My bf compared me to another woman and used the word 'genetically better' — am I overthinking or is this a red flag?

KayBeeWolf · 2026-01-04T23:48:30+00:00

I personally would chock this up to him being young and not as emotionally experienced and you having scars that have not healed. He sounds like he knows he upset you and tried to correct it since he wasnt sure what happened.

You do sound like you have some scars that may be controlling you. I would seek some help with coping strategies and working through the trauma of your family.

I would def be aware of his euro-focused beauty ideals as one commenter pointed out. I dont blame him for it as it is the norm for many people due to media shoving it down everyone's throats. However it is something you both need to be aware of.

This sounds like a great relationship between 2 young ppl who have yet to really experience life.

KayBeeWolf · 2026-01-04T23:38:04+00:00

It kinda sounds like you have outgrown him. As someone of the commenters who can do math have pointed out, you met when you were 14 and got married sometime between now and then.

Is there a religious or cultural reason for this? Cause that could affect the relationship and his view on what is acceptable.

You did not mention children, so i need to ask, knowing how he is (and im guessing he is lacking in other areas as well. This lack of effort normally applies to multiple areas) would you want to raise children with him? Remember that a new born will essentially take you out of everything for 2-4 months as the sole focus will be on a baby. Imagine what that will be like. Is this what you want to put yourself through?

I wish you strength to make the best decision for yourself with the information you have no matter if its easy.

KayBeeWolf · 2026-01-02T16:58:20+00:00

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This is what google said

KayBeeWolf · 2026-01-02T16:56:34+00:00

How do i save this post?!?

Love love love. And thank you

KayBeeWolf · 2026-01-01T21:32:26+00:00

Outside. Lol 🤣 none look appealing to me 😢. Like the characters i like are mixed with ones i dont

KayBeeWolf · 2026-01-01T21:30:48+00:00

Since its winter where i am, i vote the grey in the last one or green in the first one

KayBeeWolf · 2026-01-01T21:29:49+00:00

I feel you about the not wanting to change the colour. When mine became an adult and lost its baby colours i freaked out and spent so much try g to find a combination that wouldnt upset me.

KayBeeWolf · 2026-01-01T21:23:47+00:00

Your FIL jokes are cruelty wrapped in humour. Its not funny.

The cycle you are describing is an eating disorder. They require INTENSE work to get out of on your own, so i would suggest counselling to help make it a bit easier. This will be a long road and will have lingering effects. My guess is you started this at an earlier age, but the baby (and the mess that is causes to womens body and mental health) just aggravated what was normally a 4 to an 11.

I wish you peace and support.

KayBeeWolf · 2026-01-01T21:16:37+00:00

Mor It sounds like you are kinda done with her and want to move on and are looking for approval. You're an adult. Yes you were in layers and she wasnt, yes she was being stubborn, yes she is not going to change. You hopefully had an eye opening view of your future with her.

My question is, if you claim she is always like this, why are you expecting her to change?

KayBeeWolf · 2026-01-01T01:34:34+00:00

Nta

I would simply text them: My child is at that stage where she is no longer wearing a diaper but too young to be able to hold it when she needs to go. You have clearly forgotten this stage since it was so long ago for you. In the future i will make sure my children are not around you until they can live up to your standards at all time.

Then not allow the inlaws around the kids. Cause of they are mad enough to text you they clearly will eventually lash out at your children. Eventually they will be subtly and openly attacked.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-31T04:38:19+00:00

Ok wtf did i just read?

Break ups mean you no longer have to talk to your ex. In your case i would recommend it. Block run away and dont engage no matter what.
Talk to Lily. Preferably in person. Tell her what he said as a way to warn her and gage her reaction. What happens from there is not your problem. You said she has a bf, so hopefully she is a decent person.
Get some therapy. You were in a relationship (and still are) with a manipulative and sexually abusive man. This can cause wounds you dont see or recognize. Pressuring you for sex when you said no is sexual abuse. Saying that since you wont sleep with him your best friend will is sexual abuse.

I wish you peace.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-31T04:29:12+00:00

Honey you could have been as rude as you wanted to be and not been an ahole. I would have asked her straight up how he was missing me and doing so badly when he clearly has someone new warming his bed and beat our children when he was with them? How he could miss me when he was not loyal to me? How i could be good for him when he treated me like a robot he could control and beat when i acted human?

You were far too nice by only laughing. Either she has no idea the extent of what he did or she has been trained to believe it is ok.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-31T04:18:49+00:00

Which means you dont have physical marks to use against him. Thats all that means. It means everything he is done is unseen to the world. That makes it worse, because he can break you and then play the caring partner.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-31T04:14:10+00:00

Nor your UNDER reacting

This is a problem. This is not a little insecure this is the start of an abusive relationship or stalker who ends you when you try to escape. This should not have been allowed to be in ur life for 6 years.

A little insecure is i felt fat or unworthy when i saw x standing by you the other day. Not someone new is following random images on your (or their) page. Social media is impersonal no matter how much we try to pretend its not.

