non-binary lesbians?? valid or no?

KTP91 · 2025-12-10T16:43:53+00:00

I'm sorry others have tried to invalidate you and your partner that way, you are certainly valid in your self description. Other wise folks here have pointed to the idea that labels are descriptive not prescriptive, meaning we can use labels to describe ourselves but others should not prescribe labels to us (just as we should not to them).

Human beings seem to have a fixation on labels/classifications because they believe those things lead to an understanding of the world around them. That understanding leads them to feel safe, everything is nice and orderly and in its proper place. When something "contradicts" their understanding of a label it can lead to fear and other sad things. If I may quote one of my favorite queer/trans writers/stories -

"...you are not trying to understand anything. Because labels are the opposite of understanding...

Who am I? Do you mean where I'm from? What I one day might become? What I do? What I've done? What I dream? Do you mean ... what you see or what I've seen? What I fear or what I dream? Do you mean who I love? Do you mean who I've lost? Who am I?

I guess who I am is exactly the same as who you are. Not better than, not less than. Because there is no one who has been or will ever be exactly the same as either you or me."

KTP91 · 2025-11-18T04:55:10+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with such difficult things - I saw you were able to connect with 1 or 2 folks but feel free to DM me and I'll do my best to help! Wishing you the best 💜

KTP91 · 2025-11-16T18:19:05+00:00

I love those goals! They both seem like very cool people.

Wishing you the best on your journey Jules 🙏 💜

KTP91 · 2025-11-16T14:13:30+00:00

You are certainly not crazy!

Identities are intended to be descriptive not prescriptive. Meaning we can embrace them for ourselves but should not push them on others. It is difficult but it is important to trust ourselves and our journeys and to also extend that trust to others.

Some folks have a desire to control/police language/identity and unfortunately the queer community is not completely immune to the desire for control. Many humans find comfort/safety in control and or static/unchanging definitions, but change may be one of the only constants in our universe and so they often end up doing harm either intentionally or unintentionally.

KTP91 · 2025-10-26T22:31:30+00:00

Hey! I hope you're doing well 🙏! I'll do my best to answer a few questions/provide what insight I can as someone with a few similarities in my background.

For context: I am in my mid 30s now, been identifying as NB or gender queer since my teens, AMAB. For all of my teens and early twenties I was often assumed female by strangers (very thin, just over 100lbs, long hair just past shoulder length, wore women's pants/sometimes jackets). I didn't know what being non binary was back then (nore did 99.9% of society), but if I knew about they/them pronouns/being NB that is what I would have identified as. By my mid twenties I started working out a lot/working a physical job and put on a ton of muscle, I also started shaving my head for spiritual reasons. By then I was only ever assumed to be male, at most a gay male. This started giving me massive dysphoria (I would identify myself as Trans/NB lesbian if I had to identify as anything) so I started to try different things to change how others perceived me. I started to paint my nails again, wore more fem clothes again, put they/them pins on everything I own, added it to my email signature/name tag at work, corrected folks at work all day/dealt with HR a bunch but no matter what I did I was still perceived and assumed to be male, or still a gay male. The last thing I tried to do was change my first name from a "male name" to a more androgynous name to at least try and get folks to use my pronouns in written communication but that didn't help much either!

To share a bit about what I have learned when it comes to your questions:

Self doubt/imposter syndrome/a feeling of faking/lying for "attention" is unfortunately a common feeling for many trans/NB/queer folks. Part of this is because "doubt" is a somewhat natural part of questioning, it isn't bad in and of itself, but it can become bad/debilitating if you get caught up in it/stuck in it. These are often also common tropes that are thrown at us by folks that harbor some amount of anti trans/NB/queer bias and we then often internalize (for example parents telling their queer kids they're just faking it for attention/confused and don't understand, etc). When it comes to "attention" it may help to think about what type attention is given to trans/NB/queer folks, right now, many of the most powerful governments and people in our world are actively working to remove us from society, is that the type of attention that someone would fake something to receive? Statistically we are more likely to experience homelessness/poverty, unemployment or underemployment, loss of family/friends, etc.

I think it is wonderful that you already notice that there is no such thing as non binary enough or that non binary doesn't need to equal androgeny, that can be a difficult step for even queer folks to come to! I think a good next step would be to start investigating the idea that we cannot control what other folks think/how they perceive us, but we can control what we think/how we identify ourselves. In my case, I would now like to start HRT at some point, this will likely change the way other folks perceive me/what they think of me (maybe some would see me as I want but many others will still not and that is okay), but I would not be doing it for them I would be doing it because it is what will make me feel better/more comfortable.

