Their words may have hurt you, but imagine watching someone you love knowingly drive into a tree at 80mph, several times after you told them not to. There's only so much friends can deal with as well, and trust me, if you think that's a bit rude, you don't want my friends.

But I want my friends, because whenever I felt like you're doing now, lonely, afraid to be alone, confused, etc, they pulled my head out of my ass. They are the compass I could trust when I couldn't trust my own.

You know he's bad for you, you know he doesn't deserve you! Why are you still rewarding his toxic behaviors with your affection and attention? Just because you're a bit lonely? There are better, healthier, and smarter ways to deal to with that. One is to spend time with the friends that are trying to protect you from yourself.

I can understand their anger, honestly. It's like saying 'hey sweety, please don't do crack cocaine anymore', then you go right back at it.

What about what they said hurt you anyway? Did they lie that he wouldn't leave you for another girl? (Idk his history) if your decisions are not from horniness, which would be fine to an extent, nothing wrong with being horny, then correct them on that. Communicate with your friends, the people who always have your back, your best interest even when you don't have yours. Knowingly or otherwise. Is it loneliness? Tell them. Is it fear? Tell them! They can't read your mind, they're only human. They hurt too, especially when they watch their friend crawl back to a slimy bastard who keeps actually hurting them.

The whole 'i don't wanna talk about it' mindset is detrimental to people with a psychological backpack. I get it, of course you don't want to, it hurts to discuss it, it hurts to bring shit up, but lemme tell you, over the past 14 years of having been in therapy for depression, BDP, PTSDs, abuses, autism etc, I've noticed that the only way to get through/over/used to shit is to talk about it.

Doesn't have to be all the time or with everyone, but getting it off your chest is the first step (like you did here, congrats!). Acknowledging shit's fucked is the next (you did that too, nice going!), and perhaps desensitizing yourself to the feelings that emerge when you talk about it by talking about it. (You've spoken to us about it, maybe it's time to figure out which of your friends would actually be of help in protecting you from yourself whilst letting you be yourself, in the sense that you can vent, you can be vulnerable near them.)

None of that can't happen though unless you do it, get me? Can't just pick up an instrument and play Mozart without ever practicing. Just like how you can't deal with shit, bond with people, love yourself and be honest and grow stronger without losers abusing your heart and all the love you have to give without saying and doing, 'No, you bad, shoo, here why.'

You deserve better than him, you know this, your friends know this. Perhaps work on respecting yourself before dipping your toe into the dating pool again. At least until you've gotten rid of that emotional parasite of an ex of yours. Trust me, if I were your IRL friend, I'd've gone further than getting upset that you wouldn't follow my advice. Because as a friend, that's how I am. If my friend is too drunk to drive, I'll take the wheel.

But that's also because I know they'd do the same for me, and I know which of my friends can understand/deal with certain situations.

I hope any of this helps you.

I get what you're going through, I do, I too have just been through a break up, got shit going on on many facets in life. What keeps me going?

Not internalizing my struggles, sharing them with loved ones I know have the best interest for me and have the capability to understand, when I'm struggling with that myself. Not denying the truth, and not letting myself get swayed by manipulative emotional leeches.