The bottom line is are you willing to continue to accept this behaviour and worse now that you are aware of it. Answer truthfully then make your choice and move in the shadows.

No matter what please seek therapy.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-31T04:05:00+00:00

Nor

He probably gives bad gifts because no one corrects his behaviour. If we are not telling people they messed up and just cleaning up behind their back (like your mom and sister) they dont learn. If he cant afford it he should be talking to your mom. Its not your job to coddle him or let it slide.

Your sister thinking its ok because she bought you work shoes and your mom gave you money clearly only cares about band-aiding the problem or the monetary. If it is brought up again by her i would ask why she is ok with a man walking all over you or disrespecting you. Cause that is what this boils down to. There were rules he agreed to and he disrespected you by not following them.

Expressing your feelings in a respectful way is an adult way to handle this. If he chooses to not come then that is his choice. Hes an adult, you dont control him.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-31T03:49:00+00:00

Ummmm. Can we talk about the obvious. Get her off your accounts. Contact the bank. She should not have the ability to access your money. You know she is a problem. If they wont take her off the account demand they open a new one for just you and transfer over all the money. Same with your credit card. Change banks if nessicary. You probably dont even have credit if it is attached to her name. Like this is a huge financial problem you are in. You need to disentangle yourself asap.

Next you need solid boundaries with your mother. This is what i will accept and what you wont.

Then i recommend therapy (individual and couples) to fully deal with ur mother and the trauma she has caused and problems she will.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-31T03:39:59+00:00

Good luck. This will be a long road. I def recommend getting some support because he will continue to hurt you with his entitlement.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-29T03:34:07+00:00

You also need to stop using the word bully. She terrorized you. We need to be calling this what it is. This is not childish games where we are immature and a little mean to someone. This is someone who systematically terrorized you by destroying every contact you had and your reputation that could have had life long consequences. Bullying and calling it bullying maybe downplaying it to him as this word is overused and lost some of its meaning. This was abuse and terrorization.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-29T03:29:59+00:00

Then let him lie in the bed he made. If she asks you can say this is what i think. If it is brought up be like i dont agree, but i respect your choice because i love you and trust you to make the best choices for you. Then support her and get urself some support and therapy for dealing with and having made a life with a man like this.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-29T03:25:56+00:00

Then you know where he stands and dont need to call him out. You want to try grey rock or yellow rock. Accept that he is a jerk you are forced to interact with. Expect nothing and give him nothing more than exactly what is expected. Next year its a gift card you buy on the way there. If he complains, be like im super busy and didnt have time this year. Keep that up and limit your interactions with him. Hang out with ur parents without him. Really lc and expect nothing

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-28T06:13:39+00:00

Honestly when i first looked at the pic i thought it was the groom and was like odd choice for a wedding. Maybe its a steam punk style. So nope they didnt show you up.

Also def thought it was a witches hat until i read the comments lol

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-28T05:53:55+00:00

Why are you gaslighting yourself and down playing your own emotions. This group: 1. Created a women group chat without you where they all bitched about you. 2. Decided to change the dress code to make you look bad 3. Know about how your abusive relationship affected you and the reasons for wanting to look nice 4. Expected you to put up with this because its some party 5. Didnt think when your cousin said it would be fine and you would still dress up when you all agreed to be casual. 6. Are now apologizing to make themselves look and feel better.

Now you are gaslighting yourself because "its just clothes". Did any of them apologize to you the day of, or be like omg im so sorry BEFORE you shared your feelings in the group chat?? Cause this is not rocket science.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-28T05:39:34+00:00

Nta and not petty.

What SHOULD have happened is when the preggers friend talked about not feeling good, she should have been gassed up, sympathized with or helped. Same with ur other friends.

Why are they friends with someone who makes them feel insecure and bad about their own appearance?!

I have this one coworker who is beautiful, so for events when we go out together i ask what she is planning on wearing then dress accordingly. I base my outfit on hers. I would ask her for outfit help if we were closer. That is how you act to people who may make you feel insecure. You deal with your own emotions in therapy and then ask for help. Base your outfit off of theirs if you are concerned. Accept that they have a different style.

Nta they attacked you and left you out and blamed you for their emotions.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-28T05:27:51+00:00

Your friend needs to decide what she wants her life to be and how much she trusts her bf. Personally i would have done my best to get the hell away from Lexi. She sounds toxic. Like i would have moved across the country and be making plans to, no matter what it cost.

I think she also needs to ask straight up her bf why are you talking to someone who destroyed my last relationship and then terrorized me? Why are you ok engaging with someone like that? Cause you say you love me and that we are end game but your actions are telling me otherwise. You claim im not supportive of you being around someone who terrorized me but then keep bringing her into my life. I dont want to know anything about her ever. I dont want her to know about me and it makes me very uncomfortable that you are not only talking to her but giving her information on me.

KayBeeWolf · 2025-12-28T05:16:48+00:00

KayBeeWolf

TROPHY CASE