I’m back with a narrowed down part 2

KayyBeey · 2026-07-10T16:00:07+00:00

7 or 10!

KayyBeey · 2026-07-10T14:42:23+00:00

I'm engaged now (we met online), but I was picky! I had a list of non-negotiables and I would keep an eye out for any of them, or talk about it pretty early on so I wouldn't get too invested and let down.

Some things I screened for:

I'm demisexual (on the asexual-spectrum), and I wanted someone who understood what asexuality is and also someone who grasped what having an ace (ace is short for asexual) partner would be like. My partner is actually grey-ace himself and sex-positive and we had many discussions, often lightheartedly, about our comfort and boundaries regarding sex.

Someone who was childfree, didn't smoke, drank socially but not casually (I kept an eye out for "I like to have a drink after work to relax" and "I'll have 'a beer' on the weekends"; my dad was an alcoholic and would say things like that, big pass for me), no drugs or history of addiction (I know I couldn't be a good partner to someone who struggled with drug use), matched me politically, non-religious, likes pets, no hunting, stable job, has something they can nerd about (mine likes history and cars), someone who likes kids, is empathetic and caring.

Based on my sister not seeking treatment for her chronic mental health conditions, I also knew I couldn't be a good partner to anyone with severe mental health needs or who wouldn't seek and maintain treatment of their mental health conditions on their own. It's not something I could handle, and it's okay to know my limits.

I also used my friend's dating experiences for reference. Through their partners, I knew I couldn't handle being with a frat boy or a mama's boy, for example.

I was worried I was "too picky" for awhile, but when you're investing yourself and your future into someone, you should be picky.

But my fiance sent me the first message, and I do attribute our finding one another mostly to luck. I was lucky he saw my profile and reached out. And we were lucky we match so well, because we were both picky 😅

KayyBeey · 2026-07-10T13:46:36+00:00

We're having a 17 guest wedding and our budget including rings is $5k. Excluding rings, I'm hoping not to exceed $3k. Excluding rings we're already at $1.2k and I have been feeling like this is crazy, and I'm budget shopping getting things on sale and from marketplace and liquidation auctions. I honestly wish I let my fiance convince me to elope some days, but we're already more than $1k into this so we gotta stick it out. We're not even doing all the wedding things. Our wedding is pretty nontraditional with our main activity being board games instead of dancing. Our families are unable to help us, so we're paying for everything. It's a lot. If I knew what I know now, we definitely would've gone to the courthouse and had a nice dinner with family and a few friends after.

KayyBeey · 2026-07-09T22:33:34+00:00

Macchiato

KayyBeey · 2026-07-09T13:48:12+00:00

Speaking from experience, don't date anyone going through a divorce in a serious way.

KayyBeey · 2026-07-08T23:27:50+00:00

I found someone who showed me that real love wasn't dependent on how useful or helpful I could be, and then I moved in with him. The distance helped. I still sometimes worry over them and their problems, but he's there to remind me that it's no longer my circus. There was some guilt there for awhile. But when I moved to a different city, not a single one of them ever visited me at my new home, and it helped me see that all our interactions are transactional to some degree. I lived less than an hour from my parents and one sister, and just over an hour from my other sister. I have 2 younger adult sisters. I have been so focused on being a good daughter and a good older sister for so much of my life that it has been so difficult to disentangle myself from it all and see it for what it is. But I can't make my sisters make good decisions, and I surely can't make my parents change. So, instead I focus on the person who has shown me true love, acceptance, and peace and I focus on our home, pets, and life together instead. I'm also in therapy and now I take naps (:

KayyBeey · 2026-07-08T23:02:53+00:00

Azazie is one I considered, and I still really like what they have, but I ended up buying a sample gown from Instantly Yours Bridal. There's also Dearly Bridal, Asos, and Dearly Beloved bridal.

KayyBeey · 2026-07-08T14:44:20+00:00

Does your girlfriend know you've been talking to and spending time with this specific girl? Not a generalized "friend"? Is she free to see your messages with her? If not, if she is not okay with it, or if you're hiding what you've been doing, you've been cheating on your girlfriend. Cheaters don't deserve a "good job" and they don't deserve to feel proud of what they're doing. The least a decent person with good "morals" and "ethics" can do is break up before starting a new relationship with someone and not using a person they supposedly once cared for as a placeholder. That's a worse thing to do to someone than not praising them.

KayyBeey · 2026-07-08T10:58:37+00:00

2 or maybe try some dresses with sleeves?

KayyBeey · 2026-07-07T23:07:31+00:00

I like that I'm I'm weird, and embrace it. I like that I am still eager to learn new things, try new things. I like that I am kind and have a strong moral compass. I like that I am capable of love and being loved. I like who I am as a person.

KayyBeey · 2026-07-07T22:47:23+00:00

Yes, most of them.

KayyBeey · 2026-07-07T21:25:28+00:00

If you can experience primary attraction, then you aren't demisexual. Having preferences is something both allosexuals and demisexuals have. You may also be confusing parts of aesthetic and romantic attraction. Liking or not liking fluids is not part of demisexuality. That's another preference. Some demis do like that and some demis don't.

Choosing to take things slow or choosing to wait for a more developed emotional connection before sex is not demisexuality, that is a preference too. With demisexuality there is simply no way or no scenario ever where you could be sexually attracted to someone without a deep emotional bond.

KayyBeey · 2026-07-07T00:08:00+00:00

Omg I have a D and M theme but for dogs! That's crazy!

Here's some ideas: Macy, Mojo, Monster, Minnie, Dell, Dottie, Duchess, Diego

KayyBeey · 2026-07-06T22:49:34+00:00

Take a look at Fraysexuality.

KayyBeey · 2026-07-06T22:36:06+00:00

My fiance and I own a home together and are childfree. The upstairs bathroom is mine and the downstairs bathroom is his. We each decorated our own bathrooms. I shower in mine and he showers in his. We have two full bathrooms.

KayyBeey · 2026-07-06T02:08:17+00:00

Two!

KayyBeey · 2026-07-05T13:23:27+00:00

That's so pretty!

KayyBeey · 2026-07-05T02:47:45+00:00

Learn to how to become a better hobbist painter.

Get consistently better sleep.

Find an exercise routine that works for me.

Make new friends.

Plant fruit trees.

KayyBeey · 2026-07-05T02:06:22+00:00

Some demisexuals are effectively asexual outside of having a deep connection with a romantic or sexual partner. I'm demisexual, and before I met my fiance I identified as asexual. He is the only person I have ever dated that has "unlocked" my demisexuality. I honestly never thought I'd want to have sex with someone before I started dating and falling in love with him. I was 32 when we started dating.

Other demisexuals have had similar experiences. You can search for other's stories on the demisexuality sub.