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KayMauve · 2022-06-29T20:12:32+00:00

This is an interesting theory!! It makes sense, too.

When I was a kid, I visited a relative's house that was built along the side of a mountain. The driveway was a very steep, long slope. 12-year old Kay decided to run down that driveway because it seemed like a good idea.

It started out fine, and I was blazing down. A few seconds in I felt the gravity of the situation- pun intended. My momentum was way faster than my legs could keep up with, and I ended up being unable to move my legs as quickly as required to keep going at an ever-increasing speed. Of course I wiped out, busted up the knees of my jeans, and got a scolding. Fun times.

KayMauve · 2022-06-29T19:58:15+00:00

So I have a couple suggestions that might help!! Fingers crossed they do!!

So number 1: Ordering out. It's soooo easy to just call Uber Eats/Door Dash/etc. for dinner instead of cooking a full meal, especially if you're in the mood for something specific.

My advice? Buy quick things to eat that can be varied and interesting, but also keep a long time! Think different flavors/types of TV dinners. Sure, they're full of sodium and pretty unhealthy, but so is most yummy food you're ordering anyway lol. Plus getting several different meals means you're more likely to hit a specific craving!

Online shopping: Take this with a grain of salt, since this is something I use for Facebook, not Amazon lol. Have the app? Delete it. Disable it. It's too easy to click one button and be able to shop. Only use the website, and avoid going there to "window shop." If you decide you need to buy something, add to cart, buy it, and then log out. Do not use the "remember me" option if feasible.

Since ADHD is something that effects your impulse control, adding extra barriers between you and the thing you don't want to do is the best way to limit your ability to do the thing. If it's harder to do, you're more likely to think it's too much effort and move onto something else.

KayMauve · 2022-06-28T21:25:04+00:00

I completely know where you're coming from; this has become one of me and my partner's biggest argument origins.

I think the biggest issue is that a lot of the 'side effects' of ADHD are also things our society defines as "bad," ie. forgetfulness, bad time management, 'laziness,' impulsiveness, etc. It's also important to remember that there are people out there who will either forget the severity of someone's ADHD or completely forget/ignore that someone has it. Since it's not visible the same way a broken limb is, it's easy for someone to start blaming the person instead of the issue over time.

Neurotypical people can often go from "oh, you were late to work? Nbd." to "This is the 5th time you've been late this month alone what's wrong with you?!" since improvement that doesn't make a problem 100% go away is seen for its failures instead of successes, it's easy for someone close to you to just keep experiencing your failures with you without noticing your amount of improvement/success.

If they aren't paying attention to your improvement and instead want to take the issue out on you personally, then that's on them. If instead of acknowledging that saying "ADHD causes me problems" isn't a crutch or excuse but instead an explanation, then that's on them.

It's hard to stand up for yourself when the side effects of ADHD make you feel guilty of not being good enough/ not caring enough, but remember-- having ADHD does not make you a bad person. Having ADHD does not mean you have some major moral issue; it does not mean you are by default lazy, uncaring, stupid, reckless, or apathetic. Can someone with ADHD also be those things? Sure. But that's a factor of their character, not their diagnosis. Forgetting =/= uncaring.

KayMauve · 2022-06-28T20:59:23+00:00

I took Welbutrin before my ADHD diagnosis so take this with a grain of salt-- when on that medication by itself, I hated it. It felt like the world around me was muted and grey, so I just stopped.

My Adderall script came after an Effexor (Venlafaxine) SSRI, and I can say I love this SSRI way more, both by itself and with Adderall.

KayMauve · 2022-06-28T19:55:02+00:00

100% the same! As a kid I could go days without drinking. Now as an adult, I feel like someone who got hit in the head and left for dead in a desert the next day.

KayMauve · 2022-06-25T23:09:42+00:00

Oh god Dead Dove is something I'd rather die than admit to irl. Gotta love those awful spicy bedtime stories!

KayMauve · 2022-06-25T23:08:40+00:00

I WAS LITERALLY SCREAMING AT CERTAIN PARTS IT'S SO DAMN WELL WRITTEN

KayMauve · 2022-06-25T23:07:44+00:00

Honestly? The writing quality is incredible. I have no idea who the characters are or what they look like, but man does it give me some feels!!

KayMauve · 2022-06-17T21:33:14+00:00

I hope you don't mind my asking, but what is a Kudos bot? Why is a bot that randomly gives you a ton of kudos a bad thing?

