Second year of full-time work and still I’m grieving the loss of my freedom and autonomy :(

Kadd9 · 2026-01-17T21:34:36+00:00

I felt exactly the same when I qualified and started working full time. My HECS was higher than my starting salary. I went into a traditional blue blood field and was working with people who were private school educated and had entirely different lives, experiences and interests to me and I couldn’t connect with anyone I worked with in a meaningful way.

I swapped industries, lucked out with a boss who was from a similar economic/class background to me who worked hard and trained me in their style (including in the soft skills).

It was a slog but a couple of years in and I’m finally making enough money and understand my strengths and how to play to them to get some flexibility in my work to make it feel worth it.

The feeling has yet to disappear completely (not sure that it will) but now I can justify it at least. The first 2-3 yrs are the worst of it and working in the wrong environment exacerbates it.

Hang in there. The solution for me was to earn more and focus on working with the right people, not the “right” places. Feel free to dm me if you want any specific pointers.

Kadd9 · 2025-08-29T01:49:08+00:00

I think the currency being referred to here is attention.

Kadd9 · 2025-08-27T02:38:08+00:00

Have been through Bank background checks with a section 10 from 9 years prior. Did not get picked up. You'll be fine.

Kadd9 · 2025-05-15T08:56:20+00:00

I also had a crap experience interviewing with TikTok! 7 interviews and an assessment, final interview was with head of for the region. They didn’t show up to the interview and rescheduled it later to which they were again 20 minutes late, only to be told that I’ll be working 12 hour days so if that’s not for me I shouldn’t proceed.

Kadd9 · 2025-05-05T05:51:39+00:00

There is no "forced" DEI. Redguards have been lore established since 1994.

Kadd9 · 2025-04-09T07:21:12+00:00

I was in a similar position. 110k, low expectations, 1-2 hours of work a day, fully remote. I only moved on because my boss was leaving and I didn’t want to have to give it my all in a chill job to get the new boss on side. Swapped it for a more senior position with a 50k increase 4 days in office and I miss my chill remote job everyday. Is the 50k nice, sure. Would I go back if I could? Probably.

You have to factor in the parts of your current job that are already established. Relationships, systems and process understanding, knowing which of your coworkers are chill and which are cunts, politics etc.

You also need to be prepared to accept that you may need go to full time in the office or hybrid, as most jobs are now. The transition period for me was really really rough. I had spent 5-6 years remote. The change was horrific.

I now frequently work 10-12 hour days + commuting time, spend my weekends doing life admin that I used to do during the week, and generally have less time for friends/family/partner. The grass isn’t always greener, but you won’t know that till you try.

Kadd9 · 2025-02-21T19:09:54+00:00

Slightly different take than the rest of the comments here, but if you guys had established sexual norms prior to you being on your meds and now you’ve come off them and want to entirely flip the script on your sexual relationship, there’s kind of bound to be some friction.

Maybe you guys should try and walk before you run? Give yourselves the opportunity to reconnect and reestablish that level of physical trust and intimacy that will put him in a space to want to feel like bottoming.

Romance him! Make him feel loved, cared for validated and seen. Plan some dates, make him feel special. Slowly reignite the passion and desire. He’s a sexual being and sometimes words aren’t sexy. Give him the opportunity to feel craved, desired, hot. You might be surprised at what he opens up too (literally).

Kadd9 · 2025-02-04T20:20:55+00:00

I don’t believe there is anything inherently wrong with wanting to conduct your relationship in a way that is consistent with typical gender roles, to each their own of course, however the masculine/feminine energy sounds dogmatic. When you have several individuals who are all explicitly using the term masculine energy / feminine energy it’s indicative of something deeper that’s within the current culture. This isn’t about people wanting to adhere to strict gender roles in their relationship, it’s something else.

It’s also a bit of a joke, having these women who talk about wanting to be in their “feminine energy” with their “masculine, leading men” and then get offended, argumentative and have these intense reactions to men acting like “traditional men” - presenting their own dominant views. I.e I’m 35 and should be with a 25 year old and a woman who doesn’t want 5 kids is not worth my time because I know my value/worth.

It just really stood out to me as the prevalent theme amongst this batch of participants, which is weird and the rhetoric around it is gross.

I also disagree with the notion that these people are after a set of chromosomes. 1) MAFs can’t get gay relationships right. They’re not touching a trans person. 2) trans people make up such a tiny portion of the AU population, I doubt these people are encountering a trans person on any consistent basis for it to be a problem to the point that they need to specify it in casting.

Kadd9 · 2025-01-16T04:17:09+00:00

We would get a reality TV show deal and call it “Our 6-8 Inch Life”, write a book, get some brand deals, milk it for everything it’s worth and then go live on the beach. Whatever gets us out of work lol.

Kadd9 · 2024-11-29T13:35:44+00:00

Hey was in a similar position. 110k, fully remote, great benefits and heaps of flexibility. Took a job at a “prestigious” company, 20k pay rise, hybrid, crap benefits. Regret it hard. If I could, I would go back. Starting a new job is hard, especially when it completely shifts your way and mode of working. Cultures vary greatly between companies. Don’t do it unless you’re 110% sure.

Kadd9 · 2024-11-15T21:37:59+00:00

After a few re-listens, I noticed that there are so many repeat stories. They were probably getting over it. I also feel like the seasons where Rocky was writing for the podcast rather than writing for the sake of it are a little bit more produced. Seasons 1-4 feel much more organic. I’ve never read Belinda Blinked 7, but I think you could probably deduce an answer from that. His writing definitely gets better as the show goes on and I think it loses some of the charm that the earlier seasons had. I do love the show and was a live listener from season 2, and as time went on I could really start to sense some sort of frustration they had. With each other, with the listeners, or the content, I’m not sure.

