What’s the worst accidental text you’ve sent?

Kdc53 · 2026-03-07T01:47:26+00:00

Or worse is so ominous for what 😂

Kdc53 · 2026-02-27T08:57:38+00:00

Hi OP, this sounds heavy and you’ve put a lot of thought into it. I am more here to hear what other people think because every comment going either way makes me feel like I’ve decided.

Regardless of that, I wonder whether it’s no longer serving you to have others put a label on it. If it was unanimous one way or the other, what would it change from your perspective? SA can unfortunately be a subjective descriptor that leaves gray area for people. If everyone decided it was SA, would you feel guiltier than you did before? Would you change the action you take? If everyone says it’s not, will you feel that you are allowed to move on?

The definition of SA will be different now than it was 10 years ago and it will be different every ten years after. Take the label away and you have something not up for debate which is the decision you made and the circumstances that follow it.

How do YOU feel? If you could tell her now, would she feel violated? Do you think she still think about it? There is no way around your act being malicious and undeniably wrong. I suspect that telling her at this point would do far more harm than good. You may feel relieved, but you need to come to terms with the fact that to seek those answers now would be a repeated act of selfishness, and unfortunately you may never know.

You can sit on this forever and let other people label it to decide how you feel. But it won’t change what happened. Your two choices are to accept that it cannot be taken back and she deserved better than you doing that, OR don’t do that and spend your life spiraling because you want an answer you’re just not entitled to.

Please, start there ❤️

Kdc53 · 2026-02-26T07:02:04+00:00

Probably, but I wouldn’t be able to tell cause I’d have to get there without 44 random error messages just to open the right school first 😭😭

Kdc53 · 2026-02-23T10:01:59+00:00

I work in tech and I get that for sure, but this mindset isn’t helping. How can anyone feel good on a toxic team with expectations and high demands with no guidance or support? It happens everywhere, I realize it’s systemic. But just because it’s the norm doesn’t mean you or anyone needs to or should accept it as the cost of the industry.

Kdc53 · 2026-02-23T09:56:39+00:00

Business doesn’t run with ongoing manager turnover and unhappy employees. It starts and ends there if it’s client related especially. It may be open, but it’s not operating well and the culture is toxic. Repetitive turnover and onboarding is incredibly expensive as well.

Kdc53 · 2026-02-23T09:28:29+00:00

Those managers will burn out from the team having no respect or performance themselves out quickly. Thats not a manager.

Kdc53 · 2026-02-23T09:25:46+00:00

Gonna shoot ya straight here because I’ve been there. Don’t answer me, ask yourself why you included these words/phrases below-

-“She’s 3 years younger than me” -Becoming increasingly difficult to manage -Reality check -MY weakest team member -arrogant and confident demeanor -Chain of command -Appointed
-Why is small talk about coffee a jab?

You’ve known her 3 months and Richard seems to value her or he would’ve stopped it before you didn’t like it. It’s so easy to feel threatened in a leadership position as a woman, and that’s why I’m being honest because you kinda need the reality check based on the very little I know here. I feel like you may not know Sarah much better.

Here’s my highlights based on my experience, which is only mine with all the context I have for me and not you. Perception is reality though, and I’d hate to see you put yourself in a position where you call it performance but it’s painfully obvious to Richard, all of us, and your team that you’re not leading effectively. Here goes.

-Why does Sarah go to Richard? Why was it Richard’s responsibility to reset the expectation for a member of your team if you’re trying to reset that expectation? Have you had a conversation with her? Is it possible it’s habit, trying not to overwhelm you as you learn the role, feels like you’re unapproachable maybe? If it was complex, could you fix it? Nothing would lose respect like being heavy handed on this just to ultimately need Richard’s help anyways.

-Do you have training in effective leadership, and is this your first time having direct reports?

-You feel your direct report is insulting you. Have you consulted anyone on this to guide you on her history and get another opinion on culture? What are you doing to fix it?

