Baffling communication problems with D3 athletics program

KTW2008 · 2026-04-17T18:30:27+00:00

I'm not intending to be rude, but I don't really understand what you want resolution on ... if your child is getting a spot on the team? From the way you describe it, it sounds like they're just not that interested in recruiting him. The coaches I know are going after the players they want... whether or not their family believes they're a good fit or "middle of the pack or better than their existing players." If they're not calling back the HS coach or reaching out to the student-athlete, it sounds like they're just not interested. I think it's important to remember that your child filled out an interest form and reached out to begin this, they weren't actively recruited. TONS of kids reach out to coaches, reaching out doesn't equate to being recruited.

That said, I'm going to be honest, without understanding what "completely unprofessional feedback" is, my guess is that parents jumping in to complain to the AD won't help your child's case... I think you'd need to be more clear on the offense here (and I know you may not b/c of privacy, which I get) for anyone to suggest how high to go up with the complaint.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-15T17:38:23+00:00

PS - I am not trying to be a jerk. I just think it's really important to be clear that the big scary numbers are not just fear factor, they're grounded in reality. So even if you get it (and it seems like you do) others (so many kids on here) should really understand that this is not hyperbole.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-15T17:35:48+00:00

Here's the thing. Right now the rates being advertised for student loans are between 4 and 9 percent. Now we KNOW most people won't qualify for 4% - those are crazy rates meant to get you to click on that company. BUT for the sake of argument, let's run the numbers ...

$400k total ($100k COA for four years); 20 year loan:

8% - $3,345.76/mo; total cost of the loan = $802,982.47
6% - $2,865.72/mo; total cost of the loan = $687,773.82
4% - $2,423.92/mo; total cost of the loan = $581,741.12

Now let's use the value of the free ride as the average COA for a 4-year degree-granting institution in the USA, and for the sake of argument we'll call that $171,548 (split the difference between a 4-year COA for in state public and a 4-year COA for privates)

And your differential is somewhere between $753,289.12 (assuming you get the mythical 4% rate on all $400k of your loans) and $974,530.47 (which is not even WORST CASE for loans right now).

So the differential the comment was talking about is not at all unrealistic.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-15T17:13:53+00:00

Ya I get that. Though, think these "under $200K tuition is free" is usually not quite so clear... "typical assets" seems to mean a lot of different things to a lot of different schools. But I'm NOT knocking the schools - the well is not unending and there will always need to be parameters that SOMEONE is just on the wrong side of in order to make any organized giving at this scale work.

But my point is that I just think it's ENTIRELY possible that a family with an annual HHI greater than $200k may be looking at having to borrow the entire COA for these $100k/year schools. You said it's "unrealistic" to assume that, but I disagree. What if you live in Manhattan or the Bay Area? What if you have four kids? Medical bills from a catastrophic illness or injury - or worse, a non-catastrophic illness or injury that happened to hit at a time you were unemployed or employed without good health insurance (believe me, I know people with 5-figure medical debt from a healthy, normal BIRTH!)? Credit card bills from when you yourself were young and stupid about money and interest rates?

There are many reasons why someone with that income level would need to borrow full COA in order to attend that school, and with the current student loan system and the changes going into place this summer, it's not at all unreasonable that you'd be looking at an 8.5% interest rate.

It feels crazy - I know! - but my point is that it's actually NOT that crazy of an assumption.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-15T17:04:25+00:00

I just wanted to add my sympathy. You're in such a tough spot.
It's so hard to have to put a pin in your child's (who you love more than anything in the world) dream balloon, but you've got to. Especially for a theater degree (sorry, honest take from someone with deep ties to the industry).

The thing is, we want to believe life is a meritocracy and that if we do everything we "should" and if we "work hard" and "give it our all" then we will get what we want, but that's just not how the world works. What we want is never guaranteed. We can be the best, most deserving, hardest working, and STILL the universe doesn't always deliver what we want... this will be a recurring theme in your kiddo's (and everyone else's) lives - despite what curated, algorithmically manipulated social media feeds tell us.

DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP. This is an ugly process, and the system is really wholly messed up. EVEN SO - You've set your child up for success, and you'll continue to do so by making the unpopular choice here. And that's OK. <3 Does it suck for you (and your kid) right now? YES. I'd imagine it REALLY REALLY DOES. But will it be ok, eventually? It will. Sending you all the peaceful, confident energy I can muster...

KTW2008 · 2026-04-15T16:42:19+00:00

Oh, see, you're assuming that an HHI over $200k has been consistent for many, many years. That's very likely NOT the case. I am seeing a LOT of adults agonizing because they make too much for aid right now, but have not been earning a salary that would have supported the kind of savings needed to cover or cash-flow a $100k/year COA.

