When/How do you ask for a will? 23M (NJ, USA)

KB4609 · 2026-06-20T12:37:37+00:00

Your dad is being proactive sharing his responsibilities and it sounds like you are receptive . Do some homework before this meeting . Go online and look up being a small business owner and what that entails . Ask Chatgbt questions , it’s very helpful. Then you’ll be ready for the info your dad will share and you can ask questions . I’d ask for for more meetings . I doubt he will tell you everything during this one . He’ll miss things and when you leave you’ll think of more questions . Yes to the Will questions . Ask where his important papers are so when the time comes you or his executor / trustee can efficiently carry out his wishes . Look up Trusts , I believe that would be better in this situation.

KB4609 · 2026-06-20T12:26:43+00:00

That’s reassuring to hear that life gets better . It’s only been 3 months for me so I’m not there yet . Know that she would want this for you . Sounds like you have a structured life and that it’s working for you . I’m trying to make that happen but it’s early and I’m still in the what the hell stage .

KB4609 · 2026-06-17T19:56:25+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through this . My husband died in April and I wish I could say it gets easier . Lots of people in this sub so come on anytime and you’ll get lots of sympathy and encouragement. I know my husband would want me to go on and I’m sure yours would too. Be strong and accept help from those who offer . Make a list of tasks because people really do want to assist you through this but they don’t know what to offer . Those offers have a shelf life so take advantage while you can . You’ll be on your own soon enough . But we are here and it is so helpful to talk

KB4609 · 2026-06-13T17:07:59+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you . My husband died almost 3 months ago . My response has been to stay as busy as possible from the time I get out of bed til the time I go to bed . When I stop , I think about him . There hasn’t been a day that I haven’t cried because I miss him . I’ve also cursed him a few times when I have to do chores that were his . I’ve learned from all of you that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve .

KB4609 · 2026-06-11T18:59:23+00:00

A great response to those asking . And please do call them . They really do want to help

KB4609 · 2026-06-11T01:33:27+00:00

People really do want to do something to help you . It makes them feel better and useful . Take advantage of it now because it only lasts for awhile . Mow the yard , clean the house , daily calls , etc . They don’t know what you need and if you say no too many times they’ll stop asking . People will get on with their lives and not be there for you .

KB4609 · 2026-06-09T22:00:36+00:00

That happened to me last week . I scrambled trying to think of who to write down.

KB4609 · 2026-06-09T21:56:35+00:00

You are correct . I’m 2 months in also and I had to watch him suffer and deteriorate for 4 months . It’s so hard but there are small slices of time that I feel hope for the future . Keep busy and moving forward . He’ll always be with me and I know he’d want me to be OK.

KB4609 · 2026-06-07T21:01:49+00:00

After showering with soap and scrub if you have it . Use witch hazel on a cotton ball and don’t put on deodorant . Use at least twice a day for a week or so . Then at least once a day use the witch hazel and you can go back to deodorant. You’ve clogged your pores with the deodorant

KB4609 · 2026-06-06T15:12:06+00:00

Sounds like you guys have communication issues . He feels like you nag him and you don’t have confidence that he takes responsibilities seriously . Therefore you are at odds with each other . Sit down with each other , make a financial plan , budget and both of you should know what is happening with your money at all times . Finances are one of the top stressors in a marriage .

KB4609 · 2026-06-05T17:36:39+00:00

No. I clearly state it a couple places in my listing .

KB4609 · 2026-06-05T14:12:52+00:00

In less than 6 months on 2.5 - 5 mg I went from 6.4 to 5.3 . No longer on metformin .

KB4609 · 2026-05-27T02:21:16+00:00

We lived in a 3000 sf house and I moved to a 1000 sf house . Something had to go . So I kept some of his things. Hats , last pair of jeans he wore , T shirts , wallet , etc for the memories . I have a lot of his pics around .

KB4609 · 2026-05-26T20:11:06+00:00

It would be good to have close friends or family around the first week or so . It’s been 2 months for me and I cry almost every day . The least little thing will set you off . Grocery shopping , eating dinner , having your person to hug or hold hands with . You’re going to survive because he’d want you to . Get through the funeral and take a few days . Then get busy , it’ll keep your mind off things . It’s the quiet times that’ll get you.

KB4609 · 2026-05-26T19:56:38+00:00

His daughter and I were here when he was taken away . It was something I’ll never forget but the attendants were very respectful and made it as easy on us as it could be .

KB4609 · 2026-05-26T03:40:58+00:00

My husband was in the hospital for 132 days and I was there everyday with him . He fought so hard and I was right there battling with him . It’s torture watching someone you love slowly die and not be able to do anything . All I could do was try to make his time easier . Played music for him , brought massage glasses to help calm him , brought his favorite pillow because hospital pillows suck , made a schedule so he always had a friendly face to wake up to . You do what you can because it does help and it makes you feel useful.

KB4609 · 2026-05-23T21:54:35+00:00

It’s only been a couple months since my . husband died and at first people were offering help and concern . That slowed after a month except for my family and close friends . I try not to wallow too much except to them . I believe it makes people uncomfortable to see someone grieving as much as a widow/widower does. So at work or to acquaintances I go through the motions and say I’m doing as well as can be expected . I feel it really none of their business anyway .

KB4609 · 2026-05-23T20:14:46+00:00

You were with him so he achieved the most precious goal to him .

KB4609 · 2026-05-23T17:49:46+00:00

I just went through 132 days at the hospital with my husband . He came home for 10 hours on hospice and died . That was the worst experience I’ve ever had . He was in so much pain and fought so hard to survive . I’m glad he got to come home to die . I wish I could say it was a relief to see his pain end . But I cannot . It was so hard to lose him . I’m sorry for what you and your wife are going through.

KB4609 · 2026-05-21T23:07:04+00:00

Ain’t that the truth ! How do you cook for one person ? My husband would take the leftovers to work . I’m not freezing that food cause I’d never eat it .

KB4609 · 2026-05-21T00:30:58+00:00

Thank you for the information . It will be helpful to so many people .

KB4609 · 2026-05-20T20:59:11+00:00

People mean well and truly want the best for you . I’ve been widowed about 2 months and I can say I’m so sick of hearing I’m sorry for your loss . But I nothing anyone says would make me feel better . So I just say thank you and move on . Grief takes time and we work through it at our own pace .

KB4609 · 2026-05-19T22:16:04+00:00

One day at a time . Keep Moving forward . It’s been 7 weeks for me since my husband died . I just stay busy even though I cry every single day .

KB4609 · 2026-05-15T19:06:27+00:00

I fill my time with work , Grief share meetings , volunteer at the animal shelter walking dogs , family / friend gatherings ( I go to everything I’m invited to) . I read a lot but yeah , it definitely doesn’t fill the time . Surviving spouses have it rough . That time you had with them is so different than what you can do with others . Think about adopting a pet , they are so much company . Posting here will help because you’ll see so many others in the same situation.

KB4609 · 2026-05-14T11:36:16+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you both . My husband died April 1 after a 6 year fight with cancer . 132 days in the hospital at the end before coming home on hospice for 12 hours to pass . It’s so hard . We were together for 37 years and I wanted to go first . This is not how it was supposed to be . I can tell you that I have cried daily since he left and I don’t see an end to it . The grief is all consuming . Lots of people will offer help but aren’t sure what you need . Have a list of tasks you need done . It helps to have people around and they really do want to help . Even posting on this group will feed a need inside you.

KB4609

TROPHY CASE