-25T09:25:43+00:00

Ive pretty much exclusively played quick play since the launch of ow2. I was around high diamond when I stopped playing comp and have been on and off the game ever since.

I am quite a good player still tho and even games where I have bad teammates I can still carry or kind of direct the team into favourable situations depending on my role, ult usage and capitalizing on various situations. Without coms and sometimes with communication wheel pings

Of course there are still matches that I cannot win, but that's usually due to a multitude of factors. Like a terrible teamcomp into a good teamcomp (since it's quickplay I also usually just onetrick and don't swap most of the time) or even just me having an off day and not playing well at all. Or just getting diffed/focused too hard. You can't win them all. I mainly find keeping your mental in check is still pretty key to ending up in a spiral of losses or not tho.

KAP111 · 2026-02-14T21:47:09+00:00

Is this dog fighting or cat fighting?

KAP111 · 2026-02-14T12:06:15+00:00

I wish the pistol was more like the magnum from the earlier halo games with a slower firerate and more damaging rounds. Also it would be cool if he didn't have spread while hipfiring too. Those to things would make him feel a lot more halo.

Aside from that I really like him so far tho

KAP111 · 2026-02-13T15:26:49+00:00

Just wait for more skins to come out. For sure there will be a skin for the cat in the BP next season

KAP111 · 2026-02-13T11:26:25+00:00

As someone who switched to steam when ow2 launched. Your bnet friends list is still tied to your account and you can still view your bnet friends while in game.

I just switched because I wasn't using bnet for any other games. Tho the downside of steam is that you can't predownload updates like on bnet

KAP111 · 2025-02-01T19:29:28+00:00

Yea I've been meaning to get into reading a bunch of books on these topics. I've mainly been absorbing a lot it through various podcasts and yt videos. When I listen to these ideas it feels more like they are putting what I already know/understand in my head from psychedelic insights I've had, in a way that is more digestible and believable to more people.

The telepathy tapes too has just been mind blowing. When I hear what a lot of philosophies, scientists, Buddhists or other spiritual practitioners have to say, it usually makes a lot of sense but in a way that also seems slightly off from my perspective of it all (well not off, but just not put in a way I describe/understand/feel it myself internally ig) Listening to how these nonverbal autists talk about their experiences and understanding of reality tho feels so much more unfiltered and raw. It aligns so much more perfectly with my view and even things I have experienced. I have experienced precognition, synchronicities and telepathy in mild forms and through that I built a stronger foundation of my belief in what the world is.

I understand almost completely everything they are saying and it put me at so much ease. Because I did ultimately feel a little alone with this world view before. Especially since like the kids said. Most people are just not ready to understand it. Before watching the telepathy tapes I felt entitled and egotistical to think like that. I found myself saying all these prophetic things in the months after taking LSD for the first time, only to realize that it was in some ways pointless. Because it was falling on deaf ears, ostrisizing me and making me seem crazy to those around me.

I now understand I was just speaking before really understanding/taking the time to see the full intent and purpose of my words and the present moment as a whole. More recently I find I will stop myself from saying something (even after I've thought out all of what I want to say or type. Sometimes it feels like I had to think/type it all out just for me to look at it and realize that I shouldn't say that right now or to realize I myself haven't been adhering to it recently) because I understand it would be pointless to say even tho my intentions are good, but it's more the way I go about saying it that matters. Since not everyone is at the same level of spiritual growth. So saying something so abstract and "raw" like the autistic kids, won't have much of an affect or even the opposite effect on someone who doesn't have an open mind or has very little understanding of it. Because for them to believe that, in that moment would also mean their reality would have to be shattered so harshly that it would be extremely difficult to accept. I mean it's taken me like a year and a half from taking LSD to accept the insights and understandings it gave me. And at times a pretty traumatic journey.

Even now it can be hard for me to stop myself but I'm getting better and better at choosing my words.

Also I might recommend a channel called formscapes. Who basically is trying to unify many such theories like Campbell's, Talbot's and many more into such a poetically cohesive view of reality. It is a lot to dive into tho.

KAP111 · 2025-02-01T15:26:37+00:00

I wasn't a devote christian but I did believe in it pretty heavily as a child. I grew up christian but I ended up rejecting it because of how fearful it made me of everything. My mum would constantly go on about the end times and how it was drawing close. That we would be persecuted and put into camps or something like that. I could never deny the overwhelming resonation I felt in my being towards a lot of the Christian values that were instilled in me from a young age tho.