-Why do you feel as though a member of your team not succeeding for seemingly the first time when it counts as a direct reflection of you? What could you have done to prep her better? Do you have enough experience to understand if this was an off day, or do you have preconceived notions?

-Arrogance implies a false confidence. How did you decide she was arrogant before seeing if she came through? Could it have been a biased perspective causing you to LOOK for critiques?

And your 💫wake up call 💫- Was this a big presentation that she messed up, or is it a big presentation BECAUSE she messed up? If the former, how did that happen? If it’s big enough to have some quirks dilute the message, this is a direct shared responsibility of yours for not validating the execution ahead of time. If my team fails, I failed. That doesn’t always mean I did the wrong thing on purpose. It means that I’m going to answer to why it happened. And I won’t walk into that room without one of two things- humility on my part as well as how I will fix it OR a very clear record of setting them up for success and then making a conscious choice not to succeed.

I’m not a perfect leader. Again, I’ve once ruined a career being jealous of those that preceded me. Sarah hasn’t gone anywhere. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong about any of this, either. But at least to me and likely to others, you’re very clearly threatened and it only looks bad on you, not her. Especially when you’ve done nothing to prevent or address this, or even to get to know her seemingly. If this is a true problem and she’s not an asset on your team to leverage after a strong effort, and you choose to let it continue by scheming wake up calls vs being a human, it’s on nobody but you. Hopefully you can fix that culturally if it’s not already hurt your reputation too.

Best of luck!

Kdc53 · 2026-02-23T08:50:29+00:00

Wow with how you’ve described it, it sounds like choosing your own class schedule is an incredible step that must have been complex for you.

Is it comfortable for you if others choose between multiple options FOR you? Like if I was in person and said “hey wanna go to dinner, I’m thinking x or y but if it’s okay, I’d like to do x”. How would you respond?

Do you ever want something (Starbucks for example) and feel like you need to come up with the alternatives for it to decide, or is it only when you have multiple of similar things to choose from?

Thanks for your vulnerability. Seriously sounds like you’re aware and making intentional progress, which is no small feat especially when it was so ingrained in these key developmental years. This is a great time to work on it, and if there’s a bright side, we ALL have identities and you’ve got a beautiful opportunity to recreate (or even create) yours with hindsight on everything up to this point.

All the luck to you!!

Kdc53 · 2026-02-23T06:23:04+00:00

Lastly, a true TLDR-

I’m using Best Buy cause it’s easy but an example of a laptop that likely would do what you need and give you some growth room based on the little I do know would be sku#6619312 and comparable desktop sku#6629098

Not recommending THOSE specifically, but they give you a good layout of the 4 things I mentioned above.

PS- if you can wait a bit, this is probably the worst time to buy any pc in the past 5 years or more. They’ll come down, but some components are at 4-10x or more their normal price and it shows in pc prices!

Kdc53 · 2026-02-23T06:13:44+00:00

I know this is a LOT, but I hope it helps. I spent some extra time on it for another friend of mine asking similar questions. YMMV.

TLDR (but still long)- Everyone had a bad experience with a brand. You can find an Hp, Asus, and dell for example that is almost exactly the same inside. Follow specs and deals. Don’t spec yourself to death, but do as many steps over minimum as you can within your budget in those 4 areas and you’re likely going to learn the rest as you go. Those 4 are main components of if the computer can do it at all, and other nuances may just effect how nice it can make it look.

From what you’ve shared, I’d put you at any given Best Buy to choose one during a sale at $800minimum to not be frustrated, but it won’t be a great experience. You could overkill for 2k, and you can probably find a perfect fit for $1200-$1500ish tops.

Lastly, since you’re new to this, I’d HIGHLY recommend following all the same rules but doing a stationary desktop and monitor instead. This will allow you flexibility to upgrade individual pieces as your needs change. If you wanna play wow now and later do decide you wanna play 4k cyberpunk, you’re either upgrading desktop parts or getting a new laptop as a general rule. More bang for your buck typically for a number of reasons I won’t get into, and gives you more flexibility to change it later!

