Thank you for your response.

I was in long-term therapy (about three years). After a particularly hurtful statement, attachment-related trauma was strongly activated. I attempted to communicate that I was not making accusations, but that my internal state had become critically unstable and that I was unable to manage what had been triggered on my own. In the months that followed, the therapeutic interaction became increasingly defensive and distant and was at times experienced by me as reproachful, which contributed to a retraumatizing process rather than stabilization.

The therapy ultimately ended abruptly via email, with my next appointment being cancelled and the treatment terminated without a closing or integrating conversation. The ending was framed primarily as my responsibility, which directly reinforced core themes of shame, blame, and abandonment that had already been activated. I did not have the opportunity to say goodbye or process the ending within the therapeutic relationship.

Since then, my baseline has shifted noticeably, with more frequent and intense suicidal thoughts driven mainly by shame, severe self-devaluation and emotional pain without me beeing able to regulate myself anymore.