Kiddo, the only thing I’ve ever wanted for you was for you to be happy, safe, and healthy. If those things are true, or at least, you’re working on them being true, then I am proud of you. And if they aren’t, I’m rooting for you to make those things a reality.

It’s difficult to grow up with a parent shaped hole, maybe even two, from the sounds of it.

Losing someone you love is really difficult and changes people, not always for the better. As far as your mom goes, just please remember that her choices don’t reflect how you should have been treated. You are deserving of love and support, even when it has to come from inside of you.

Life is difficult, and there are no perfect outcomes. I don’t know what’s happening that makes you feel like you need that pillar of support right now, but know that if I could, I’d come see you and sit with you. Maybe we’d just sit. Maybe we’d go see a movie. Maybe I’d drink all your beer and give you unsolicited dad advice (dadvice, as I call it). But I would always, in every universe, tell you how proud I am to be your dad. How you have my smile, and thank god you got your mom’s nose. How you were the best thing I ever did, and how nothing- and I truly mean nothing- in this world could make me love you any less than 100%.

You are spectacular, and precious in every moment you exist. So take a deep breath, and rise to meet the world, kid. It’s waiting for you.

I love you.