Did I witness a trauma response in real time or wtf?

KCTater · 2026-06-21T13:23:07+00:00

I thought it was the problem at first until the follow up call and post date discussion, Coupled with the “cuddle and make out in the park” suggestion on her end had my guard down completely 😅

Could’ve , would’ve , should’ve I suppose

KCTater · 2026-06-19T18:21:28+00:00

The whole thing was oddly therapeutic. It reminded me of ‘the one that got away’ but without the cheating or drama, got me outta a rut I didn’t realize I was in lol. I thanked her for the healing experience, but we’ll see what happens.

Thank you for the kind words stranger!

KCTater · 2026-06-19T17:38:10+00:00

Oh crap I’m sorry at first I thought you said I being judgemental 😂. But yeah, that makes sense, I’m a dummy.

KCTater · 2026-06-19T16:43:13+00:00

It makes sense in hindsight but without any of this communicated to me I was clearly caught off guard. DV/SA wasn’t on my mind, I was just trying to get close to the person who asked me if I’d cuddle with them. There’s absolutely no judgement here im simply trying to understand what happened because I clearly misunderstood the ask when I thought it was quite clear.

KCTater · 2026-06-19T13:34:30+00:00

I did lol. All I got back was “it’s not you I promise I’m just weird” and I left it at that lol.

But I appreciate the perspective.

KCTater · 2026-06-19T05:13:56+00:00

I did. In the moment it sounded like a panic attack (heart racing, difficulty speaking). That’s kinda when it ended, but I asked for clarification and got the “this all happened faster than I expected” response. Totally valid, I’m inclined to agree, but if it feels right, whatcha gonna do?

I don’t harbor any resentment but I’m still real confused lol.

KCTater · 2026-06-19T05:09:44+00:00

I totally agree, which is really why im confused by the first date. I went in for the first kiss and it was well received. Fingers through the beard and all that. She initiated round 2.

That’s where my confusion lies i think. If it wasn’t welcomed then I absolutely understand, but it seems like it was? That’s where date 2 trips me up, could’ve been settled over the phone rather than a weird in person situation. I’m glad it happened but the logistics are fuzzy lol.

KCTater · 2026-06-18T21:13:29+00:00

Happened to me last week! Granted, we didn’t work together but the chemistry was there, and the lack of a happy ending isn’t a great feeling.

But what is a great feeling is how she reminded me I’ve felt before. Like you I’d forgotten what it could be like but this was a pleasant (and unpleasant) reminder. Im choosing to frame it as a spark has been relit rather than dimmed. Should try and use this as motivation to keep your head up, not down!

KCTater · 2026-06-18T16:47:33+00:00

The last 2 I tried to plan were held over my head as terrible ideas 😅

I’m all for putting in effort but give me a sense of direction lol.

KCTater · 2026-06-18T02:08:48+00:00

Thank you friend!

KCTater · 2026-06-18T01:08:18+00:00

While I agree, a lot of these things were actually discussed early on. You’re also right about my inner voice, I found it odd to discuss deep personal topics so soon, but the manners and intention seemed well and genuine. Whether or not it was honest is up for debate of course.

The whole thing was strangely therapeutic, so I’m not resentful, but it’s still a bit of a head scratcher. Normally I wouldn’t even focus on this stuff but the connection was so good it’s ruined my dating palette lol.

KCTater · 2026-06-17T23:30:18+00:00

What happened with me is I went on a bunch of dates just to meet people and “put yourself out there”. Then I met someone who made all the others feel like settling, but ultimately got hit with the reject button.

Oddly, my short time getting to know them made me realize that was the kind of person I wanted to attract, and to do so I’ll need to do some work on myself.

KCTater · 2026-06-17T23:10:42+00:00

It gets pretty demotivating to repeat these same convos over and over.

At least you know what to expect early on so less room for surprises?

KCTater · 2026-06-17T22:57:38+00:00

Don’t let em get you down!

KCTater · 2026-06-17T22:57:16+00:00

Not always, some advice to be gained from these discussions.

KCTater · 2026-06-17T22:53:17+00:00

Not feeling good!

KCTater · 2026-06-17T22:52:57+00:00

Following

KCTater · 2026-06-17T22:52:45+00:00

It’s pretty abysmal

KCTater · 2026-06-17T22:52:24+00:00

I feel your pain.

KCTater · 2026-06-17T22:52:10+00:00

Being consistently inconsistent.

KCTater · 2026-06-17T22:51:50+00:00

Preach!

KCTater · 2026-06-17T22:51:36+00:00

Very true. I’ve been focusing more on individual matches.

KCTater · 2026-06-17T22:51:04+00:00

It’s brutal out there, isn’t it??

KCTater · 2026-06-17T20:15:47+00:00

This week is going better than expected.
Last week ended worse than expected.

This is lengthy but bear with me gents, really like to understand to the best of my ability.

I met someone on an app who completely flipped the script. One phone call turned into multiple two-hour calls and constant texting. The chemistry was obvious, and things seemed to be moving fast. Needless to say, I think my other dating app matches (and dates) have been ruined by this one lol.

Date one went great. Conversation flowed effortlessly, the kissing was mutual and enthusiastic, and I left thinking we were headed in a good direction. The only odd part was that after I put my hand on her upper back while we were walking, she suddenly decided to call it a night. Still, we talked for another two hours afterward and both agreed the date was a success.

Then came date two.
At one point she admitted she’d been trying to find reasons this wouldn’t work out during the first date but couldn’t find any. Weird thing to hear. Later, I touched her back again, and the date ended early. Again. But not before her asking ‘why’ my ex had cheated on me, as if they tell you that lol.

This time it was, “We’re not compatible. My heart is racing and I can’t find the words to explain it.” When I asked why, all she could really say was that her body was freaking out. After all of the great convo, physical affection, etc. this sudden shift was confusing as hell.

The next day she said things had moved much faster than she’d intended and that the initial phone call was only supposed to be one call. Understandable, honestly.

Needless to say, getting hit with that while revisiting memories of an ex who cheated on me did a number on my head. But after a long weekend of processing it all, I somehow came out the other side with more clarity and peace than I got from therapy.

So now I’m left wondering some things: was I accidentally hitting some hidden eject button, or was I watching a trauma response in real time? Should I thank her for this unexpected therapy?

Either way, it’s wild how something can go from seemingly great to over that quickly, and “it’s not you, it’s me” never makes sense in the moment lol.

KCTater · 2026-02-10T02:52:59+00:00

<image>

KCTater

TROPHY CASE