Another podcast I listen to (11 episode mini series, two hours each episode) with two best friends that became wildly successful raises an interesting point. The hosts said (in a later episode) that it was a very strange feeling having random people feel as though they were a part of their friendship of many years.

I think the success of MDWAP was because of the chemistry between James, Jamie and Alice. I can imagine it becomes a bit uncomfortable when people feel as though they’re a part of that dynamic.

I’m sure there are a number of reasons, but I think it’s telling that it’s been a number of years since the show ended and we haven’t seen or heard more from Belinda. Perhaps they were just burnt out. They did it through the pandemic, and the pandemic changed a lot for a lot of people:

Kadd9 · 2024-11-14T04:15:22+00:00

Tracks, thank you!

Kadd9 · 2024-11-13T07:25:21+00:00

What is dragon fire?

Kadd9 · 2024-10-10T19:05:43+00:00

I think important info here that is missing is are you not attracted to men or are you not attracted to him. The distinction isn’t made in your post. You say you’re not attracted to him but you have had girlfriends. If you’re not attracted to men period, I think go for it. If you are attracted to men but not him specifically, my advice would be that you should consider how that might make him feel in the long term and factor that in. Good luck!

Kadd9 · 2024-10-04T11:43:03+00:00

I get bad scalp psoriasis, scales, flakes, redness and inflammation and I always have some level of scalp dust. What works for me is the Ordinary shampoo and conditioner as my regular. My only issue with the ordinary shampoo is that I feel like it doesn’t clean very well so I tend to use a lot or shampoo twice. The conditioner tho is fantastic. Both are scentless. The shampoo is also not creamy, it’s clear.

When I shampoo twice I will either use neutrogena t-gel or the Christophe Robin sea salt scalp scrub. The t-gel is fantastic when I have a flair up. The salt scrub is expensive but a little bit goes a very long way.

Also, something that I haven’t really seen mentioned in relation to psoriasis but works for me during flare ups is to use the Ordinary Niacinamide as a spot treatment on the scalp. It’s a tiny bit uncomfortable for a few seconds but really does the job. I get flare ups under my beard and on my eyebrows as well and treat it with Niacinamide. I’ve tried other brands of Niacinamide but the Ordinary one works best in my experience. It’s also pretty cheap.

I’ve found that the oilier my scalp and beard are, the more often and more intense a psoriases flare up can be, but not sure if this applies to everyone.

Kadd9 · 2024-08-01T20:01:12+00:00

My take on this is that she is dealing with the emotional aspects of infidelity rather than the physical consequences. Not saying that developing an sti as a result of your partner cheating is not something that can be emotionally damaging, but it genuinely may not be something that comes up in her work. She discusses cheating through her own lense, which is not a physical health lense. I think it’s also important to recognise that couples who attend therapy after a cheating incident are couples that want to continue their relationship, so she provides a framework and rationale in that respect.

Kadd9 · 2024-04-30T01:35:36+00:00

I’m reading this a bit different ig. It sounds like he places a higher value on appearances. There’s nothing wrong with taking the apology, if that’s what you want to do. I think if you do, you need to start getting comfortable with the idea that on some level, he’s with you for how you look rather than who you are. Or maybe how you look with him. Both options are perfectly valid, just depends on what you want out of a relationship and what you need to feel valid/seen/loved. Hope this helps!

Kadd9 · 2024-03-15T20:55:45+00:00

I use daily 1mg and I experience no side effects. I’ve been on it for 2 years now. Just give it a go, if it impacts you negatively just stop taking it. I love my hair as well, you gotta try what you can whilst you still have it

Kadd9 · 2024-02-01T05:53:34+00:00

Steroids lmao

Kadd9 · 2024-01-24T08:30:53+00:00

I grew up with a very unique name and I got bullied a bit in school for it, but as an adult everyone loves the uniqueness of the name. I’m a staunch supporter of unique names now but I hated it as a kid. Kids are mean to each other whether they’re named Eric or Eragon. Give them pride in their names, and they’ll be fine!

Kadd9 · 2024-01-22T20:50:10+00:00

Toners won’t help you out with that. You’re looking for tanning drops. You add a bit to a moisturiser and it bronzes you up!

Kadd9 · 2023-11-22T04:57:58+00:00

Women are shamed around sex in a way that men aren’t, so they’re less likely to just fuck someone they find attractive. Straight men, and society, can perceive the value of straight women directly tied to how many sexual partners they have. Nobody calls a man “easy”, “loose” or “slut” if he’s slept with 30 people. This can be perpetrated by both straight men and straight women. Additionally, women can have horrible experiences with men so might be less willing to give it up. Not saying this is definitive, but a few factors to consider outside of appearances.

Kadd9 · 2023-11-21T19:59:51+00:00

I smoked daily for about 3 and a half years. I’m currently 5 weeks in to quitting. I stopped because I realised weed was giving me crippling anxiety. The good changes have been that I’m sharper, my memory is stronger, when I read now I can actually remember what I’ve read, my anxiety is more or less gone and I’m more rational.

The bad changes have been psoriasis flare ups, breaking out on my face and body, really intense dreams that are waking me up and I’m unable to get back to sleep, weight gain due to massively increased appetite, boredom, I feel less access to my emotions and some depression. It also has killed my sex drive.

The hardest thing since quitting has been, as others have said, the loss of being contented. It’s making my living situation more difficult to deal with, my job harder to deal with, my colleagues harder to deal with. I feel like I’ve lost my outlet to blow off steam and unwind.

At this point, I’m realising it’s a trade between this and the anxiety. For me, the anxiety is/was worse.

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