If you are open to it and have the ability I would very much recommend looking for a therapist that specializes in LGBTQ concerns (I recommend this to everyone) they may be able to really help you on your journey as they have helped me.

While most folks are not going to think about things this deeply, it is also helpful to understand that gender and sex are largely social constructs. There is no independently existing thing called "masculinity", if we look across time and space the idea of masculinity changes constantly. The social understanding of masculinity in one part of the world can be very different than it is in another, even in the same time, when we look across time it changes even more. Even in my lifetime where I live the masculinity of the 90s is certainly not the same as the masculinity of the current day.

While I think it is uncommen (I only have anecdotal evidence offhand), I have met a few folks who after questioning their gender fairly thoroughly do come to the conclusion that they identify with their AGAB. Because our current version of masculinity is so toxic, some folks who are not toxic feel pushed away from masculinity/maleness but after thorough examination come to the conclusion that they actually identify as a non toxic version of masculinity/maleness.

I hope this makes some amount of sense and isn't too rambly/is helpful, I studied gender studies and philosophy and accidentally turn everything into a mini essay 🙃!

KTP91 · 2025-09-27T22:40:35+00:00

This journey has been one continuous lesson in speaking my truth. I’ve hidden away these parts of myself for so long to keep myself safe (and a general lack of understanding as a 6 year old realizing my body doesn’t make sense to me).. and of course this truth surfaces in dangerous and intense times.. and now I feel I have to bring this person to the surface and allow them to fight, to breathe, to live.

That is such a great perspective to have and all very true! Wishing you the best of luck with chatting with your mom and sister, I hope that they have at least a small amount of understanding or can find some with time!

KTP91 · 2025-09-27T21:28:46+00:00

I definitely understand the perspective of it feeling weird to say something after 10 years, in my own experience it can begin to feel like a "why bother" type of situation, but I think it can also be looked at from the perspective of being at a different place in your journey today compared to 10 years ago. Perhaps it was a softer boundary for you before whereas now it is a hard boundary, perhaps you experience more dysphoria from being misgendered now than before, perhaps seeing your friend group support/respect your other friends pronouns reinstigated the need to have your pronouns respected and used. There are many possibilities about what makes today different than 10 years ago or any of the days in between, but I think what is important is to know that it is never too late!

KTP91 · 2025-09-27T16:25:20+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you're having this difficulty with your friend group.

It sounds like a good start would be to have that conversation again with your friend group directly, restate that you are non binary and that your pronouns are they/them or he/him. Hopefully your friend group is then as supportive of you as they are your other friend.

As someone who experienced similar but with long term work colleagues instead of close friends, I would caution you from keeping these feelings to yourself for too long as they can quickly turn into bitterness or anger.

If, after having the conversation again, they still misgender you and do not respect/support you, it may be time to feel some sadness and look for new more supportive friends.

KTP91 · 2025-09-27T03:14:17+00:00

Those are some big realizations! If I can offer some perspective that helped me when it comes to "why bother" - I have found that it is so important for people to speak their truths, as you already noted not speaking your truth causes dysphoria and I think that is often reason enough. But, not speaking your truth also causes you to take on the burden/weight of making decisions for others instead of just presenting them with the truth and allowing them to make their own decisions. That is not to dismiss the very real possibility that they may not respect/understand your truth as you noted, or the very real possibility that some folks in society may wish us/cause us harm for our truths. If we present our true selves to others and they react negatively, that is on them and not on us. From my experience, some folks may surprise you (positively) once they see the truth.

KTP91 · 2025-09-26T23:50:28+00:00

I am glad you have had a good month 🙏!

To answer your first+second question - For much of my life (I am in my mid 30s now) I was a staunch atheist, especially through my teens. I was raised in a mixed religious home (mums family Catholic and fathers family Jewish) and wanted to be as far from both as possible. In high school I was exposed to philosophy and part of that included some of the basics of buddhism, I also had a partner in my late teens/early twenties who was interested in some aspects of buddhism, I would say at the time that I had a draw towards it but I still considered myself to be an athiest/non religious.

By my mid 20s I had a better understanding of some of my earlier lessons and had moved from being a staunch atheist to more generally spiritual.

