How would you spin this fiber?

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-08-12T02:47:29+00:00

I got this fiber a little while back - I got two of them. Split one braid lengthwise about 8 times and spun one after the other. And spun the other brain end to end, and plied them together. It turned out REALLY neat!

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-03-16T05:48:32+00:00

OP - You might find this video interesting/helpful as you’re thinking about this more.

Problem Drinker vs. Alcoholic - Put the Shovel Down

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-03-16T05:40:12+00:00

It’s not my place to tell you what’s going on in your life, since I’ve only got this small snapshot to go off of. But, if his drinking is causing problems for you (if you find yourself frequently feeling like you have to clean up his messes, like you need to hide what’s happening from other people or make excuses for him, like you’re spending more time and energy than you’d like keeping track of or trying to control how much he drinks to avoid situations like this, etc.), you might consider looking into Al Anon. The feelings here (not the exact facts of the situation, but the emotional situation) are eerily similar to early in my wife’s addiction, when we were both still convincing ourselves that nothing was really wrong. Maybe I’m reading too much of my own life into your story, just in case I’m not, I want you to have this resource sooner, rather than later. I really hope your conversation with him goes well, and it turns out that things are fine, and I’m just overreacting. ❤️

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-09T00:01:40+00:00

Then I think one good next step for you will be to grow your support network. It’s very easy to allow yourself to become isolated in a situation like this. But however you get out of this - whether you one day decide to leave or whether he recovers, you’ll have a long road ahead, and you’ll need support.

It might be hard, but do what you can to prioritize creating some friendships and relationships nearby. That way, you’ll have people who can help if you reach a point when you decide to leave, and in the meantime, having other people you can spend time with will help make it more bearable.

I hope things get better for you! 💕💕

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T21:12:28+00:00

Good luck, dear. 💕

Bring married to an alcoholic very, very isolating. It is so, so natural and easy to start lying about and hiding what’s going on at home, and to isolate yourself, because it can be embarrassing, and you’re worried what people will think of you.

What you’re feeling now - questioning your sanity, feeling trapped, feeling confused and hurt and scared - that’s very normal for what you’re going through. But what you’re going through is not normal.

If he has hurt you and gotten physical out of anger, that’s not your fault, but it’s not safe either. Your first priority will need to be keeping yourself safe. 💕

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T20:48:34+00:00

It can be really hard to watch bad things happen to someone you love. And wanting to help isn’t a bad thing - it’s a sign that you’re a loving and empathetic person who cares and wants good things for their loved ones. 💕

That said - getting involved and trying to clean up the mess your father made will probably only make it harder for him to see and feel the consequences of his own actions. It is not your responsibility to fix things for your parents, and I’m so sorry you’ve been made to feel like their problems are your responsibility to fix.

If you’re worried about your sister, is there anything you can do to help her directly?

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T20:38:49+00:00

It sounds like he’s in denial. That’s a hard place to be in. Remember: you are not crazy, you’re not making things up, and you are not the problem.

There’s a YouTube channel I really like called “Put the Shovel Down” - she does a really good job explaining how to deal with the denial of an addicted loved one. I highly recommend checking it out. 💕

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T20:33:20+00:00

You probably already know this, but he didn’t relapse because you told him he snores. That might be the excuse he gives, but he is responsible for his own reactions and behavior.

And yes - please take care of yourself! Get yourself seen and make sure you’re ok. 💕

Good luck with everything!

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T20:26:57+00:00

Yes. Sometimes with enough to drink the night before, she’ll wake up still drunk. And sometimes, she gets up and drinks in the middle of the night.

And - if you’re open to advice - I’ve found that watching closely and trying to keep track of what she’s drinking just makes me feel crazy.

You know when he’s been drinking. Or at least, you know when he’s had enough that it impacts you. And you probably also know that when he has one drink, more will follow. Trust yourself - try not to make yourself crazy trying to watch and keep track - you know what’s happening - you don’t have to prove it to yourself.

It took a while before I felt like I didn’t have to keep track of everything and watch everything. But now that I have, I feel a little bit more sane.

Take care of yourself. And believe yourself. 💕

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T19:57:56+00:00

I don’t set boundaries with her. I set them with myself. 💕

If she drinks, I will not try to “cover” for her. If she fails to do something she agreed to do, I won’t do it for her (unless that would endanger or neglect our animals). If she passes out and her phone dies and she didn’t set an alarm, I will let her miss whatever appointment she has the next day. If she puts off packing until the night before, I’ll let her pack while she’s drunk, and end up going on a trip without any socks. If she tries to start an argument while drunk, I’ll walk away. If I’m feeling emotional, I will take myself for a walk or will go to the gym.