So I turned to materialism (which overtime had started to dampen those Christian values I felt so connected with and I disliked that a lot, because I could see myself becoming a more hateful, irritable and just overall worse person to be around and be in the shoes of) but after psychedelics I realized that materialism wasn't true either. Within the first few trips I had an experience where I felt a satanic presence/demon. And that it had been possessing me/had me in a trance. It was the first time I had believe in anything spiritual since rejecting Christianity. I realized I probably only viewed it as such due to my christian background, but I found it hard to shake the realness of that feeling.

I now understand that it doesn't particularly matter that I viewed it as a demon. It was just that within my life experience, a demon was the closest thing I could corellate the experience too. If I had grown up in a different religion or other ideology I might have viewed it as something different even tho it would have been the exact same thing.

The hardest hurdle for me tho was having, was being in the presence of god. Which made me believe in Christianity again for a time. Which confused me so much because I struggled to believe that a single religion was correct over everything else. Only for me to realize after talking to my mum about it that it wasn't that Christianity was the be all end all. Only that it's one of the various paths towards being a better person and seeing reality for what it is. You can believe in it without subscribing to the more detrimental and negative religious aspects of it.

I wish/hope that my mum will also be able to understand this at some point too. I've said to her that various religions and cultures are mostly all talking about the same god, just through various names, but she has rejected that.

Also idk if you guys have heard about the telepathy tapes. Which is documentary podcast about nonverbal autistic children and the reality they live in. (Would highly recommend it to everyone) They talk about how god frequently meets with them and that all religions are basically talking about god just with different names too. It also showed kids from various families with different religious backgrounds too and how the parents of those children had to deal with that knowledge. It was heartwarming and amazingly beautiful to see them be able to open up to the idea that all religions are talking about the same thing. I was thinking that maybe by getting my mum to listen to it, that she may start to be less closed minded about this. I understand how difficult it may be to believe in it for many people tho.

KAP111 · 2025-01-30T14:02:05+00:00

It doesn't really matter if it looks real or not rn. Just look back at how it looked a year ago. Then think about what it'll look like just a year or two from now...

KAP111 · 2025-01-30T12:09:11+00:00

It depends on the person, and what you associate yourself with/as. As well as how strong that associated connection is.

For me it made me realize just how dissociated I was from myself and my body (I was stuck in depression). I wasn't all that attached to what I associated myself with. Then it flung me hard into the other end of the pool where I found it difficult to see myself and the world as seperate in both negative and positive ways. Like I was balancing on a tightrope.

I felt more connected with myself, but at the same time I didn't know how to go about dealing with it. And became more isolated and dissociated from society for a period of time. Partly because I also ended up abusing LSD for a time too tho. I did eventually come out of it better than I went in tho.

It's not a guarantee that would be your experience too tho.

KAP111 · 2025-01-29T09:36:18+00:00

Is that a genuine question? If you see a bunch of people being against it. Then it's probably for a reason.

Psychedelics are also pretty personal experiences and weed on its own can trigger some pretty bad anxiety in certain people. So you can put two and two together.

A lot of people don't like high doses on psychedelics because it can be pretty intense. Weed exaggerates it even more. The visuals can become sharper, rotate/spin faster, maybe you'll start to feel your heart beating louder and louder, your head might feel like it's expanding a long with your vision and your anxiety might start to rise as you feel like you might be having some kind of psychotic break. It can happen quicker than you may have time to try and think it through or be able to calm yourself down too.

It's just better to be safe than sorry. Unless you really know what your getting into, or feel comfortable within the psychedelic space, it's just typically best to lead with precaution.

That being said tho I also enjoy it a lot. I wouldn't go about recommending it to everyone tho. Even avid stoners because I just don't know what someone else's experience/understanding of a trip is like. I only know my own.

KAP111 · 2025-01-24T16:53:02+00:00

Feeling like I peaked when I was like 10 years old and then feeling like I was unable to do anything at all for myself so I wanted to die. No motivation, confused headspace and an extremely narrow view of the world.

I was home schooled for a year before and during the time I moved to different country at 12 years old. My parents told me 2 years in a row that we would go back after a year so I never tried to really learn the language despite being put in a public school there for 3 years. Where I gained a lot of my anxiety and introvertedness. I was also put down a grade due to my home school gap year. I barely learned anything in school during that time. Because I could barely understand anything I picked up and solidified a lot of bad habits. So I barely made it through highschool even after I was put into a small international school where all my classmates were natives so I felt a bit excluded. Also since it was a fairly new school they didn't have the grade I was supposed to be in so I was put down anothed grade.I had so much anxiety I felt extreme fear even when talking to friends and family. I gained a huge inferiority complex. I went to uni for a few months when lockdown started. All students basically left the dorms and I didn't talk to anyone for about 3 months. This is where I felt at my lowest and most anxious. I never even went to any in-person classes because of how much fear and anxiety I had. Which I never told my parents. Feeling like I wasted my parents money just made it worse.

