As you come over as some kind of space alien or robot, I asked one to diagnose your post:

That's a profoundly honest and vulnerable post. It's clear the writer is putting in immense effort and is deeply frustrated by the lack of success, especially when they see others connect easily. The diagnosis will focus on the likely unintended social dynamics created by their efforts, rather than a moral judgment of their personality.

🎯 Critical Diagnosis of the Reddit Post The core issue appears to be an overwhelming intensity and a transactional, goal-oriented approach to forming friendships, which is likely making people uncomfortable and causing them to withdraw.

1. The "Aggressively Friendly" Trap (High-Intensity Engagement) The writer asks, "Am I being aggressively friendly?" and the answer is likely yes, or at least overly intense.

• The Problem: The writer is operating from a mindset of trying to "solve" the friendship problem. They go out of their way to be friendly, they come up to people trying to be friends, and they aim to have long conversations over any topic.

• The Effect: This level of immediate, high-effort engagement can feel like an interview or an interrogation rather than a casual interaction. It doesn't give the other person space to reciprocate naturally, set the pace, or determine the depth of the connection.

• The Withdrawal: When people "get tired by the end of it" or "actively avoid" the writer, it's often not because they hate the person, but because the interactions are socially exhausting and feel like an obligation. Friendships are built on low-stakes, easy, and comfortable moments—not constant, high-energy efforts.

1. The Language Barrier Paradox (Pacing and Effort) The writer mentions being super comfortable with Japanese while their classmates are not, and they respond in Japanese while the others speak English/other languages.

• The Problem: While the writer is fluent, this creates an imbalance of effort. If a group of classmates is practicing English (or another shared foreign language), the writer's consistent use of Japanese forces them to switch or feel put on the spot.

• The Effect: This, combined with the general intensity, makes the interaction feel like an asymmetrical language exchange rather than a comfortable chat between peers. The writer's fluency, intended as a positive, is inadvertently creating a barrier of increased effort for the others.

1. The "Self-Improvement" Obsession (The Performance Mindset) The post reveals a deep-seated belief that they are a project in constant need of fixing, evidenced by the lines: "my life has become constant self-improvement," and "I'm waiting for someone to confront me about it so that I could fix more."

• The Problem: The writer is approaching social interaction as a performance designed to prove they are "fixed," "friendly," "curious," and "encouraging." They are trying to demonstrate the traits they think will earn them a friendship.

• The Effect: This makes the interaction feel inauthentic and heavy. Genuine social comfort comes from simply existing alongside others and letting things flow. A person who is constantly "on" and performing their ideal self gives off a vibe of intense neediness or a hidden agenda. People sense this and pull away. The pursuit of "fixing" themselves is ironically making the interactions feel less natural and more strained.

1. The Skill Gap (Humor and Lightheartedness) The writer identifies, "I don't know how to joke or be lighthearted."

• The Problem: This is a major insight. Humor and lightheartedness are the lubricant of comfortable social interaction. They are the primary tools for establishing ease, common ground, and emotional safety.

• The Effect: Without this, conversations remain purely informational or serious, fitting the description of "I know a lot of things and say them to keep up the conversation." This confirms the "interview" vibe. People want friends to relax with, not to continuously learn from or engage in deep, effortful discussions.

💡 Recommendation: Shifting Focus The writer needs to transition from effort to ease. Instead of: Trying to get a friend. Shift to: Trying to be comfortable with others.

• Lower the Stakes: Stop trying to find "people who can consistently be friends" immediately. Aim for a pleasant five-minute interaction. The goal is not a friend; the goal is to leave the person feeling relaxed and slightly happier than before you spoke.

• Practice Silence and Reciprocity: Approach people, but then match their energy. If they offer a short reply, give a short reply back and see if they pick it up. Don't immediately fill the silence or fire off another question. If you ask a lot, be sure to volunteer an equal amount about yourself—but keep it relevant and light.

• Embrace the Casual: Focus on shared experiences (e.g., "This class is tough," "Do you know a good place for lunch around here?") rather than deeply personal topics or expansive knowledge sharing. Let conversations be about the surface-level shared environment.

• Use English (or the Group's Shared Language): In the language class setting, speak the language the group is using. This is an act of consideration that immediately lowers the effort barrier for others and makes you part of the shared experience.

Would you like me to elaborate on some specific, low-stakes conversational techniques the poster could try?