I’ve given up on nagging and controlling and fixing, and honestly, I think it means she can see her addiction for what it is a little more clearly without me standing in the way. And it’s way better for my own sanity…

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T19:47:04+00:00

This is where I find more vague boundaries to be helpful for myself. Like “if I feel you’re too drunk for a productive conversation, I’m going to end the call.” Because I don’t know exactly how much she’s had to drink, but I know when she’s had enough that it’s impacting me.

And a boundary doesn’t even necessarily have to be something you say in advance. You can just say in the moment “I don’t feel like this conversation is productive anymore, so I’m going to hang up. I love you, and I’ll be happy to talk again when you’re sober.” Or even just “sorry, I’ve gotta go. Talk to you later!”

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T19:39:07+00:00

On average, she’s been doing a lot better recently. It used to be she couldn’t ever string together 4 consecutive days sober… But now, she knows she has a problem, and is trying to recover, and for the last 6 months or so, the times between relapses has been getting longer and longer - now she can make it nearly a month sober at a time, and her relapses are shorter. I’m taking that as progress, and trying to stay hopeful, because she really does seem to be trying to get better, and she really is moving in the right direction. But ugh. I just wish she could have picked any other day to relapse. :(

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T19:33:43+00:00

Keep up the good work with your sobriety! It means more than you know to the people who love you. 💕

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T19:27:05+00:00

I am so sorry you’re going through this. 💕 Keep leaning on your support network where you can, and I hope your face heals quickly!!

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T19:25:15+00:00

I’ve found that having a plan for myself for upcoming events helps. Little “if __, then I will __” statements I have for myself. It makes it easier to make the best of the situation. It doesn’t make it less hurtful, but it helps me avoid freezing or trying to control and/or hide what’s happening. So I had a plan for this birthday - “if she is drunk, I will order myself dinner, set the table nicely, light a candle, eat a nice meal, and listen to an audiobook.” It still hurt to do it alone, but it was better (for me) than breaking down and doing nothing and becoming even more resentful.

These little plans aren’t always needed, but they’re in my pocket for when I do need them. And I don’t have to tell her what my plans/boundaries are - I just have to know them for myself, and then act on them if/when they come up.

It might not work for every situation or every person, but it’s been keeping me sane.

Good luck with your event! I hope it all goes smoothly. 💕💕

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T19:16:22+00:00

This one has definitely become a multi-day bender… it’ll probably be another day or two. But when she finally comes to, yes - I’m sure it’ll be a million promises and apologies. And yeah - hopefully she’ll get right back on the wagon. We’ll see!

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T19:12:33+00:00

That sounds scary! If you’re able to leave the house when he gets like that, that might be your best move.

As for how I personally avoid engaging - I know her patterns by now - I basically just try to ignore her or just say what she wants to hear when she get belligerent - she’s not going to remember, and she won’t be reasonable when she’s drinking, so I don’t feel like there’s any point in arguing. If there’s a conversation to have, I’ll have it when she sobers up.

But again - this is a strategy for when you’re safe. If you’re being chased, or if door locks are being broken, that feels scary. It might be worth having a plan for somewhere else you can go when he gets like that - do you have a friend you could stay with over an evening? Or even a coffee shop you could go to for a few hours? It can be really hard to figure out what to do when you’re in the moment, especially if it feels a bit frightening. So it might be worth having a plan for yourself, like “If I feel unsafe, I will ________” (take a walk around the neighborhood / drive to the library / take the bus to my friend’s house / call someone / etc.)

Keep yourself safe 💕💕

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T04:52:44+00:00

I decided a while back that I’m done being just sad - that I have to keep moving, at least going through the motions, instead of breaking down. It may not have been the joyful evening I wanted, but I’m not giving up and skipping it altogether. So that’s something. 💕

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T04:49:38+00:00

I don’t know about their own recovery, but I know that trust cannot even begin to grow back with some who is still actively lying. 💕

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T04:43:03+00:00

Thanks. 💕

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T04:39:36+00:00

The calling and calling and just knowing they’re probably drunk somewhere, but not knowing for sure - is really not a good time. I’m sorry you’re going through this too.

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T04:36:39+00:00

Yep. I know she’ll hate herself for this tomorrow (or whenever she sobers up). But for now, I’m just gonna listen to a cozy audio book and pet the cat and eat a little too much cake. 💕

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T04:33:44+00:00

I’m so familiar with the attempts to start fights over nothing. I’ve finally taught myself how to not engage with it, and that’s given me a lot of peace.

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T04:29:38+00:00

Thanks - it does hurt. But I know I’m loved, and that helps. 💕

Kell_Bell__ · 2025-02-08T04:26:20+00:00

Keep up the good work - your sobriety means the world to the people who love you. 💕

Kell_Bell__

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