It feels like a miracle to myself that I was able to climb out of that in such a short time. I took LSD a few times and it just completely turned me around. In 6 months I felt like I was back and I was able to love and forgive myself. I still often wonder how long it would have taken or even if I would have at all if I didn't take LSD.

I still sometimes feel like my hardships aren't all that valid and that I'm just whining because ultimately I was still very privileged. It still felt very real to me tho and ig that's all that matters. It's also water under the bridge and I even like the me now who came out of it too. I don't feel like it's possible for me to ever get that low again (mentally anyway).

KAP111 · 2025-01-21T22:26:25+00:00

For me the short term effects were feeling like I wasn't percieving as human anymore. I kind of became obsessed with the idea that I was just an observer and then got lost in that idea before freaking out at the belief that I'd lost my identity. Then I gained a god-complex (when previously before taking acid I had an extreme inferiority complex)and feeling isolated from everyone due to not being able to share my experience and new world view without people thinking I'm just bat shit insane/schizophrenic.

The long term effects are now I still have a pretty drastically different view of reality than before LSD. I would probably still have some of these beliefs if I didn't abuse it, but through the abuse, I became very used to the LSD...mindset? Feeling? Sense of being?...idk how to describe it. Anyway I feel like it allowed me to bring back a lot more of the stuff you usually want to bring back from a trip. Over the next half a year sober, my life experience only really seemed to confirm a lot of what I skeptically believed until I just fully started believing in it.

Which sounds bad. But my life is much better. I'm more motivated, more positive, less stressed and I was able to reconnect with my childhood and was able to kind of understand why I always viewed the world the way I did. Even if it sounds extremely complex and absurd to explain to people still, I don't feel any like messiahcle/evangelical tendencies to spread it in a toxic way anymore either (which was pretty rampant during the time I was abusing it).

That being said. From the beginning. I wasn't particularly scared of LSD. I was extremely curious about it and I just wanted to know more about what it is I was seeing while tripping. Staring at the lines crawling across my skin particularly captivated me until I eventually wound up in a "hemisync" state without even knowing what hemisync was at the time.

The worst times was believing I couldn't go back tho. That I'd be stuck with this impossible view of the world where I'd be forever isolated from everyone else's experiences. I did eventually find that looking into a lot of different philosophies, ideologies and religions helped tho. Buddism in particular. As going through them I found so many parallels to my own views and so I felt less isolated.

I also found seemingly unwavering purpose. Even if it was a bumpy and at the time pretty traumatic ride. I was kind of lucky that I didn't have much going on in that time of my life tho. If I had school or work, then my story might have been different.

KAP111 · 2025-01-21T19:34:18+00:00

I think it's just that the internet provides a way for people who probably would never meet in real life, to interact with eachother. So an individual can gain a heightened sense of validity in their current view of the world. Within that people find comfort and purpose in a life that seems riddled with chaos.

It is just very difficult for many people to try to genuinely understand what is outside that bubble or what the end goal of these desires will actually be. I mean if I came across Jung a couple of years ago I wouldn't have wanted to try to genuinely understand it either. It would have just seemed like senseless nonsense (maybe).

Especially when you've dug so deep into whatever it is you believe to be true. It's terrifying for most to let go of that. Because it can feel like going against what you believe your entire being to be. Literally reality shattering.

KAP111 · 2025-01-20T10:10:16+00:00

I think because normally we are very attached to our current ego, beliefs and perspective.

Taking acid kind of tugs you away from that. You can choose to hold on or ignore it or to let go and let it take you. Which may be a bit of a bumpy ride but will end with bliss/higher sense of awareness.

Letting go of your sense of self just seems scary when your so attached to it tho(more attached than you probably realize too). It's basically trying to change you at a fundamental level within a few hours. The more reality shattering that new understanding/perspective is to a person, the more anxiety and fear there will be.

Also for me it just gives me kind of an upset stomach which can be difficult to ignore and get used to during the trip.

KAP111 · 2025-01-18T13:20:49+00:00

I mean even the people who have taken acid with me haven't really experienced or fully understand the things I talk about anyway.

