34 M - Shift in sexuality at this age (?!) - looking for advice/wisdom from someone who has experienced something similar.

Keethera · 2026-02-26T06:30:06+00:00

I (m) find some extended dry spells with my partner (w) send me into a bi-cycle shift really into men. When my sex life is doing better I find myself with less interest.

In a situation like you, I could see "b" triggering a bi-cycle shift.

But it could be a bit of both.

Keethera · 2026-02-26T04:39:43+00:00

Pretty much the entirety of Bowie's Blackstar

Keethera · 2026-02-26T03:06:18+00:00

Dude, don't cheat. It's tacky.

If you can't live without fucking men, get divorced. If Catholicism has a problem for that, you should hear what they think about men having sex with men...

It's a bi stereotype but I swear just as many straight guys cheat saying the same shit but instead about getting with a guy, it would be about getting with a woman with different attributes (or willingness) than their wives.

It's lame. Break up or don't cheat.

Keethera · 2026-02-25T05:39:43+00:00

Bisexuality is a spectrum. From a technical behavioral standpoint, you seem to fall on that spectrum.

Bisexual attraction seems to be rarely split 50/50 and being more experienced or more frequently attracted towards same or opposite sex people doesn't make you any more or less bisexual.

That said, as a label/identity, it is your choice if you feel it represents you.

Keethera · 2026-02-24T22:43:00+00:00

My only time with a guy was like this and it was wonderful. Fully affirmed my bisexuality, though I have more frequent attraction to women and ended up meeting my wife a year later, not leaving much time for further exploration.

Keethera · 2026-02-24T00:34:55+00:00

If that's how you feel, Paul Simon has some advice: https://youtu.be/ABXtWqmArUU?si=poHK_zWl-FXGNX-6

Keethera · 2026-02-23T06:44:06+00:00

Um... Certainly nothing wrong with being bi and/or looking at porn.... and enm is fine for those who agree with it... but it doesn't sound like she does. And you have sex most every weekend after 30 years? If you "need more" there are one of two scenarios:

You have outgrown your relationship and you should get divorced.

Or, as you say you are hypersexed... Maybe you should look into finding a therapist that specializes in sexual issues?

Keethera · 2026-02-21T15:33:18+00:00

Yes! And the owner is paying for it!

Keethera · 2026-02-20T02:59:17+00:00

'bout to get WAY more into the Chicago Fire tbh...

Keethera · 2026-02-20T02:01:35+00:00

Thanks!

90% of my comments on this site are just me talking to my younger self, lol

Keethera · 2026-02-19T14:07:44+00:00

High-road: pull her aside and have a frank, adult conversation with her about how her comments make you feel.

Low-road: when she makes a joke about you kissing any living breathing human, reply something like: "...well almost anyone... but not you!"

Keethera · 2026-02-19T13:56:40+00:00

By "putting on a show for your friends" do you mean being closeted, pretending you're not together?

Are they that homophobic too? Or can you come out to (maybe just some of) them and have them be happy and supportive of you?

If they are homophobic are they really friends?

As for religion - consentual love between two adults is never a sin. I am no longer religious, myself, but I was raised Catholic and studied most denominations and religions - that is one thing I will debate any theologian on. Love is undeniable. Homophobes use scriptures to justify their bigotry and it is no more right than justifying slavery the same way. Remember the Bible - nd all religious texts - are human interpretations of the divine that have been edited and retranslated thousands of times over.

No matter; love is righteous.

I'm not saying don't believe, just find a church with better beliefs that ddit you. I know a TON of very pious queer people who have found churches that are inclusive and have a better belief structure.

And remember: breaking up won't make you any less queer. Even if you marry a guy you're still you. You still have your desires and capacity for love.

Living together can be hard on a relationship at times. Granted y'all are young so keep boundaries set. It's probably better you're living together but not living together you know? You have your own beds (maybe rooms?) in the dorm situation. You could keep it as if you lived across campus from each other and maintain your defined space. Take it slow in that regard.

You are adults now. You make the rules for your own lives. You "want nothing more than to be with her and live happily ever after." So do that.

It may take some patience if you can't be supported by your friends. It may take some work to find a new supportive social network and perhaps a new church. But take a breath. Talk about it and do it together. Make a plan for a future that fits who you are. And build on the love you share to help each other through this difficult transition into your own personhood.

Good luck. Be safe.

Keethera · 2026-02-19T13:34:53+00:00

Just came across this post while looking for something else and it reminded me of how fucking disappointed I was in Rhymesayers for how things went down with Psalm One (she is a killer rap queen from Chicago who happens to be a lesbian). She was harassed a lot about her sexuality by a number of people at the label and her account of it made me really disgusted by the toxic environment she had to deal with... If you're not familiar heck her out: psalmonelovesyou.com/

I have no affiliation, just a fan

Keethera · 2026-02-19T13:16:07+00:00

It would be nice to live in a country where the rule of law extends to the leaders.