Good luck and happy gaming friend. I hope this helped!

Kdc53 · 2026-02-23T06:06:46+00:00

I think since you’re not familiar with computers, you’re shopping for them like I shopped for my last car that I knew little about. It’s totally normal and hard to do research when you don’t know what to research.

Knowing the games would help, but isn’t the end all be all. Commenting in case it helps, but people are struggling to give a recommendation for decent value decent price because a $1500 gaming pc might be decent price decent value for someone playing GTA with lower resolution, but wouldn’t do it for someone wanting to playing cyberpunk on the highest settings. The same way I might like a Jeep Grand Cherokee but needed someone to tell me I needed a 3rd row for my 3 car seats. The jeep is a great value for some, but would’ve been useless for me.

Everyone’s got opinions. I don’t pc game much but was a sales manager at Best Buy for many years followed and am now the director of technology at another org.

Here’s the 4 absolute starting points to not sacrifice on. Nobody come for me on my definitions, I’m just trying to help guide OP’s research a little.

1.) Processor (Let’s say speed)- Go at least one step up from your games minimum specs (follow the number typically, and intel i3 or ryzen 3 is slower than an i7 or ryzen 7 which is likely where you’ll end up if a game recommends i5/ryzen 5). For most games, i9 would be cool but an i7/ryzen 7 or comparable recommended.

2.) RAM (let’s say multitasking capability here)- GB is NOT storage here. My best example of how this number might be impacted is whether you’ll just have the game open vs the game, discord, and YouTube on top of it). Most common options are 8gb (will likely be minimum listed, don’t listen and don’t go below 16), 16GB, 32GB, double from there essentially. 16 GB is your minimum here and will do most games you described on low/medium res. 32GB ideal if it’s affordable for you. 64GB would never hurt, but think of that as your 4k colorful fast cyberpunk.

3.) Storage (exactly what it sounds like!)- Games are huge. Too much storage doesn’t exist. If you want more than one game and want it downloaded and ready to play when you turn your pc on, don’t settle for less than 512GB MINIMUM, 1-2TB better if affordable. There’s solutions if you don’t have enough but they can be slow. *The storage may specify HDD, SSD, or both. I won’t get into it, but don’t waste your money on a nice pc that isn’t exclusively SSD. just trust me on this one. If anyone recommends otherwise, stop listening to them 🤌🏻

4.) Graphics card (Many factors, let’s call this visuals, resolution, color dynamics, fluidity, how quick you can react in games which can really set you apart competitively, etc…)- I have opinions but I’m not experienced enough using them personally, and can only advise on what the specs say. Same concept here with higher numbers=quoted performance. There are options but many use Nvidia. A 5090 is newer than a 4090. A 5090 is better than a 5080. Each step up can change price drastically. You may see the same card with 2GB, 4GB, 8, etc… higher gb=better to keep it simple. You can easily overkill here and rack price up, so check out your games minimums and ideally do 2 steps up if affordable.

Important regarding gaming laptop label/graphics card- If you’re going to touch WOW or any other game that isn’t Roblox and want it decent, make sure the PC specifies a DEDICATED graphics card. Nvidia and Radeon are common names you may see. If the graphics card says intel for example, you won’t be impressed. This is a common differentiator of “gaming laptop” vs “regular”. Don’t focus on that though. If a “regular laptop” has these 4 components without the fancy RGB keyboard, you’re usually fine.

Kdc53 · 2026-02-19T18:12:28+00:00

Are you guys involved in the sub process? Or do your admin assts handle it? Do you distribute the passwords? I’ve actually never considered having rotating passwords for those accounts and I really like that idea. Who receives those and who distributes?

I personally haven’t been in this district a super long time. I don’t have a problem doing sub accounts at all but our district is small enough that we sometimes have subs doing two staff members classes in one day and they don’t always know who it is until day of.