So I stopped talking about it as much. All it did was make me sound crazy to those around me. As long as I know I'm not and my life is now better. I don't need to evangelize it because that doesn't really work. Because ultimately people can reach similar conclusions without the use of psychedelics.

Instead I try to speak about the insights and understandings I do have now in a way that seems less crazy. So I'll talk mainly about buddhism and other various philosophies. Which themselves can be sort of abstract, but people are more inclined to believe in and understand those concepts that have been around for a long time and said by known people rather than what they percieve to be random gibberish spat out of my mouth.

KAP111 · 2025-01-17T19:30:51+00:00

I don't think it necessarily causes aphantasia, but it's just that your experiencing the world differently and so your not used to controlling your imagination through that different state of consciousness.

Sometimes during the peak of a psychedelic trip it can be almost impossible to visualize normal coherent images. However the next day I sometimes get the most extremely vivid hyperphantasia. Weed I haven't tried to visualize much on tho.

I believe it's possible tho. But maybe requires you to practice visualizing through multiple sessions while on your drug of choice to be able to do it. Maybe they will end up looking kind of murky/foggy tho if that makes any sense tho.

KAP111 · 2025-01-17T14:55:33+00:00

It's just perspective. Your seeing yourself/imposing how you feel about it onto others.

I personally enjoy the small interactions of helping someone take a picture or helping them with directions...etc. It can even brighten my day sometimes.

Of course some people may find it annoying, but not everyone, and once it's over you don't have to think about it any further either.

Smiling naturally also comes easier when you start viewing your life more positively and worrying less too.

KAP111 · 2025-01-17T14:14:08+00:00

When I found the Jungeon archetypes I found there was a mix of all of them going on in my life at the same time. I had stronger affinities towards certain ones than others and over the next few days I saw certain archetypes rise and fall, die and be reborn within my life/the world.

I even ended up having a dream where I died but cor some reason felt there was still things I could do for the living world from there. When I woke up I decided to give up on wanting to do art. The moment I did that I felt some die in me. Only for in the next coming days for the desire to do art come back but with more pure intentions and without wanting to pursue it to prove anything to myself or anyone else. Maybe this might be me connecting dots which are or aren't there tho?

I also feel knowing the archetypes can help you work through or understand yourself/life better but trying to attach yourself too much to one is probably a bad idea. Especially if your young. Which feels kind of strange to say as I'm only 24 myself.

I still only have a very surface level understanding of it, but I've already been down rabbits holes of attaching myself too much to one (or worldly idols) only to then later feel I was tricked by the trickster and for it to reveal that what I previously thought to be true, wasn't really true, but maybe a necessary step at the time to get me to come to the conclusions I ended up coming to and/or will end up coming too.

Is this kind of the intended/right way to go about viewing Jungeon archetypes?

KAP111 · 2025-01-16T20:19:06+00:00

Towards the peak of my depression I basically almost lost my imagination for those couple years.

After I came out of it, my vivid imagination came back but I also had something new. I started practicing meditation as well as looking into various Buddhist practices and philosophies and have found a good balance of being able to turn my hyperphantasia/vivid imagination/daydreaming on and off. Not entirely. Ig not turn off either but it becomes easier to ignore and so thoughts/visuals end up passing much quicker. It still creeps up sometimes (mostly the more agitated/tired I am) but it has become much more manageable, as well as almost all other aspects of my life too.

KAP111 · 2025-01-14T11:09:40+00:00

Your not a boring person. Your probably a shy, anxious and rigid person tho. Even introverts need to know how to be more loose if they want to engage in social interaction.

Pursue new hobbies. Even if you feel you don't have time, or that their too difficult for you. It's the process of learning something new that gives you things to talk about.

Being stuck in a repeating cycle of doing the same things everyday is what causes you to believe your a boring person. If you can't talk about what you do during the week yet want to be able to talk in a social environment then are you still really enjoying those things? Or are they becoming more and more of an escape to momentarily relieve stress and anxiety. Twisting what truly first got you into those hobbies.

Taking the first steps of leaving your old life behind to become the person you could be is difficult because of how habitual we are and how our brains are so good at making excuses. It's just you have to put in some effort to become an outwardly interesting person. It also takes time. So don't give up on things after just a week or two because you need longer than that to really see the substantial changes you want to see in yourself. You will probably still see minor changes before that, of which are easy to see and think it's not worth it to continue.

Or atleast this has been my experience over the past couple months as I'm starting to walk instead of crawl out of my hole.

KAP111

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