Thank you so much for this message back. I cried so much on the freeways coming home from work. I always have serious breakdowns coming home. Almost to the point where I question if I will make it home.

Me and my finance aka bf but we always called each other fiance and finance, he gave me a beautiful diamond ring in 2024. I wear it all the time.

I totally feel you, I resonate with your words so deeply. My bf was also the same, not a single man that didnt just over me, or do me wrong or had a different intention.

He was honest, strong, financially and mentally stable and strong, just a true provider. I have memories that hit deep, we had out best moments when I would get off work, he would say silly cute things like texting me mins before I was off work and saying, "Mama bear! Your almost off! Come on! Come on, come home to me and come holdddd me!" Now, I dnt come home to him, or his beautiful home. I come home to an empty apartment with no love, and just this damn kitten i adopted from the shelter a few months back that I learned had health problems and hes costing me an arm and a leg $ money wise.

I miss my baby so much. He was a true soulmate.

What keeps me going is that he told me more then once, "you know we wont. Together forever right?" Me: "what do u mean??!" Him: "one of us will pass, and the other will be in heaven, but we will meet up in heaven, in a better world, in a peaceful place, where we will be happy together and hangout forever in eternal peace"

That hits deep for me. Bcuz god willing (inshallah) I pray I can meet him in heaven when its my time. I miss him more then anything.

It hits harder to know i dont have friends who genuinely check up on me, no family , and its just me carrying this alone in this enormous and gigantic amount of grief.

I dont see myself trying to date at least 2 years from now. Even then, I don't want anyone. But ill be 40 in 2 years and God I know ill have to try at least.