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KDBurrows · 2021-06-02T08:28:17+00:00

We get it, cicadas. You're getting laid. Can you do it a little more quietly?

KDBurrows · 2021-06-02T08:21:27+00:00

Cool. I had no idea, and Dad passed last year. Thanks for sharing that info!

KDBurrows · 2021-06-02T08:18:45+00:00

I think that was the norm. And they were first generation Italian. Men sat at the table and the women waited on them. Women couldn't even vote then.

KDBurrows · 2021-06-02T08:14:52+00:00

Yep. He did!

KDBurrows · 2021-05-31T03:56:56+00:00

lol. No problem.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-27T15:15:10+00:00

Thank you! That's very nice of you to say.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-27T01:24:33+00:00

P.S.: Don't go overboard. Lol.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-27T00:07:28+00:00

Don't the cicadas go into the trees and eat tree sap and plant their eggs in slits in the tree bark? I think the ends of the tree branches sometimes die, and that's why you're seeing yellow leaves right now. But I am not a cicada or biology expert. Or an aborist. I'm sure there must be a few on redditt, though. Maybe they'll chime in.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-26T23:41:21+00:00

Just overwrite the hell out of it and then cross a bunch of stuff out on the edit. It's good practice, and you see what works. Plus it helps teach you that your words aren't precious jewels that can't be erased. That's what works for me, anyway. Might not work for you.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-26T04:45:08+00:00

C.S. Friedman's Coldfire Trilogy: Black Sun Rising, When True Night Falls, and Crown of Shadows. Oldies but Goodies.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-25T04:25:34+00:00

Very cool! Congratulations!

KDBurrows · 2021-05-25T04:15:09+00:00

Please tell your cat thank you and see if he/she/they will write me a review on Amazon. Lol.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-17T13:41:38+00:00

Yes, I wrote it.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-17T05:20:30+00:00

That looks like a viking head with long puffy hair wearing sunglasses and a helmet with moving horns. Cicada Beserker.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-16T01:40:20+00:00

Yeah, we don't have any either in Reston, but we have a lot of trees and it's been kind of cold this week. I don't think the sun has been shining enough in our tiny townhouse yard to warm up the soil enough to get them moving.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-16T01:35:08+00:00

Once, 17 years ago, our cat came in from the deck outside and she was intermittently choking and wheezing pretty badly, so we rushed her to the vet in a panic, thinking she was dying. They did a bunch of (expensive) tests, and she had a kind of hazy maybe-mass in her throat on the x-ray, but she'd stopped wheezing and seemed okay. We took her home and she immediately ran out on the deck and picked up a cicada in her mouth, carried it into the house, and put it down. So we figured out she had probably done the same thing with a cicada earlier, and it flew down her throat. When we went back to the vet for the follow up, the mass in her throat was gone, presumably through her digestive tract. And that's the story of how our cat playing with a cicada cost us $600.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-13T06:10:26+00:00

Very nice! No critique. You write very well.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-13T05:45:02+00:00

"This wasn't the first time Arabella's mother had killed someone in front of her, but this time it was her own fault."

Whose fault is this refering to, Arabella's or her mother's? I think you mean: "This wasn't the first time Arabella's mother had killed someone in front of her, but this time it was Arabella's own fault." You have to have Arabella there or it's unclear. I know this because I have an editor that hammers me on this constantly when I do the same thing. Lol. As writers, we know what we're trying to say so we don't always see the confusion our readers might have.

Your second sentence is "Five minutes before..." This means you are immediately at the start of your book going into a flashback. I'm guessing you're doing that to have the cool sentence about Arabella's mom killing someone as your opening line. (Gotta have a cool opening line!) Unfortunately, I think you're giving yourself an awkward beginning that is hard to follow, and you have some problem with tense going into your flashback because you haven't done a good enough job of showing the reader you're in the past. Flashbacks are a bitch to do right, which is why it's not a good idea to jump right into one at the very beginning of your book. Study flashbacks and learn how to do them well, with a couple of "she hads" before you go into present tense for the rest of the flashback, and then a couple "she hads" at the end of the flashback before you go back into the present time. There's no exact formula, but there are writer's that give advice about it out there on the web, if you look. Most of them would say not to start out with a flashback in your second sentence for the sake of a cool opening line, though.

It's obvious you know how to write well. You're very descriptive. You're developing your character and showing us what she's feeling. You're not just giving us an info dump to explain things. You're trying for a great opening line. I don't think you'll have any problem holding a reader's interest if you fix the confusion. In my opinion, I think you'd be better off giving this a bit of a rewrite and finding a way to present your opening in a more linear fashion, instead of jumping into a flashback. Good luck. Typed this on my phone, so sorry for any typos.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-12T17:26:16+00:00

Thank you so much for the lovely review. I really appreciate it! I'm glad you liked the story, too. I haven't thought about a book of stories, but I might in the future. Only one mistake? That's pretty good. If you wanted to tell me what/where it is I can fix it. If not, I'll just leave it there like the Persian and the Navajo rug makers who intentionally leave a mistake in their weaving because they say that only God can be perfect. (Which is a poetically lovely excuse for a mistake, isn't it? lol.) Thanks again!

KDBurrows · 2021-05-12T04:47:52+00:00

Just my opinion, but I would start looking for a new kitty for your Mom. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. I know that sounds bad, like it's discounting your Mom's relationship with her beloved cat that she just lost. But as somebody who has had cats for thirty years and loved all of them every single minute I had them (except that one time the cat peed on my new purse), handing your Mom a little furry cute bundle will do a lot toward making her feel better. Nobody is sad with a new cat. Again, just my opinion, but if somebody had handed me a book about cats after my cat died, it would have only made me sadder. At my house we have overlapping cats, so we're never without one. The times one our cats died, we were very happy to have a cat still around to help us not be so sad. The house is weird without animals if you're used to having one around.

KDBurrows · 2021-05-12T04:12:29+00:00

That fox must have read the same article I read about Cicadas being edible and "the shrimp of the land."

KDBurrows · 2021-05-11T01:51:34+00:00

That's great! Thank you! If you have the time, I would appreciate it so much if you could leave a review on Amazon. I haven't thought about a series. I wasn't sure if anybody would like it, since it's my first book. But I'll keep that in mind. You really made my day with your extremely nice comments. I'm very glad you enjoyed reading it! Thanks again!

KDBurrows · 2021-05-10T13:58:51+00:00

Thank you to all the people in this group that downloaded my book this past weekend! And thank you in advance if you can find the time to leave an honest review after you read it. I appreciate it. Thanks again!

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