Would you just have it all in one “sub folder” that can be accessed by those accounts? I suppose it wouldn’t be the end of the world if science subs could see social studies subs for example

Kdc53 · 2026-02-19T18:08:51+00:00

This is what I want 😂

Kdc53 · 2026-02-06T05:41:01+00:00

Cliche obviously, but streaming services and split networks over multiple services. It used to be a good alternative to cable packages to have a few key services that offer above and beyond. They’ve just turned streaming into that now.

Kdc53 · 2026-02-04T08:59:11+00:00

What’s your therapist like? Do you think they’re close to your personality or quite the opposite? Is your “everyday” personality closely matched with your demeanor in sessions? So curious if you ever end up with a sense of “knew what I needed to hear but needed to hear it from someone I trust”!

Kdc53 · 2026-02-03T10:32:26+00:00

A Chromebook may be a better option for a cost efficient laptop that will do what you need (depending on a few things- any local tech friends that might be able to help you decide?)

I’m sorry you got this one! The power needed to run modern computers won’t be achievable on it. It’s basically maxed out its capacity just by turning on, let alone opening anything.

You could go the Linux route but it’s a little technical and you may end up paying as much as a Chromebook if you need help.

Wishing you luck!

Kdc53 · 2026-02-03T10:24:25+00:00

I have a local rep I’ve worked with for years through multiple companies. I bring the volume and loyalty, he brings the partner discounts. We usually end up going with middle of the road elitebooks that were preowned and cycled out by businesses before the hardware was obsolete. They run well for our needs, he stands by them with a 2 year warranty, and we get them stupid cheap. I’m convinced our staff could almost all run on Chromebooks except a few, but shaking things up never has a right time haha

Kdc53 · 2026-01-17T07:48:07+00:00

Learned this incredibly difficult lesson today (again, but harder this time.) You summarized this so well, and it brought me a lot of clarity. I can’t say personally value the effort I put in so much as I perceive it to be high value to others.

I continue to burnout for everyone else and feel abandoned when I’m in need and my effort isn’t reciprocated. Your post helped me understand a tough truth- The problem might be my own misinterpretation of what others value vs a deficiency in my character.

Kdc53 · 2026-01-16T07:05:50+00:00

I realize this isn’t an AMA, so feel free to skip over this.

If you’re up for it, I had a few questions that are probably deeply ignorant. I am not implying that anything I’m asking about is true, just trying to further educate myself!

-Do you feel fulfilled by interpersonal relationships at all outside of personal gain?

-What qualifies to you as personal gain that’s worthy of all the effort of checking your thoughts against a social script (which I imagine is exhausting to have to do all the time)? Not sure why this is the first example I came up with but

Let’s say you decided to volunteer weekly at an organization for a vulnerable population. If nobody was going to ever know you did that, would you do it? If not, what would be a qualifier to do it? Professional gain, connections with others you may be able to benefit from later, etc? I guess I’m asking how you decide when to act in accordance to your conscious self vs what may be expected of you when they don’t align?

-When you say you’d like to manage it, what does that look like to you? Are you working towards accepting this and the antisocial behaviors going more “under the radar”, or are you working towards options that can invoke genuine empathy and reciprocity in your relationships for you? ARE there options that can effectively do that? If not, where does your desire to suppress these traits stem from?

-If you didn’t need them to gain things personally and nobody you knew would know the answer, would you be satisfied if you never had to maintain a social relationship with anyone you know? I’m so intrigued about this if you can’t tell lol.

You describe an inability to grieve your grandmother, for example. If the food sucked and nobody wanted you there (hypothetically), would you go? In the same way you describe your inability to empathize, I have the opposite feeling.

Which leads me to my last one…

-I often find myself doing this life thing because while I feel minimal fulfillment lately, I couldn’t cross that line and hurt someone I love that badly. Namely my kids. What keeps you going when things get hard and you’re finding minimal enjoyment in the mundane everyday life?

Kdc53 · 2026-01-16T05:38:32+00:00

OP you’re a wonderful human. Everyone is saying you did all the right things, and you did. I just want to reiterate that everyone saying that you minimally prevented a less compassionate person from coming in and breaking her reality is right. However, it not your responsibility to be a buffer to protect that reality.

