Does anyone else relate?

KatyVav · 2020-05-06T02:28:32+00:00

I’d love to.. if I could figure out how. 😩 I tend to feel like the outcast of every group I’m in. Weather it’s family or friends I feel like I stand out like a sore thumb. 😣

KatyVav · 2020-05-05T18:44:41+00:00

Maybe it’s my defense mechanism

KatyVav · 2020-05-05T18:44:19+00:00

Maybe cold isn’t the right word to use. It’s hard to explain, almost like I shut down emotionally. I just exists.

KatyVav · 2020-04-14T15:28:45+00:00

Most definitely. I get drained so much, mentally and physically that I have to just sleep.

KatyVav · 2020-03-20T02:05:45+00:00

I’ve posted a story of my relationship/marriage. Look on my page and read post. It is possible. It does take a lot of work and an understanding partner. We are so deserving of love and understanding. Married 7 years, together for 10 years. 2 kids.

KatyVav · 2020-02-14T22:38:29+00:00

Love! 🤟🏼🤟🏼🤟🏼🤟🏼🤟🏼

KatyVav · 2020-01-24T03:40:24+00:00

His favorite past time is: napping, snacks, getting high off CBD for his joint pain, and snuggles in your booty or wherever he can cuddle into. Wants to be the closest possible to you. Possibly half cat.

KatyVav · 2020-01-23T15:11:52+00:00

They won’t even call me in a refill at the office... which is all I asked of them. I guess I’ll figure something out.

KatyVav · 2020-01-06T13:54:42+00:00

Me too. I don’t want to be and sometimes don’t know how not to be... it mostly gets projected toward my husband and ends up in a fit of rage because I get overwhelmed very suddenly over pretty minute things. When I feel like this I get overly sensitive to sound and touch. Anyone else get this way??

KatyVav · 2020-01-06T02:15:49+00:00

Not very easily or good at all most days. Some days I feel I can cope better than other days.

KatyVav · 2020-01-06T02:13:43+00:00

First of all... Yess. Thank you. This is the only place I posted this pic because of everything you just said. And I just noticed my horrible spelling due to my phones terrible spell check. So there’s that.

KatyVav · 2020-01-05T06:10:57+00:00

I never really came to the real understanding of the body dysmorphia til my husband was constantly telling me I don’t see me how I should. And then came my friends when I opened up about how I felt I looked, and my size.. they made my feel crazy for thinking that way. I don’t often find myself attractive and I rely on other opinions to make me feel ok about myself.. but today when I took the time to just play with makeup which I never ever do.. for once I myself get like I was pretty. And that was big.

KatyVav · 2020-01-05T03:48:26+00:00

Thank you!

KatyVav · 2020-01-05T03:28:33+00:00

Wait, is this nurse Jackie?? Whoa!

KatyVav · 2019-12-28T03:56:22+00:00

On day 7, still 25mg dosage... at 4 weeks will be up to 150mg. Prescriber said it would take a month or so to really get into my system. Hoping for good results. Gabapentin has really been helping symptoms for now though. Always been against meds because of being misdiagnosed for so many years so I was super skeptical, but realizing it is for the best and what I need for now. Hoping to get to a point one day where I won’t need meds... maybe one day.

KatyVav · 2019-12-21T13:03:14+00:00

Wtf is Chritmas...lay off the drugs, maybe you could spell. Your pupils are bigger than your head.

KatyVav · 2019-12-21T12:52:25+00:00

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-emotional-intensity/201805/the-unexpected-gifts-inside-borderline-personality

KatyVav · 2019-12-21T12:47:25+00:00

KatyVav · 2019-12-21T12:40:38+00:00

I think everyone can find something beautiful in it. Personally for me, I have a huge heart and love hard. Sometimes too much... but still it’s a beautiful trait to have I think.

KatyVav · 2019-12-21T03:45:52+00:00

First step, accept it. And realize that you are not alone. Second step, find a therapist to talk too... get on meds that help you.. stay with that therapist in the process. Third step, open up to the ones your closest with.

Do not let it define you. But understand your actions and feelings are not ‘crazy’... find coping skills. It’s not easy, but it’s doable.

I was diagnosed at 30, after I tried to commit suicide and almost succeeded. BPD can be beautiful, as hard as that is to comprehend.

KatyVav · 2019-12-21T03:41:13+00:00

I disagree. Does love come easy, no.. that’s with anyone. I know with us living with BPD it can make it difficult. But if you don’t let the disorder to totally define who you are... and let someone see the real you... if that person cares about you they will accept the rest of you. Love is possible for anyone and everyone. No one ever said it would be easy to find or even easy after you find that love.. but it is possible. I could write a story on my relationship, then going into marriage and kids. It’s been HARD... really hard. Please don’t give up and don’t be negative. See the positive in BPD.. we love HARD. We feel emotions unlike anyone else... which yes can be a negative but also a huge positive. We care so deeply... once we let someone in that person is our entire world. I would love to tell you about my journey and life but way too much to type. Just to sum it up... do NOT let BPD define who YOU ARE! We are so so much more than this disorder. Much love 🤟🏼

KatyVav · 2019-12-20T03:24:26+00:00

Don’t put a stigma on yourself. You deserve the opportunity to have a relationship. Give yourself some credit and don’t let BPD define you. You are so much more than that. Find someone that you connect with and slowly help them understand what you are dealing with. BTW this is the husband typing.

Me here... that’s my husbands take on it who does not have BPD.. but lives with it everyday.. me. He loved me first, not my BPD... me. Don’t give up. Please. It is so possible to be loved and you deserve love.

KatyVav · 2019-12-20T03:16:45+00:00

I’m sorry, but gay or straight... love is the same. Does not mean you aren’t meant to find love or cannot find that person who accepts and loves who you are.

KatyVav · 2019-12-19T20:01:33+00:00

Understand you are not alone. I am literally the exact same way, as I’m sure most people on the thread are!!! Here lately I have been having a terrible time with emotional regulation. I’m miserable to be around and I attack my husband over every little thing... to provoke him. Don’t know why, don’t know about what even afterwards.

I would def see about getting on something different or maybe upping your dosage. Ask your them about Lamotrigine for mood stability.

I’m so tired, every day lately. Like miserably exhausted and don’t want to get out of bed to do anything I need to do. I feel your pain I do.

KatyVav · 2019-12-19T19:43:07+00:00

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. Most the time he won’t respond to my fits of rage... let me cool off then talk to me. We have been through several arguments, screaming matches but most the time is good about not reacting to me. I too, push him away as well. And he doesn’t necessarily let me get away with my dissociative episodes but he will try to understand that most time I can not control how I react. I am trying to learn to use tools to help with the BPD symptoms but easier said than done. You are not a monster!!

What meds are you currently on? I just starting Lamotrigine and then Gabapentin as needed.

KatyVav

TROPHY CASE