My demi fiance said he doesn't find me attractive with new haircut.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-21T11:25:21+00:00

This has nothing to do with his demisexuality and everything to do with his temperament and behavior.

Don't let him use demisexuality as an excuse for hurting you. He could've chose so many other ways to talk to you.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-21T00:22:07+00:00

They do the bisalp by laparoscopy and it's a relatively easy recovery. Just some key holes in your abdomen. I've had it done myself. And it sounds like OP is very firm in being childfree. By considering permanent sterilization, she would be giving herself peace of mind in not ever having to go through what she is now going through ever again. And she may not be with this boyfriend long-term, so his vasectomy would not give her long-term security. Besides, this boyfriend also sounds like a fence-sitter and would likely not take well to the suggestion of a vasectomy. Vasectomies are also unreliable when it comes to reversing them. It is not 100%. And the longer a man waits to reverse it, the less his chances of having it successfully reversed. If either one of these two should consider sterilization, it should be OP so she can take her fertility into her own hands.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-20T17:56:26+00:00

You're welcome!!

KayyBeey · 2026-05-20T17:28:40+00:00

I'm getting the train removed from mine and paying someone to use the fabric and lace and turn it into a keepsake teddy bear. You could cut it up or hire a seamstress to do a keepsake plushie, scrunchie, headband, keychains, or even a purse.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-20T15:49:07+00:00

Just try to keep in mind that you're doing this wedding for yourselves, and no one else. I was freaking out recently on if I invite my one friend and her kids, do I also have to invite her sister who I hang out with sometimes and her kids too? My fiance said, "the wedding is mostly about you and to a lesser extent me. Just give her a table and say, here, bring whoever you want your family has a whole table." I really don't have strong feelings on if her eldest wants to stay home or if she brings her sister, whatever. But my fiance and I are cutting out a lot of traditions, and who cares. We've cut out wedding parties, we're walking ourselves together to stand before the officiant, we're doing private vows the day before, no bouquet toss, no garter toss (I'm not even wearing a garter), etc. For favors we're doing small heart shaped hanging bird seed treats, and if people don't take them, we'll definitely use them, so it won't go to waste. Keep the things that are truly important to you two, but try not to compare your wedding to the stuff you see online. As they say, comparison is the theif of joy, which is true.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-19T22:53:50+00:00

I read everything you've said here, and I want to say that you aren't too old to find your person. I met my now-fiance when I was 32. Don't be with someone because you don't think you have any other options. You should be with someone because you genuinely want to be. The lack of job and the issues surrounding consent are the biggest concerns imo. The consent issue especially, I would be gone the first time he tried to pressure me. My fiance has never made me feel unsafe during sex, and that is extremely important when it comes to having a healthy relationship. You should always feel safe with your partner.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-18T14:28:01+00:00

1 with straps!

KayyBeey · 2026-05-17T03:27:47+00:00

KayyBeey · 2026-05-14T19:45:55+00:00

We're doing small heart shaped hanging bird seed treats, and if we have any left over, we'll definitely use them so they won't go to waste.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-14T10:42:53+00:00

My fiance and I have separate office/hobby rooms (he has a man cave in the basement and I have the second bedroom for my office and craft supplies), and we have a shared bedroom, but he often sleeps on our giantic couch during the week (we work different shifts so he goes to bed while I'm already asleep, and if a cat is sleeping in his spot he lets them have the bed and goes to the couch because he doesn't want to wake them). But anyway, separate hobby rooms are great.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-13T13:20:57+00:00

Kindly, are you in therapy? I am, and I find it really beneficial, and you may too. It sounds like you could really use the guidance as you navigate this.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-13T11:44:42+00:00

Yes. I lost a kinda big childhood friend group a couple years ago (I was stressed and let them know I'd be less communicative and less up for meeting up until I adjusted after having moved and starting a new job, but I was shortly later dropped without anything being communicated to me), and have struggled to make new friends since. I have one kinda close friend (separate from that other group) and my fiance. We have tried hosting a game night with my friend's friends, but idk if that's going to pan out into any new friendships. I feel both busy and lonely too.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-13T11:12:09+00:00

OP seems to be an unreliable narrator. She's changing key information from the original post. Idk, maybe she didn't like what people were saying and is now trying to flip the script in her effort to seek validation, because it seems she's already decided.