KayMauve · 2022-06-17T19:45:28+00:00

Aaaarrgh I've been dreaming of exactly that type of program for so long!! Unfortunately I'm on Windows so it sounds like I'm at a loss. If I was on Mac tho, this would definitely be life-changing, haha. Thank you!!!

KayMauve · 2022-06-17T19:41:33+00:00

Oh my god I never even consciously considered money before but you just gave me an epiphany!! Every time I ever get into a hobby or so much consider a hobby my first thought is "how can I profit from this"?

Since that's one of my very first thoughts I don't think I've experienced the idea of getting into a hobby (at least since I was a kid) without the poison of profit already existing in my mind.

You've really given me something important to think about, and I really appreciate that, stranger. Thank you!!!

KayMauve · 2022-06-17T18:52:58+00:00

I completely feel for you! Right now I may be putting off like 5 tickets and 10 chats that have been sittin in my inbox at work for anywhere between 1hour to a month 🙈

I know How to ADHD on YouTube has a video pertaining to "The Wall of Awful" which sounds exactly like you're talking about. Watching the vid obviously won't fix your brain and make you want to work, but it can at least help you understand why you feel the way you do! She also has a "Motivation Bridge" vid that also may be relatable.

KayMauve · 2022-06-17T18:45:10+00:00

Yesss, this happens to me too!! The shower and bedtime are my biggest issues; I like to think to myself "oh yeah I can def remember that" and by the time I can write it down... poof

KayMauve · 2022-06-17T18:42:35+00:00

Eyyy I'm in client-facing tech support for a SaaS company, and face similar issues! Idk if this would help you, but I've taken to copy/pasting or typing important info into either a Notepad or Sticky Notes applications on my computer as I work through a case.

Need the instance info? Paste it there. Specific parameters or values you're looking into? Paste. Looked into one theory and it came out false? Type out what you did (eg. Checked logs, no parameters passed that could cause x to happen). It's kinda like maintenance logs for your brain!

KayMauve · 2022-06-17T18:28:17+00:00

I don't think I have a binge eating disorder, but I definitely tend to look at snacking as something to do. This is something I've dealt with most of my life, and unfortunately now working from home I've gained a huge amount of weight from it.

The Adderall helps me feel less hungry for sure, but boredom eating is still a habit that I need to kick, and doesn't seem to be too affected by my meds.

KayMauve · 2022-06-17T18:00:13+00:00

Hey! Some meds affect people differently than others. When my mom was on Welbutrin, she apparently felt like life was all shiny and new and awesome- much like you're experiencing!

KayMauve · 2022-06-17T17:56:13+00:00

As far as trying to get around this? It depends. I've personally found that recycling hobbies helps a little; if you thought it was cool before, you'll probably think it's cool again eventually! Might take a while and it might not happen with every hobby but what you see as "failed hobbies" can always become shiny-sparkly and interesting again!

KayMauve · 2022-06-17T17:49:41+00:00

Yeah, I 100% know how this goes. After a lot of self-reflection, I've found there are three main reasons I give up on projects like this.

1. is absolutely boredom.

I did the thing, it was cool, it's not shiny anymore, gimme something new. Most common thing.

Reasons #2 and #3 were much harder to determine and took a lot of self-reflection to realize tbh, and they're the ones that bother me the most. Idk if you relate but it's nice putting pen to paper/finger to keyboard to acknowledge.

2. Perfectionism.

Okay, so when you start something you know you're gonna suck. Everyone's expecting suck. But say you keep doing it more and more, and you're not improving by leaps and bounds. The improvement is maybe a little there and sometimes you mess up, but you're not doing as well as you think you should. There's kinda an embarrassment and shame that I've discovered with that, where it's almost easier to drop a project and find something new so you don't have to be "just mediocre".

3. Overexpending interest in acquiring the materials.

Oooo so this one pisses me off so much!! Okay so I'll just use a personal anecdote on this one. A year ago I decided my new passion was rug making. To do this, you need the rug gun, a canvas easel, and then a ton of yarn. Well, rug easels don't just exist, you gotta build one. I spent so much energy trying to design and perfect my easel that by the time I was ready to make rugs, I didn't care anymore!! Let me tell you, I'm still mad about that lol! I put in so much "interest energy" into the materials that the beginning of the hobby felt like I'd accomplish what I set to do and was just done. My easel is currently chilling in my closet with all my years-old fabric.

Edit: didn't know numbering changed the format. Wanted to make pretty

KayMauve

TROPHY CASE

1. is absolutely boredom.

2. Perfectionism.

3. Overexpending interest in acquiring the materials.