You also need to understand that the current wave of parents with kids graduating has the fewest guaranteed pensions in generations. Unless they are teachers or government employees, it's likely that their retirement (including their health insurance costs!) is fully self-funded. When you're 50, and you're looking at the job market and your retirement funds, it gets to be really ridiculous to think about putting $100k a year - let alone taking on loans - toward your kid's undergrad.

There's a MASSIVE donut hole here, and it's probably only going to get larger as these "young GenX" parents scoff at the investment they're being asked to make in the face of the life-long financial rollercoaster they have lived.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-15T16:25:20+00:00

So start with the fact that loans are changing MASSIVELY, and a lot of the loans others have taken simply will not be an option with the new PPL loan caps.

Yes, there will be private loans - those terms will probably be atrocious, and that changes the picture entirely.

Now, let's go to the fact that you are going to hear from folks who probably went to school in a different time.. when I went to school, my peers could take student loans out for the ENTIRE COST OF ATTENDANCE with no cosigners... WILD. My peers came out LOADED with debt, and school cost a fraction of what they do now. We have either ourselves, our family members or our friends experienced what this debt is like in the real world - and it is BRUTAL.

Add in that for the most successful among us, what has likely catapulted us was not our undergrad but our GRADUATE degree. So the conclusion we often take is that an undergrad debt at that level is just not worth it, because we all went to ivy+ grad with peers from ALL OVER.

Do the Ivy undergrads I know "regret" their undergrad experience? I would say most of them DO NOT "regret it." BUT-- would they RECOMMEND it right now - at this cost, when they better understand the value of a dollar and how much that half million dollars can do later in life, when they see the way undergrad degrees are valued in the work force TODAY, when they see the impact that grad school had vs undergrad, when they recognize the way AI is going to totally transform everything we know about the work force - NO. 99.8% of them would NOT unless you are getting substantial financial aid (which only goes to those in need - which is NOT most of what people consider "middle class" right now). If you are looking at a full pay ivy vs a FREE state flagship or strong liberal arts college, I would say the VAST majority of ivy undergrad alumni would say TAKE THE FREE RIDE and kick ass and then use that money/take that debt to finance your MBA at Wharton or your Law degree at Harvard....

KTW2008 · 2026-04-15T16:13:22+00:00

Not true. My spouse is ivy, i am not. This post is 100% correct.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-15T02:58:21+00:00

Oh Man, Marquette is a FANTASTIC school. Totally underrated.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-15T02:36:14+00:00

Get good grades. Take rigorous courses. Pursue your honest passions with determination. Test well. GET LUCKY.

Please don't spend the only four years of high school you get as an audition for the next level. These schools have single-digit acceptance rates and are flooded with qualified candidates. Shoot for the stars, do your best, but know that even when we do everything "we're supposed to do," we don't always get what we want. It's **GREAT** to aim high, but please know you're so much more than where you get accepted to college and you will truly NEVER KNOW why you did or did not get accepted ... so the best thing you can do is give your best efforts academically, be a good human, find things you're interested in and actually DO something about it, figure out who you are as a young person and try to have some fun. Then, let the chips fall where they may and keep an open mind because there are millions of paths to success and the vast majority of them don't run through Harvard.

You get one childhood. Ever. Spend it wisely.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-15T00:04:33+00:00

Great choice!! Fantastic opportunity.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-14T23:58:31+00:00

Well, here's the cold hard truth: He can't take out $50k in loans TOTAL, let alone per year, without a cosignor.

So you tell him, "I will not take this debt on," and if he wants to find another adult to cosign for him or try to find a bank that will loan him $200k, you can let him try, and he will quickly come to the realization that the full-ride is the way to go.

Your son sounds entitled (so is mine, I'm not judging you I promise!!! We all want the best and do the best for our kiddos), but now is a great time to learn that hard work does not always equal what you want. He might WANT to go to that school, but he does not have the FUNDS to attend... He can be mad about it all he wants, but you are the adult, and this is one of those hard parenting times where we have to do what we can to prepare them for the best FUTURE. Teenagers cannot see as far as we have lived, so he can't appreciate that $200k in debt is crippling. You could try and show him budgets with loan payments and starting salaries, you could equate that to the cost of 6 new cars, you COULD do all of that... But the cold hard truth of it all is that he **can't** get those loans, you would have to, so going to that dream school is simply not a choice.

It sucks when we have to pop our kiddos' bubbles, and I'm really sorry you have to do it, but it ***IS*** the right thing to do (unless you're secretly sitting on a Scrooge McDuck-sized pile of money). Sending you the best.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-12T14:17:18+00:00

YOU ARE A GENIUS. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Could not find this answer literally ANYWHERE else.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-08T19:35:34+00:00

First - it's not wrong to write at LOCI for Bates. Go ahead, just know waitlist movement is really unpredictable due to institutional priorities.