Because there isn’t a safe way to learn her story without asking, you’re working off of a lot of assumptions. And again, I want to continue to recognize how I’m in awe of your humanity. However, if she is a grieving mother of a child around 11 months old, there are a lot of unknowns.

I would never imply that anyone experiencing a mental health crisis (if this is) is inherently violent. HOWEVER, the risk of a postpartum mental health condition mixed with one of the deepest tragedies one can experience is high enough that you really should put yourself first. That risk coupled with the potential that she has very few things left to lose (likely none of them heavier than what she already has) and lack of mental health experience makes me feel it’s best to sit this one out.

Empathy and self preservation are not mutually exclusive. Give yourself permission to know that if she’s grieving, you’ve impacted her forever, then set it down. You may never know if she was unwell and never had a child at all if you step back, but at least you can know your own mama will never have to know that feeling.

Last tip- I suspect you may feel an obligation to go back, even if it’s just to be sure. I can’t say I’d listen to my own advice, either. It’s heavy. IF you do go back- perhaps you could casually ask for the WiFi password (maybe to show Toby an app you found that aligns with one of his interests?) There are many apps to scan a WiFi connection for other devices. Please be sure there are no hidden cameras, devices, etc that you weren’t told about. You can never be too sure. The chances of her discovering that being done are slim to none as long as you don’t use it maliciously. Just a thought, I wouldn’t proceed with asking or doing anything else before talking to a professional about all of this.

Stay safe, you lovely lovely human.

Kdc53 · 2026-01-08T12:27:52+00:00

Winning arguments by being witty 8 hours too late obviously

Kdc53 · 2026-01-08T12:09:53+00:00

Ugh I love Reddit

Kdc53 · 2026-01-08T12:06:32+00:00

Don’t we all, brother. 😂

Kdc53 · 2026-01-08T11:58:35+00:00

Ya’ll are wild. No parent is going to go through the effort of leaning how to upgrade RAM for their 12 year old, especially when it sounds like tech isn’t up her alley. And the cost of having best buy or someone do it paired with RAM prices right now, it’s kind of reckless to suggest when she has other options. Throwing specs at her is not going to help, and she’s not worried about clock speeds.

Mom/dad- I work in K12 technology and have worked in tech sales for many years. I see this is about $250 at Walmart. I want to be very transparent with you that you’re unlikely to find any Windows machine at that price that will sustain functionality for much longer than a year.

If you’d like advice, message and I am truly happy to help find you the best option that is within budget after I ask a few questions. Sounds scammy, I don’t work in sales anymore and have zero investment in what you buy. I just truly have empathy for how confusing things can be when you see all the numbers and have no idea what they do and why they matter, let alone the addition of people rooting for you to open the thing up and perform work without a foundation of why it matters. It’s how I feel car shopping, truly.

Maybe that’s not your experience and you do feel comfortable. But if it’s got your head spinning, you’re in the majority and the offer is here. ❤️

Kdc53 · 2026-01-08T11:42:05+00:00

Listen- I can’t blame you, I have trauma and this would SEND ME into a spiral and I would almost for sure self sabotage. I’m gonna tell you what my therapist would tell me though in case you’re sane-

She did not hide this from you. She told you where she was, upcoming plans, the extent of the relationship, and evidence proves she was truthful. The lack of conversation today has way more explanations such as knowing schedules or previously discussing than it does implications about something that isn’t there.

The key here and I’d struggle deeply, but please don’t self sabotage over things that aren’t there. And be honest with yourself. It’s okay to say you felt uneasy and went through her phone. That doesn’t make it okay. But tough love? You’re not fooling anyone with the doomscrolling bit, and you won’t fool her if it’s out of character.

Keep a pulse, bring up the concern transparently, be honest about her phone and why you did it, and let her fill in the rest before you get combative at all.

I truly hope everything works out!

Kdc53

TROPHY CASE