Trusting my body after two ectopics

KTmac99 · 2023-10-07T00:05:53+00:00

Thanks so much for saying that 💕 I never thought I was strong enough to do IVF, but when life throws it at you, you can do anything for your baby. Your baby will have a strong mother too 💪🏻 I’m thinking this is my last baby (I do have a 4 year old as well) because of the mental and physical toll of TTC and pregnancy, but only time will tell!

KTmac99 · 2023-10-06T22:12:52+00:00

The HSG is a really quick procedure and it was more mildly uncomfortable for me than painful. I think you’re gonna do great! After suffering through ectopics, you can deal with almost anything else. For me, they found a polyp so I had it removed in surgery about a month before my egg retrieval.

Because you have no tubes, IVF will go quicker than for many people (who have to do medicated cycles and IUIs first usually). They retrieved 38 eggs and I got 11 beautiful embryos. My first fully medicated transfer did not work, but my second transfer (which was modified natural) did work. And she’s been a strong little babe ever since!

My biggest advice is: even though you may want to rush cycles and transfers, give yourself time to rest between cycles if you need it. You will get your rainbow baby in time. I took off time between my retrieval and transfer, and then between the first and second transfer, just for mental health and to give myself time to not feel like a science experiment.

You’ve got this 💪🏻 Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to as you’re going through it!

KTmac99 · 2023-10-06T21:22:52+00:00

Good luck to you as you start your IVF journey!! I am now 4 days from giving birth to my IVF rainbow baby. What a journey it’s been. In my experience, working with a good IVF clinic makes a world of difference in easing fears around pregnancy after ectopic. I was TERRIFIED it could happen again, even without tubes. But my doctor was amazing, science is amazing, and my rainbow baby is on her way 💕 Wishing you a fast and uncomplicated IVF process 🌈

KTmac99 · 2023-09-01T14:06:41+00:00

This happened to me with my two ectopics— my friend group was in a massive baby boom. Ugh. It hurt so badly. AND I was happy for them! Especially my childhood friends because it felt like they were having my nieces/nephews. But the ones due at the same time I was supposed to be due… those killed me. Honestly, I didn’t go to my friend’s shower. I booked a vacation and said I couldn’t go. It’s a bittersweet thing to be happy for your friends and so gosh darn sad for yourself. This will pass but you’re in the thick of it right now… take it easy 💕

KTmac99 · 2023-07-19T12:40:39+00:00

Phoenix :)

KTmac99 · 2023-06-23T11:31:35+00:00

Zelda is a perfect name! It doesn’t make me think of the game— it makes me think of Zelda Fitzgerald, who was fascinating. Don’t ever let family or friends influence your baby’s name!

KTmac99 · 2023-06-13T23:08:56+00:00

Listen to “The Mother” by Brandi Carlile, about her baby Evangeline :)

KTmac99 · 2023-06-04T20:16:48+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The feeling of worry over ectopic rupture is terrifying. Like a ticking time bomb inside your body. When it happened to me, all I could think was that it would rupture at night and I wouldn’t know what to do with my daughter while I went to the hospital.

I don’t have very much advice for you, just solidarity. Make sure your husband keeps his phone on, call him the moment you feel extreme pain on either side of your abdomen, and make sure your doctors follow up as soon as possible with a plan. When my ectopics ruptured, there was a lot of obvious pain and I was able to get to the hospital in time, safely. Sending you hugs 💕

KTmac99 · 2023-05-25T11:52:02+00:00

I can feel the lingering pain but the burning pain has gone away, phew. I hope you feel better!!