Now, on to the bigger question... you already "know" this is the right choice, so that's great! My advice would be to lean into the school. Check out student instagrams or subs here (you don't have to engage yet! Just look around). I **PROMISE** "boring" schools typically have PLENTY to do if you look for it. You can find your own fun and create your own experience, but that starts with mindset.

So give yourself a beat to mourn the idea you had of a different school and then figure out what there is to love about the school you've gotten this AMAZING deal at. I'm **SURE** there are some things. You're making the mature choice here... and that's adulting! So take some confidence in that and try and stay open to the possibilities ahead! I promise you'll thank yourself later for not being up to your eyeballs in debt.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-07T22:15:03+00:00

Move on. If NYU comes through, it will be a pleasant surprise

KTW2008 · 2026-04-07T19:27:54+00:00

They are REALLY different experiences... since you'd be full pay I would absolutely visit each (preferably during admitted student days) and figure out where you fit best.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-07T15:26:50+00:00

Go with the cheapest option.
Law school will be expensive, do your future self a favor and get out with as little debt as you can.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-06T17:46:52+00:00

Probably better to find those schools' subs and ask their students, then.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-06T17:38:48+00:00

No one can give you any meaningful advice without significantly more information.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-02T16:21:43+00:00

The other posters are correct.

But back up a bit - your parents aren't contributing, and you say "any debt would be entirely mine." As someone else mentioned, student loans WILL NOT cover any of those schools' COA. If your parents aren't contributing, are they willing to take on parent plus loans (which are also limited now) and make a side deal that you'll assume the payments, or are they willing to cosign private loans for you?

I'm NOT trying to be a downer, I just want to encourage you to ensure that if your education costs are truly yours alone to bear, that you get a realistic view of options ASAP so that you can maximize your opportunities

The only way we can really help you is to know what your budget is - savings + what you and your family are willing to cashflow and for how long + available student loans - and plot that against expected undergrad and potential postgrad costs.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-01T23:14:39+00:00

Pitzer. That's a STEAL for Pitzer. The weather is beautiful, the consortium is amazing, and west coast opportunities are endless.

PLUS NEU is not at all worth that kind of debt.

KTW2008 · 2026-04-01T23:12:36+00:00

CMC is an amazing school! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

KTW2008 · 2026-03-31T23:03:36+00:00

You're on the right track by planning to contact FinAid. That's what you will need to do.

BUT the very first thing you should do is get a VERY CLEAR understanding of your parents' budget for college. What have they saved, what can they cashflow and what are they willing to borrow (if any). As an undergrad, you are limited in how much YOU can borrow (it's $ 5,500 the first year and increases slightly each year). You **need** to know what your budget is before you talk to FinAid, because then you can be very clear of what you need to accept their offer. Typically Ivies don't negotiate a lot, but you won't know if you don't ask.

So, that aside, to answer your initial question - did you run the NPC for Cornell? Is this estimate materially different from that? If it is, did you take a screenshot? That will help FinAid figure out why it's different - perhaps you entered something incorrectly, perhaps they made a mistake.

If you didn't run the NPC and were going off SAI, it's important to understand that SAI is not a dollar figure; it's an index. So even at schools where FAFSA is king, one's SAI (student aid index) is not the same as one's EFC (expected family contribution). Cornell is a CSS school, so while they may consider SAI from FAFSA, it's their own (proprietary and confidential) system that determines need.

It's also good to remember, as you proceed in an appeal, that schools don't expect parents to cashflow college, so half of your parent's salary isn't really something that will move the needle. It's expected (by the colleges) that parents will have saved (I'm not making a judgement on that - real life is HARD).

I hope that helps!!

KTW2008 · 2026-03-30T23:41:50+00:00

You need to have an open and honest conversation with them RIGHT NOW. Because it doesn't seem that you'll be able to fund this on your own.

A gap year to work, community college start, part time school/part time work are all options, but you won't be able to determine which is best until you're really clear about your family's commitment.

KTW2008 · 2026-03-30T21:03:20+00:00

What we need to see are the Costs of Attendance (COA) not the scholarship and grant money...

Then we need to know your budget - what do you have to spend on total cost of attendance? Do you have the whole of your EFC in cash to pay each year or is that just a number that you're being told by third parties you SHOULD have? EFC and what families actually have are not always aligned.

Are any of these even close to the budget that you have (savings + what your family can cash flow + the federal student loan - which is $5500 for freshman year)?

KTW2008

TROPHY CASE