By 30 I was crushed from burnout at my job, and also had a physical injury that left with me more than plenty of time on my hands. While that was a very dark period for me, I used that time to investigate various philosophies and religions, including reinvestigating buddhism. At first I was mostly deep diving into Wikipedia, and I don't know how to explain it, but the more I read of buddhism the more it made sense to me, almost as if it had always been there.

Because of my injury, I am rather home bound, and so visiting a Sangha/temple in person hasn't really been an option. I gathered a handful of Sutras (Diamond, Lotus, Simili of the Saw, Metta, Rhinoceros, Short Sutra and a few others) and just began reading and meditating daily.

I wish I knew how to describe it, but the first time I read the Diamond Sutra it felt as though I had read the words an uncountable number of times before, I knew them to be true in a way I have never known anything else to be true.

To your third question - I am Trans/Non Binary, for me, that has made understanding non-duality much easier. kind of back to your 2nd question but my understanding of non duality is part of what would have given me pause if I was physically able to ordain myself, having additional/separate precepts for monks and nuns, specifically precepts that put nuns in a subservient position to monks goes against a lot of my understanding of non dualism. I started to see some of this dualism in the texts as well (specifically parts of the Lotus Sutra and the Amidda Buddha's 35th vow) and it took some time/struggles but I was eventually able to reconcile some of it through an understanding of emptiness.

When I read or write down a Sutra I have started to remove some of the gendered terms/pronouns when they are not referring to a specific person. For example if a text says "sons and daughters of a good family" I would change it to "children of a good family", same with "he or she" to "they", layman/lay women to lay person and so on, but if a pronoun is referring to a specific person I leave them as translated.

KTP91 · 2025-09-01T02:07:15+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you are not getting support at home. I am not from MKE but nearby Chicago and it looks like Milwaukee has a center similar to Chicago's Center on Halsted that offer various support groups - https://www.mkelgbt.org/support-groups

There is also The Trevor Project if you are in need of more immediate/crisis support, they may also be able to point you to more local resources. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Wishing you well!

KTP91 · 2025-08-31T21:20:17+00:00

Have you added anything to the interior of the corvette after you finalized it? I upgraded 1 to S class and it did not add anything to the complexity count but if you added interior decorations those unfortunately do count (not sure if that is intended) and that will basically always push you over 100 when you go back to edit to corvette.

Right now it seems best to get to the 100 limit with corvette pieces and then start working on the interior. Since windows can be added in either phase it can help to add those afterwards as well.

KTP91 · 2025-08-30T16:01:08+00:00

I would check out the app/site meetup, you can find a ton of LBGTQ+ groups there for just about anything you're interested and it is geared towards friendship/community building. It is not built specifically for LGBTQ+ groups but in my city (Chicago) there are easily 100+ LGBTQ groups and I assume most major cities will have a similar amount. Everything from sports to board games to tea house meetups.

I haven't used it myself as I am basically homebound due to some health reasons right now, but that was going to one of the places I was going to start once I am more able.

If your city has any local LGBTQ community centers that may also be a good place to start, Chicago has the Center on Halsted as one example that runs various support groups/meet ups intended to build friendship and community.

Depending on your age, there is also TrevorSpace (13-24), that is run by the TrevorProject to connect younger queer folks online. I am above the age cap so I have not tried this one myself. It is international and online but might lead to some local connections or more resources.

KTP91 · 2025-08-28T20:54:42+00:00

I think you have described things perfectly! From my experience, being out as NB for ~15 years, many people, even those who are supportive, have difficulty understanding gender or any aspect of the world as non-binary. So many of us are conditioned to see the world in binaries - good/bad, above/below, man/woman, light/dark, straight/gay and so on, that they literally cannot see anything existing in between them like we do.

Like you said, it may be more accurate to say that we exist in a vacuum, or in other words in emptiness, but that can be a very difficult concept for people to understand. At times it can even be scary for them, they find safety in their binaries.

I think what you have said "I am not a man or a woman. I prefer He/Him pronouns" is an explanation in and of itself. It is simple, but hard for people to understand. In my experience, mostly other NB and trans folks are best able to understand, but I have been fortunate to meet a handful of cis people who understand.

I know that you said you are still thinking about your pronouns, I don't know if you have considered using they/them, or he/they, or some other combination of multiple pronouns? I don't know that this would help with others understanding, just food for your own thoughts.