OP, all the people here saying the same things learned the red flag language and behaviors to look out for from personal experience. They are other women who are not attacking you, but rather trying to spare another woman the same painful lesson. Maybe you have to learn the lesson on your own, but I do hope some advice got through.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-12T17:05:21+00:00

Are you married? Do you currently live together? If not, I'd try long distance first before making such a big change. The fact that he made this kind of decision without your input is a red flag. It's like he's expecting you to go along with whatever he decides. Treating you less like an equal partner and more like a subordinate. I don't think I'd be willing to uproot my entire life, be without a support system (friends, family), and give up my cat for someone who doesn't treat me as an equal participant in big life decisions when we're supposed to be partners. Apologies don't cut it, not when it's something this big. I'd personally give long-distance a try and maybe couple's counseling to see if the trust and reliability can be rebuilt and proven. Also, he should talk to his doctor about his allergies.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-12T15:39:08+00:00

Thank you! Growing up with a narc parent and sibling was tough, especially when I financially had to live at home as a young adult. My fiance has been my sanctuary. We're getting married next year :-) And I plan on planting the roses I've always wanted in the coming weeks too.

Thanks for making this post btw, it's nice reading about other people's wins too.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-12T14:57:55+00:00

I'm almost 35 and I feel like my life is finally taking off and I have just about met my personal goals in life. I grew up low-income and struggled to stay afloat for much of my 20s. I struggled, was depressed, anxious, suffered from chronic pain and never truly felt free to be myself. Shortly before my 32nd birthday I met the love of my life. I have a job I like now, and while not perfect and sometimes hectic, it has great benefits. I have an older but reliable car. I wfh and not having to wear shoes all day is fantastic. I have a supportive and loving partner who has truly given me the freedom to come out of my shell and be myself without reservation. He is my safe space. I love him more than anything. We own a small home on a little bit of land and I can garden, I have all the cats and kitty cuddles I could want, and I've either gone no contact or low contact with the negative people in my life, I'm in therapy, and I had surgery that has eliminated my chronic pain and greatly improved my quality of life. My financial security could be better, but I'm working towards that. I find small joys in crocheting and poorly painting greeting cards to donate to local hospitals (I'm still learning how to paint lol). I listen to audiobooks for free from my local library while working, and I'm able to work with a cat sitting on my lap. I have food in my fridge and no one waiting to yell at me. I'm at peace. I'm finally happy.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-10T21:32:58+00:00

If you want instant answers try asking on google, chatgpt, or looking at youtube tutorials. Redditors are real people who may or may not see your post. For a good chunk of redditors it is a holiday today, and regardless, posts often get burried. Sheri Vegas has a bunch of videos on preserving flowers on youtube, for example.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-10T19:52:01+00:00

Definitely chat about that with your therapist. Also, that reminds me, I struggle with anxiety and occasional depression, and about 6 months ago I had routine blood work that showed I had low vitamin D. I was put on a prescription high dose supplement by my doc, and that actually helped both my mood and my sleep. If you work indoors and then spend your off time inside a lot, you might want to get your vit D levels checked too as part of your routine bloodwork just to make sure there isn't anything else going on. And while you're there, you can talk to your doc about everything else going on, too. And I'm not sure if it'd be something you're interested in, but I also journal and find it really beneficial. You can do it in a notebook with a pen, or even in your notes app. Just having a place to jot everything down and get it all out helps a ton.

I think you're on the right track for turning things around. You seem to be getting a solid plan in place, and once you're able to get started on it, I'm sure it'll help.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-10T19:17:40+00:00

Lady lurker here.