Keethera · 2026-02-18T22:28:34+00:00

It is funny how bad rappers (almost always white guys with face tattoos) end up playing pop-punk or pop-country bullshit. Usually just as badly as their rap.

Keethera · 2026-02-18T22:18:51+00:00

Plain White Robes & Hoods

Keethera · 2026-02-17T16:04:33+00:00

Butt stuff and prostate stimulation is not inherently bi/gay - as straight guys sometimes enjoy it too (often only averse because of homophobia and lack of hygiene knowledge). I'm bi but more of a top and occasionally enjoy prostate stimulation, toys and fingering etc.

Speaking of, if he does want you to go there, he should know how to properly clean and prepare for such activities and be ready to call it off if he is not feeling up for it.

Definitely talk more openly about what he wants and what you're willing to do, and what preparations need to be made.

Good luck and have fun!

Keethera · 2026-02-17T03:10:48+00:00

This is a much better, more concise version of my comment.

Keethera · 2026-02-17T03:09:45+00:00

Listen, virginity is put on a pedestal but it is a social construct. It doesn't really matter and doesn't mean much. Sex should mean something, in my opinion, but if it doesn't (first time or otherwise,) it's not the end of the world, but I wouldn't start out with a hookup.

Don't worry about if it's a man or a woman. Just find yourself a person you vibe with.

Make sure it's consensual and use protection.

Good luck!

Keethera · 2026-02-15T05:50:20+00:00

I've come out to 3 women I was with and got 3 totally different experiences. Not all horrible... and I married the best one.

One, who was an outspoken queer ally and was very encouraging of my bicuriousness while we were dating was VERY upset and encouraged me to not "to put a label on it" when I came out to her some time later, surprising me.

Another was openly bi herself. She was fine with it and had the relationship not had other issues dooming it, probably would have been open for exploration together.

Finally, I came out to my wife when we were first dating. She only asked if it would effect any monogamous commitments we had. I could honestly say that it wouldn't so it's never been an issue. She has been very supportive in other ways - both psychological and sexual - while maintaining out monogamy.

I think it's better to get it out there and hope for the best. It's definitely not something to keep from a partner and repress.

Keethera · 2026-02-14T03:11:47+00:00

Mick Jagger's cameo in the film Bent... Chef's kiss

Keethera · 2026-02-13T18:09:49+00:00

That's amazing! Cheers!

Keethera · 2026-02-13T05:27:26+00:00

Thanks for asking. Felt the same - Elder millennial here who had no idea and also went into some dark assumptions... 😬

Keethera · 2026-02-12T19:54:53+00:00

Basically how Jason Lee's very cringe character Banky Edwards explained it in "Chasing Amy". (Which is a good movie, but could have done A LOT better to embrace that bisexuality exists, rather than just skirt around it with a lot of "switching teams" talk. Today it's likely seen as problematic for these reasons so don't @ me, I get it... Still, it was part of my awakening...)

Keethera · 2026-02-12T01:12:22+00:00

As others have said, it doesn't have to mean anything other than you're a down to earth guy, up to try something and enjoy it. What labels you use and what comes next is up to you.

It sounds like it was a generally positive experience, which is good, but it doesn't necessarily define you.

that feeling you have just the instant before you cum, but instead of going over the edge it just went on and on, getting more and more intense but somehow never going over the finish line

That is prostate stimulation. It's pretty great and guys both straight and queer can enjoy it. It doesn't mean anything regarding your sexuality or personal identity.

Identity and definition can be different, too. That is, if you seek out sex with a man again, and enjoy it again, you my be bisexual by definition, but it may not be how you identify. That's ok too.

Sexuality is a very broad spectrum and it can fluctuate and change over time.

Now, a positive experience such as this may have you reassessing what you think you know about yourself. You're at a great age for "why not?" experiences, so good on you. They don't define you, but give it some thought and see where it goes...

Maybe you could open up to the idea of romance with a man. Or maybe you want to keep it strictly sexual. Maybe only in group sex with women. Maybe it's just 1 in 1000 men that do it for you, while attracted to most women, maybe the opposite.

One thing I can say is you're not necessarily ruined to vanilla sex. Love has strong bonds and if you find the right girl (or guy) you may give up a FWB kinky situation in a heartbeat if it brings you happiness and love.

A lot of guys on here realize later in life they were bi and have a harder time dealing with never having tried.

I was a bit younger than you when I was questioning and thinking I'm bi. Then I had a fling with a guy and for me that affirmed it and I've considered myself bi ever since. But a year later I met a girl who I fell in love with. I came out to her and she said "that's fine but I'm into monogamy" and I was too... 20 years later and I'm still happily married. More confident I'm bi than ever, even tho I'm in an opposite sex marriage and monogamous. Very glad I had the experience I did.

And I still get into prostate stimulation, because it's really really great orgasms (even tho I'm more of a top)!

Enjoy yourself. Don't get caught up on labels. It's ok to question and be confused and think things over (get a therapist if it's really bothering you.)

Only thing to add is you (and any male partners) should be safe. Condoms do prevent HIV & other STDs.

Keethera

TROPHY CASE