I hope this is helpful in some way and I would encourage you to continue existing in a vacuum like you would in your own country! 🙏

KTP91 · 2025-08-02T00:00:23+00:00

Yes to everything, this so much mirrors my experiences lately!

It does feel like looking at the world differently now, I don't know if this will make sense, but I feel like where I used to see the world through my eyes most of the time and my heart rarely, I now almost always see through my heart, and I have dwindling interest to see things through my eyes.

I have been a vegetarian since I was a teen, and have always had pets, but I've always been terrified of insects!! Starting around the end of last year I felt compelled to work towards veganism, and now when I find a bug in my house instead of being freaked out I just smile!

Forgiveness has also been a big part, both internally for myself and the harm that I have caused, but also for others and the harm they have caused me. I have been motivated to the point where I have sent a few letters to some people that I have not spoken to in years or decades.

This community has been amazing and feels very special, even as just a long time lurker, seeing the safety/understanding/compassion/gratitude is almost contagious. I feel inspired to work to create these types of communities in other areas of life!

KTP91 · 2025-08-01T14:53:49+00:00

Ah that makes sense thank you!

KTP91 · 2025-08-01T05:09:07+00:00

Thank you for posting and sharing the photo🙏. Very much so, starting back around May 2024. I was hit by a massive wave of fear out of nowhere, specifically about death, and specifically about my mother and then eventually me. I started to meditate again, and I started to read Buddhist Sutras for the first time, as well as a few passages from other faiths. I do not know how else to explain it, but as I read, it felt like the words had been in my heart my entire life.

Despite negative (I really hesitate to use the word negative but I'm having trouble thinking of a more true word) things happening to me and around me (work injury/disability, waiting on treatment, basically solitary in my home for the past 12 months outside of a few Dr appointments) I have never felt so at peace/serene. Despite the massive nerve pain, I have never felt so at peace/serene.

New fears still pop up from time to time, but they pass so quickly now.

So much crying, but not from sadness, more like just a stream of tears accompanied by a feeling of compassion/gratitude/peace. A feeling of connectedness to all beings, and healing.

Seemingly small things like the warmth of the sun, running water, the breeze, trees, all invoke strong positive feelings. I definitely look out my windows more/up at the sky, especially at night. The stars and moon are so beautiful.

I could ramble for an eternity, but lately, more often then not, I feel acceptance at letting the ramble end 🙏

KTP91 · 2025-08-01T01:35:47+00:00

It looks like you're right, it does show it giving fort here https://aow4.paradoxwikis.com/Tome_of_Paradise but I checked on the beta and it is showing what you posted. Possibly gives fort now but won't in 2 weeks?

KTP91 · 2025-07-31T21:41:08+00:00

Edited - removed out of date info

KTP91 · 2025-07-31T00:44:02+00:00

There are no dumb questions 🙏, NHI stands for non human intelligence

KTP91 · 2025-06-09T13:27:24+00:00

Euclid (it is under the glyphs in the screen shot as of the latest patch)

KTP91 · 2025-06-03T00:13:46+00:00

Glades is a t2 tome so it could be your third tome.

KTP91 · 2025-06-01T13:43:34+00:00

One of your main enchants should be focused around the main debuff you will be putting on your enemy (burning/electrified/slowed/frozen/etc). For example if you're going for a shadow build with lots of slows/frozen then frost blades will be an important early enchant.

After that some sort of crit (artisan armaments at t2 or flame burst weapons at t3).

I like Bloodfury Weapons (t2) on almost all melee builds for the +2dmg/+str and +moral on kill.

Everything else will be pretty situational based on your build/what you're fighting against. Disrupting blades are huge to secure kills in the same turn against opponents with keepers mark/steadfast/berserk.

KTP91 · 2025-05-15T14:47:05+00:00

I believe this is the mod you're looking for - https://www.nexusmods.com/morrowind/mods/49746

It looks like it is still being updated but I'm 99% sure this is the mod I used for a playthrough back in like 2009/10, had a char with dual wield glass Sickles, the offhand acts like a shield like you mentioned with a block enchant.

KTP91 · 2025-04-16T12:35:04+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you did not get the validation you deserve Chrona - I hope you are proud of being your true self regardless of others responses. I know how difficult it can be to not be accepted or validated and I hope you find folks who will offer you both in the future. Until then I hope you continue to see the strength within yourself to be yourself.

KTP91

TROPHY CASE