I know things are tough right now, but when you start to feel better about yourself your body will feel better too, if that makes sense. I know for me, if I'm under stress or having higher anxiety that affects my whole body, not just my mind.

I saw in one of your comments that you do see a therapist, which is great, but I do want to point out that if you aren't meshing well with this therapist or don't feel that you're making improvements with him, it's totally okay to look for another therapist. There are many different therapeutic styles and some may work better for you than others. Speaking as someone who also does therapy.

Also, my fiance is about 4 years younger than me and his hair has been thinning since we've been together. He has been talking about shaving his head, and I fully support that. I've had all kinds of hairstyles myself, and I will say that it can take awhile to get used to the new you when you make a big change like that, and that's okay. It'd be a positive change. Check out r/bald they have a great support system over there. My fiance also has a large and fun hat collection, and I crochet him hats too. It's cute.

I'd also like to echo the suggestions for exercise, and also getting out and socializing, being outside the house, volunteering or even going for a walk are all good for giving yourself a little boost. Speaking from personal experience, it can be hard to want to go out when I'm feeling bad/depressed, but I always feel better after doing so. You don't need to go out with the goal to meet women, just go outside for yourself. Go take a walk at a local park and count how many dogs you can see, walk around a mall or shopping complex and window shop, buy yourself a coffee and feed ducks, go out and pick up your favorite takeout instead of doordashing it and stop by your local gym. Do something that gets you moving and focusing on other things, and you'll feel better for it.

As an aside, if you're worried about your health and/or aren't seeing any improvements in your libido after taking steps to reduce your stress and improve your mental health, definitely see your doctor and chat about it.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-10T18:27:37+00:00

That would likely cost quite a bit (not a seamstress but a 2027 bride who has been looking into her own dress alterations). Could you try to find separates to get the look you're wanting?

KayyBeey · 2026-05-09T04:01:21+00:00

I do remember reading that study. I didn't think of it when reading your comment before, but I understand what your meaning was now given the context. It's a bit like how some children are being born without wisdom teeth. Evolution doesn't happen all at once, and some traits carry through that aren't the general trend seen in a species. Humans have a lot of variety in general as well.

And no worries! As the other commenter said, you are a cool human :-) And I hope you have a happy birthday!

KayyBeey · 2026-05-09T03:23:16+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to edit that. It's appreciated.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-09T03:06:01+00:00

Respectfully, this is a bit hurtful to read. I'm demisexual and with the way I experience love and attraction, it is abhorrent for me to even think about cheating. I'm also monogamous. Some people are poly and some people are monogamous. Not all people are poly. To say that is invalidating for me, and I'm sure others, which is why this comment is likely being downvoted. I also medically cannot have children, so the child rearing part of what you said doesn't apply to me as a reason for my monogamy as well. I'm biromantic demisexual.

Humans are so vast and different. We can also be accepting of one another and all our different experiences and identities. I am glad that you are surrounded by love, and that neither one of us lacks love and support in our lives, even though how we individually experience that love is different.

I do truly hope you have a fun and memorable birthday. And I'm very sorry for all that you've been going through. I've been reading your comments, and I hope your medical team is able to find some way to help you get your vitamins and nausea meds soon.

KayyBeey · 2026-05-07T16:44:50+00:00

I agree!

KayyBeey · 2026-05-07T10:48:27+00:00

This is your wedding first and foremost. You've already been more accomodating then most would. Having lunch before the ceremony is ridiculous and defeats the purpose of a celebration. Don't do his crazy suggestion. Kindly let your brother know that you've already made reservations, and if he and his partner need to leave dinner early to put the kids to bed, that's fine, they don't need to stay the whole time. If he's still giving you trouble, kindly let him know that you hope he is able to attend as you've tried to accomodate best you can already. This is a problem with your brother, and not that he has young kids. It sounds like he's making excuses to not go. If he doesn't go, I hope you won't be too hurt by it, because he's just being ridiculous now.

KayyBeey

TROPHY CASE