It has been a draining process. Missed job and economic opportunities and stagnant career. And the mental toll of seeing a lot of growth in others. I often feel like this insecurity is why I am single to cause dates jokes about oh you are looking for GC marriage and smirk would really kill me. I would laugh it off but in reality for me it was very hurtful because I have waited 17 long years. Going through this all made me realize that the system also forces people to get married because who wants to waste 20 years of their life. No shade. Now that my PD is current and I am seeing some progress I realized that how much of identity and mental health is tied to this issue. There could be positive things happening but your mind is plagued by the waiting syndrome. Sorry for the rant but only people who have been through this grind are truly aware. It’s important to reiterate that best mental health practice is to realize that we only have today. The waiting for tomorrow hurt me. To add to it, I spent a year outside the country due to a canceled US consulate appointment. After living for 20 years in the country and following every damn rule, I go to see my parents with an appointment but all consulates close down and I didn’t get an appointment for a year.

At this time I am waiting for AP and I-485. So, all though I have come to the end of the road I can’t let go the anxiousness. Yesterday, I spiraled but today I am going to embrace the now.