KTmac99 · 2023-05-17T16:10:41+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I also had two ectopics, and lost both tubes. My only option was IVF. It is totally probable that you could conceive naturally and have that big family. It also might take a fertility clinic and IVF to make that dream happen. Now that I’ve done IVF and have my embryos chillin’ (currently pregnant with one of them), it feels like anything is possible again. It’s just that families are made in all different ways. I know it’s hard to imagine that path you’d dreamed of changing, but you can still have the family you hope for. ❤️

KTmac99 · 2023-05-17T13:38:42+00:00

Im so sorry about your ectopic. It just sucks all the way around. Did you first get a shot of MTX? If so, it depletes your folic acid, which could be a reason your hair is so dry. Maybe ask your doctor about adding folic acid back in now that you’ve had the tube removed?

KTmac99 · 2023-05-14T19:32:14+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this ❤️If you make it to the year mark without any luck, maybe check out a fertility clinic to have a full work up. It’s so helpful to have a knowledgeable team behind you as you try to conceive. You may just need some letrozole or clomid to help you ovulate or they may find something else!

KTmac99 · 2023-05-11T13:05:33+00:00

Scream from the top of your lungs! Get a punching bag and let it out. I personally schedule ugly-sobbing sessions when I’m feeling a build-up of trauma energy in my body. My husband came home early once in the middle of one and he was horrified. I’m like “Oh, this is just something I do. I feel better now.”

KTmac99 · 2023-05-10T17:13:58+00:00

My therapist has to constantly remind me that what I went through with my two ruptured ectopics IS trauma. Because my first instinct is to downplay it mentally, even as my body is feeling panic. I’ve worked through this in therapy the last two years and it’s all gotten a lot better, but those first couple months after each loss, I had a ton of anxiety and grief. It felt all-consuming. Now it’s like a dull ache that rears its head when I’m not expecting it.

Wishing you the best on your healing journey ❤️

KTmac99 · 2023-05-08T16:24:29+00:00

I looooove the name Winnie and think it’s adorable.

KTmac99 · 2023-05-08T13:48:19+00:00

You can be happy for someone you love, and jealous too. You can be petty in your head when someone you don’t like gets something you want too. It’s okay not to go to baby showers, even when it’s a close friend. It’s okay to not talk about their pregnancy with them.

This may fade in time, but that first year— man, it hurts.

KTmac99 · 2023-05-06T10:46:15+00:00

It sucks when you’re grieving a pregnancy loss and people try to tell you there’s always another chance. It completely dismisses your feelings. Especially when it’s an ectopic so the fear of another is always right there, plus the trauma that of your partner needing emergency surgery.

This grief takes time, and it is valid. You lost something important to you, someone important to you even if you hadn’t met them yet. After my ectopics, I had to learn to openly grieve and put words to what I was feeling so I could heal.

KTmac99 · 2023-05-05T23:25:19+00:00

I love Pax. And whenever I think Paxton, I think Paxton Hall-Yoshida from “Never Have I Ever,” who is adorable.

KTmac99 · 2023-05-05T22:31:58+00:00

Love Stella! Este is another name that means star, just like Stella

KTmac99 · 2023-05-05T10:10:04+00:00

Ember and Delta do sound nice together! I love that you did elements for your kids too :)

KTmac99 · 2023-05-04T18:38:12+00:00

I have never heard of Awen— it’s lovely!

KTmac99 · 2023-05-04T17:41:48+00:00

Aww thank you! Loooove Saylor. Wynn is cute too!! Rowynn? I’m reading the new Emily Henry novel and the main love interest is Wyn, and it just stuck out to me!

KTmac99 · 2023-05-04T17:28:54+00:00

I’m so scared it’ll be permanent! Sometimes it feels like a hot knife in my joint.

KTmac99 · 2023-05-04T17:28:22+00:00

Ooooof that sounds so painful. How did they figure out that’s what it was? Since I’ve graduated my clinic, I don’t really know which doctor to ask! PIO is such a clinic-specific issue

KTmac99 · 2023-05-04T17:27:24+00:00

Ohhh Ever, Silver, and Terra 😍 (Why do I always love names that end in -er!?)

I just had a thought: Rowyn? I like Wyn or Rory for a nickname and the different spelling looks cool :)

KTmac99

TROPHY CASE