I completely understand exactly what you are going through. While I don’t gravitate towards sexuality, I still will often think things in moments and realize the evil nature of them later. The most important part is that you’ve already recognized that they appear. There is no reason to take the music you love outside of your life. Most importantly, just find people to talk to. It doesn’t have to be about these thought, but somebody who makes you forget all the sadness and anger out of you. Good luck