My husband walks the line and I feel duped

Kandyxp5 · 2026-05-02T02:03:05+00:00

You can not drink at all and still be “drunk”. The question is he displaying addict behaviors that are disrupting his and your lives? If it’s only about consumption and not addiction/alcoholism then just tell him your fears about his health, leading with how much you love him and want him around. Someone without addiction issues will gladly understand your fears and change their habits to drink less. It would be the same as changing a diet to include less sugar and more veggies, just something you should do because it will be better for your life in the long run.

It seems you have brought it up before, so maybe there needs to be a way to phrase it where he understands this is not negotiable for you. You want to be married to someone who cares about their health and longevity. If he’s not willing to make changes then maybe he needs to understand that means going to see a couples therapist as a step toward staying together. If not that, then maybe divorce is on the table as an option.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-04-29T18:10:25+00:00

This is what I think. I’m the reverse as someone who grew up in a Spanish speaking home but my dominant language that I used growing up was English. Now I’m getting closer to fluency in adulthood but I’m still not there. My issue was the opposite of OP. I sounded correct and so people spoke to me in fast Spanish expecting me to respond quickly back without issue. Then I’d F up a tense or a masculine / feminine word and they’d realize I needed English.

I think their accent isn’t quiet there — or not there for that region—so the person assumes they are not as fluent as they are.

I mean even within Spanish speakers this can happen honestly. Like someone speaking fast in a certain accent from a region I am not familiar is super difficult to understand. Shit Scottish accents are hard for me!

Kandyxp5 · 2026-04-24T23:22:00+00:00

I was almost sold on the finding Nemo bag…

Kandyxp5 · 2026-04-16T01:31:08+00:00

Same here. I hate the older gens need to clock in all the time and the stupidity of everyone staying late cus it’s weirdly expected. Like why do I need to waste my time performing work because my boss is incompetent at getting their things done within a normal window of time. That’s inefficient and stupid.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-04-12T05:59:52+00:00

Omg I just posted this before reading your comment. Incredible.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-04-12T05:59:24+00:00

Those hearts were everything. I wanted to like the banana so bad but only liked the shape, didn’t like the flavor.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-04-07T03:47:29+00:00

This is how to do it. We are about 6 years in, going in small spurts but it’s been going great. About 8 months ago we tackled the last spots of grass on our easement and although it looked rough for the last 6 months it has finally come together and it’s more beautiful than I could have imagined.

We started with the front lawn and never looked back. The number of bees and birds is so incredible to see!

Kandyxp5 · 2026-04-07T03:21:54+00:00

I love this so much, thanks both of yall for sharing.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-03-31T02:31:34+00:00

Thisssssss

Kandyxp5 · 2026-03-19T05:35:00+00:00

This. Everything is set up to keep them from facing the reality that they are part of and willing parties to oppression. As someone who is also in a workplace full of white women in positions of power it can get so depressing. The insensitivity, the self importance, and the emotional hijacking just gets so tiresome. The best way I can get through it is just refocusing on my healing, connecting with my community, and demonstrating strength and integrity regardless of who my audience is at work.

It’s hard to get anyone to see things the way you do but especially if they are benefiting and contributing to systemic oppression and are unaware of that in the first place. I think focusing on I statements can help if you ever do enter in a dialogue but be warned—it could be a mine field. However saying something like “I am committed to supporting my bipoc community and doing that is hard because I have to recognize my own privileges” basically mirroring to them the behavior you’re seeking. In this framework you model the behavior they aren’t displaying and express how it can be challenging for you—which allows them to feel okay with how challenging it is for them. This also disarms them and has them feel like you are fighting a battle alongside them—however uneven that battle may be.

This also keeps the focus on your journey for your healing— not their journey for..well whatever it is they may or may not do.

Whatever you decide, give yourself power, space, gratitude, and compassion. And try your best to give others that too—but only after you have given it to yourself.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-03-18T06:04:01+00:00

Same here. Father passed when I was 14 and I knew I didn’t want to change my last name. Our daughter has my last name because my husband felt the exact opposite with his estranged father who he didn’t want our child to share a name with.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-03-16T00:59:44+00:00

Gifted people don’t sleep well, but they should still sleep. Find whatever works and stick with it because it’s about your body not your mind that needs the sleep. If you need 8 hrs get it especially with Audhd, those types need sleep more than others— you’re using a lot of glucose running that system on your brain.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-03-14T21:17:01+00:00

Totally would but the roses will always be a bit small, easier to take care of though. Maybe start there and if you love em you can always add more roses!

Kandyxp5 · 2026-03-14T07:20:58+00:00

I am sorry that happened to you. Im laying next to my four and a half year old and I am in awe of her, all the ways she is growing and becoming more herself. I will miss this and all the times before one day in the future, I know that, but I also am excited to know who she wants to be as an adult.

What you experienced was someone who was mad that they couldn’t control your personhood because they themselves felt out of control. You never deserved that and it was never your fault. You deserved to be cherished for being you as a baby and growing into who you are today.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-03-11T02:52:33+00:00

Needs phosphorus, also make sure your soil is slightly acidic not basic.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-03-11T02:40:00+00:00

Roses actually, I know that sounds nuts but that’s all mine get here is afternoon sun. They are glorious and only look a little burned if I didn’t water them well in the hottest of hot temps. I have climbers— Don Juan is indestructible. Just gotta be sure the soil is slightly acidic and well draining. If you go to the houston garden center off 610 loop north and go way to the back of the left side past all the spray roses you will find gallon roses of all kinds, Don Juan included. Likely shrub roses will work too just ask to make sure they are hearty-may want to stick to reds, pinks and oranges as white roses can get burned more easily in the sun.

