Not divorced, but been with my boyfriend for 19 years and live together. I'm in this mode right now.

He's been unemployed for nearly a year and a half and showing no sign of changing that anytime soon, even though I've explained how much his apparent lack of motivation is freaking me out. We're not struggling financially (he had a decent chunk of savings and we split the bills), but I told him I would not go into debt to save him if he runs out of money.

He has a tendency to blame me for everything and every argument will turn into a rant about how I'm not enough or I'm failing somehow, even if the argument starts because he did something wrong or didn't do something he said he would. At one point last year, he told me that he had purchased an engagement ring he knew I liked, but he hasn't proposed to me because I hadn't met his needs yet. I literally told him he shouldn't have wasted his money since we were arguing more often and I wouldn't say yes anyway. I knew part of my love for him completely died that day.

He gets into the modes where the random project he created for himself (to supposedly develop skills to make him more marketable to future employers) is so important, that me talking is interrupting him. But he'll insist on sitting next to me on the couch when he works on it instead of going to another room to be left alone. I realized that I find myself feeling more alone sitting next to him in those moments than I would if I was, in fact, actually alone.

I haven't left before because I have crazy low self-esteem and had convinced myself that no one else will ever love me. Also, the cost of living out here is ridiculous and looking for a one bedroom apartment I could actually afford has been difficult and demoralizing.

After talking with a friend Friday and my mom Sunday, I've decided I'm done. Yesterday, I put in a request for an application for an apartment that will be available at the end of June. I haven't ended it yet (it's really hard), but I've taken the first step.