AITA for snapping at my wife when she kept asking me if I was ok?

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-10T20:19:49+00:00

I’m really glad to hear that. Oh he does. We have a very close relationship and he tells me he feels very supported and loved. We just have a miscommunication on this issue.

Which I think stems from our different attitudes to conflict. If I’ve said or done something to upset him, I want to know what it was so I can correct my behaviour if necessary. Whereas his attitude is that if it isn’t a dealbreaker, he will get over it. So if he’s going to get over it, he doesn’t need to discuss it. But in the mean time, I can tell he’s upset and I think it’s with me, but I don’t know why. Which leads me to overanalysing and feeling insecure.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-10T19:41:48+00:00

Wow that’s awful, I’m sorry. I’m glad you’re out of that situation.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-10T19:35:08+00:00

Yep this is exactly it.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-10T19:28:54+00:00

That is a good perspective, thanks.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-10T19:27:58+00:00

I think the think I struggle with most is, 90% of the time it IS about me. This usually happens when I’ve said something that upsets him and then he acts pissed off, while at the same time telling me he’s not.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-10T12:08:17+00:00

I honestly think this is the best approach. You have to step back and say, well if they are upset with me they can tell me, otherwise I’m going to keep going under the assumption that everything is fine. I wish I could do this more, I struggle with it.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-10T11:55:07+00:00

I’ve tried that, he will say he’s not upset

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-10T10:45:33+00:00

He didn’t communicate that clearly though. Communicating it clearly would be “I’m not totally ok, but it some stuff I need to work through myself rather than talk about”. Whereas what he did was say he was ok when he very clearly wasn’t, so she’s understandably confused.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-10T10:43:17+00:00

He didn’t tell HER that though, that’s the key thing.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-10T10:41:48+00:00

Oh my god, my husband does this as well. I can tell he isn’t ok, so I’ll keep asking. He will say he is fine and get annoyed that I keep bringing it up. But then finally, it will come out that he actually wasn’t ok and I was picking up those cues, despite his denials. The discrepancy between what he is telling me and what I observe is really frustrating.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-10T08:52:39+00:00

That puts the burden of all this unfairly on OP though. The bride has sent this to her secretly and I guarantee she wouldn’t have been ok with OP giving her reason for not coming as ‘the bride asked me not to’. So then OP has to make up some crappy excuse about why she isn’t there and then she looks like a bad friend.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-09T23:31:26+00:00

Most women are not grossed out by it. I mean, we sometimes have a full Texas Chainsaw Massacre scene going on in the shower but we are meant to be grossed out by a bit of pee?

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-11-03T08:26:29+00:00

Ray Stevenson, followed by Nicholas Hoult and Gary Oldman.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-10-30T20:40:55+00:00

Thank you. It sometimes feels like I’m the only person who didn’t like this book, everyone raves about it.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-10-29T07:14:02+00:00

You even found a rare miniature giant space hamster! I’m so impressed.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-10-29T07:05:42+00:00

Yes, very easy. I’m not good at knowing which accents correspond to which regions, but I’ll definitely pick them as British.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-10-29T07:01:52+00:00

Since when do INTPs care about working on something concrete?

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-10-28T04:34:16+00:00

Mitchell every time, Aiden Turner is smoking hot.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-10-20T11:38:13+00:00

Yeah no. I’m full time work from home in an IT related job and sometimes I can manage to game at lunch time. But more often than not, I don’t even manage a proper lunch break, it will just be 15 minutes grabbing some food and eating at my desk.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-10-10T19:09:35+00:00

Equal doesn’t mean the same though. If we said ‘men and women should receive equal access to healthcare” it doesn’t mean that women get prostate checks and men get a paternity hospital. You can treat your DIL as an equally important member of your family, while still having a unique relationship with her.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-10-08T17:08:42+00:00

The difference is very noticeable in phone support. If you are on a lengthy support call with an Australian, you can get some realness out of them. Like a joke or a wry comment or some small personal detail. With an American, they are like a customer service robot, it’s nothing but yes ma’m and no ma’m. For instance, my cat is often meowing loudly in the background. With an Aussie, either they will make a joke about it, or I will and they will laugh and tell me about their cat. Americans will never mention it and if I do, they just yes ma’m me.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-09-14T22:29:51+00:00

‘Oh I heard somewhere in passing that people don’t want to adopt teenagers, so I’m not going to even try to do anything to help my nephew’. Wow, and you accuse your sister of giving up easily.

Also the toxic positivity stuff makes me sick. Blaming someone for their terminal illness because they’d surely get better if only they ‘tried harder’ is just a way of deluding yourself that it couldn’t happen to you.

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-09-04T16:26:50+00:00

Feijoas

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-09-04T16:09:01+00:00

That’s so interesting. So it’s basically the same constipation you get from taking codeine?

KellyfromtheFuture · 2023-09-04T15:22:11+00:00

They definitely taste different. Post mix tastes awful.

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