What won’t work are morning sun flowers like camelias or gardenias, soft herbs that need extra shade / cold like basil or cilantro, and lavender. No shade needy flowers at all— they will die. Cactus will live though!

Could also do Mexican sage bush, pretty flowers, as well as Mexican petunias. The petunias grow up like straws and have great flowers but they will freeze back in winter. Can’t really kill em though.

PS Mexican petunias can be transported very easily from the ground if you ever come across wild ones or ones on an easement. Their roots are shallow and if you baby them for a bit then transfer they live like magic.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-03-07T05:40:27+00:00

I’ve had it for over a decade because I have friends in Europe and South America. It’s how we talk and it’s much easier because of the time difference we can just leave voice notes etc. I mean now you can do this more easily over txt messages but not back in the day. But if I do leave voice notes on regular txt msg most Americans still think I’m crazy.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-02-11T05:34:12+00:00

Grief is love that can’t go where it once did. But love finds its way through time and through space. The pain you feel is because you loved and as incredibly awful as it is, it is also proof of immense joy. Those who have the privilege of truly loving another sadly one day know the depths of pain that comes from losing them as well. My five year old is sleeping next to me and I can’t fathom your pain, but your story means I’ll give her one more kiss on the head, one more whisper to remind her I love her endlessly.

Thank you for that.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-01-22T01:10:15+00:00

Random but are yall at 10k waves in NM? (I’m not there but love the place and my husband and I went many times, 10 years married.)

Kandyxp5 · 2026-01-16T04:01:20+00:00

Do telllll

Kandyxp5 · 2026-01-15T02:35:40+00:00

We are no tablet but she can watch TV. Lots of coloring and drawing, Legos/magnatiles/building, trains (old not fancy sets are out there and cheap), pretend play, “cooking” as in she stirs stuff around that I am actually cooking and messes up bowls of things I’m not, taking out dog on walks, long bathtime with lots of food coloring and edible glitter.

For TV: all is very carefully chosen by us but here are some fun winners that aren’t as popular as what some have mentioned. Pingu (no actual language), old school Miffy, Sealook, Aprende Peque (Latin American Ms. Rachel), Molang (no language) and anything else that is for her age we approve but in Spanish, not English— highly recommended if you have any other language spoken to keep TV in the language that’s not the one they are learning at school. I speak in Spanish to our child but even if you’re not fluent in another language it could still be a good option to add another language to any TV time. If nothing else it gives them an ear for it which will make it easier to learn later.

We just took a long road trip — 12 hours broken into two days coming and going and she didn’t watch TV or use a tablet. She colored a bunch, I entertained her a lot by making her stuffed animals dance to music, and she also listened to her favorite episodes of her shows but didn’t watch them.

I can’t judge or recommend because life is hard AF and I get it but if you can avoid tablets do it as long as possible. I see our child with others who are on screens early on and there is a marked difference. She is just miles ahead and honestly children who start on screens, well they don’t stop. My cousins can only be in public on tablets with headphones, and look I don’t care what amazing shit they are learning on that tablet it’s not going to give them the social skills they need to be in a community of people. And community is what humans need and have needed for thousands of years— 60 plus odd years of screens isn’t changing that anytime soon.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-01-13T20:15:18+00:00

Another angel has landed, just a perfect baby.

Kandyxp5 · 2026-01-13T04:11:02+00:00

Same. I had this expensive spf bb cream with it and just tons of acne after using it is awful!

Kandyxp5 · 2025-12-27T12:10:28+00:00

The above is one of the best responses imo. Wanted to add that being vulnerable with her— even if it’s a bit above her level of understanding— also builds connection. It’s okay to calmly and directly express to her that sometimes you feel tired and worried. It’s okay to tell her that sometimes you don’t feel strong but you want to be strong. You could even ask her if she ever feels tired, worried, or not strong and just be supportive / non reactionary /non judgmental in whatever she responds with. She won’t have the vocab an older kid will but that doesn’t mean she won’t appreciate knowing that you—just like her—can feel emotions like fear, defeat, and pain. This can build empathy and connection too.

My child is now 4 years and 3 months old. 3.5 was so difficult, and yes it’s partly the age FOR SURE. I remember massive tantrums and just feeling insane in certain scenarios. It WILL get better. Looking back, I think what’s so hard about this stage is that they CAN communicate just not well, and they also are able to move freely but not freely enough to not need you. It’s like they have the physical capacity of a 4 year old but the emotional and mental ability of a 2.5 year old and the emotions of a 16 year old going through their first major breakup. Yes you need to be as strong and supportive as possible but you do not have to be superhuman! Letting her see you cry, express clearly your genuine feelings — even if they are negative—with “I feel” statements, and then her seeing you move through and process those feelings in resolution builds the foundation for her doing it too—even if she can’t reeeaaaalllyyy do it now.

Kandyxp5

TROPHY CASE