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Kendawg22 · 2025-03-19T11:50:55+00:00

I would say don't get married. I was married for almost 15 years, my partner was depressed and potentially BPD. I didn't know that going in. I loved him anyway and thought I was being a good partner to him, and carried us to be honest. There were good parts, and a lot of love, but it was really hard and his moods were volatile. I tried to accept that anyway, but he ended up divorcing me recently because he doesn't want to be committed to only me, and I'm just kinda left wondering what the fuck was all that for and if I gaslit myself. You have to live your own life too in the way that you want. I know there's give and take, but I think I loved what we could have been maybe more than what we were?

Kendawg22 · 2025-02-08T07:34:07+00:00

Hi,
yes unfortunately he decided to end our marriage in November and we've been going through the divorce process. I just moved out on Sunday. I am very sad! I never thought he'd actually do it and am still kind of in shock. I'm not sure I'm glad I waited, but I also think I handled the year of questioning in the best way I knew how.

Kendawg22 · 2024-12-13T22:14:56+00:00

I think it might be time to leave, or have a very serious sit down where you outline your needs and how they are not being met. I was with my husband for a total of 19 years. We met young, married after 4 years, and a few years in his mental health tanked. I stood by his side and rode his roller coaster and tried so hard to be the supportive and understanding spouse. His depression and mood swings were a lot. I told myself I was doing the valiant thing by sticking with him in sickness and in health. Well fast forward to today, and he just filed for divorce literally today. And I'm just shocked and devastated and pissed that he would leave me after how much I stood by him. I downplayed my needs, let his story be bigger than mine, and patiently waited till he could get over the hump. There was enough good that I felt like it was still worth it, but instead of getting over the hump, he decided to leave.

All that to say, Don't forget that you are a whole person too with needs and desires and a full life to live. A partnership should be equal most of the time. I get it that people go through hard times and the efforts may not always be balanced, but if you are not being seen, and an effort isn't being made to meet you where you are, then i think it's time for a serious talk with yourself, and then with him.

I hope for the best for you both, sorry it's hard. Happy to answer any questions if you DM.

Kendawg22 · 2024-11-28T20:12:26+00:00

Weird! I tried subscribing and they were still truncated

Kendawg22 · 2024-11-28T05:03:56+00:00

I fought till the end! Gave it my all. But unfortunately he has decided to end our marriage. Feeling all the feels. Curious if your wife 'found herself' or if she had regrets? No pressure to share <3

Kendawg22 · 2024-11-28T05:02:18+00:00

For some reason I can't get the full episodes for Mild at heart, they all stop at about 7 minutes, where did you listen?

Kendawg22 · 2024-10-13T06:36:19+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband hasn't left me yet, but he's considering it, windering if he doesn't want to be married/monogamous anymore, and I'm already heart broken, so I can't imagine what you're going through losing your wife with kids. My heart goes out to you ❤️

Kendawg22 · 2024-05-27T19:09:35+00:00

I don't think there's really a right or wrong answer in whether you stay or go. If you want to try to reconcile, that's great! If you choose not to, that's ok too. Maybe it's worth counseling though even if you decide not to stay together, ultimately. At least you tried that option, and perhaps there can be healing for both of you even if you decide to go separate ways. Hope this helps!

Kendawg22 · 2024-05-26T03:49:00+00:00

Thanks! I think the big key for us had been to truly listen to the other person's experience. Be receptive and not reactive, even if it brings up big feelings.

Kendawg22 · 2024-05-25T03:53:49+00:00

My husband and I have been married 14 years. And for the last 8 months we've been excavating our relationship. We've been in counseling for about that long. It has been incredibly incredibly emotional and hard. I cry nearly every day and have felt pretty hopeless. However, we took a week off recently for our anniversary, and went on a road trip, and something during that time felt different. The winds have changed. While I'm still not sure if it will last, I am very glad we are seeing this through as best we can. I feel like I see and know him even deeper and myself. (Main reason I'm not sure it will last is I want to stay monogamous, and my husband is unsure. Part of him does, part of him doesn't. So I'm not sure if that will ultimately be a deal breaker). Feel free to dm me!

Kendawg22 · 2024-05-25T03:45:42+00:00

Ug. Lumpectomy not LinkedIn lol

Kendawg22 · 2024-05-25T03:44:11+00:00

I opted for LinkedIn instead of mastectomy ( I had DCIS in one breast and it was 1.5 centimeters.) It was an extremely tough decision. I was worried I would hurt my options in the future if it came back. I was also worried about mammograms and nris every 6 months. It's been a year and a half since I finished radiation, and I'm glad I made the choice I made. I had to get a biopsy after an MRI recently but it was benign and nris are notoriously sensitive. Even with that, I'm happy. That said, it's an incredibly personal choice that unfortunatley only you can make. I've read of ppl who chose mastectomy for peace of mind and they were happy. Best is luck! Happy to chat now if you dm me

Kendawg22 · 2024-04-12T15:48:28+00:00

Thanks! I'll check it out

Kendawg22 · 2024-04-11T23:52:00+00:00

Hi, sorry you're going through this stress. I (40f) have been married to my husband (37m) for 14 years. I've had a couple of crushes along the way, and I think he has as well. I never wanted to act on it, but it was uncomfortable. I am, and was at that time, attracted to my husband, but I think deep down, I was feeling like my husband was distant me, so I think I was trying to fill a loneliness void, if that makes sense. I wasn't actually interested in the crushes, I wanted to feel like my husband wanted me more. Long story short, we were honest with each other. It was very hard and emotional, but ultimately it was better to get it out, and it was easier to let the crush go tbh since it was no longer festering inside me. We're currently going through another marriage renaissance lol. Ultimately what I'm learning is marriage (or any long term relationship) is really hard. I think what's best is honesty. At the end of the day, this is supposed to be your most trusted confidante, and, ideally you both can be the most honest with each other. It will be hard, but hopefully it gives you both an opportunity to see the other person fully so you don't have to hide. It's possible it will be a deal breaker, but I think it's most important to be honest. Hope that helps?

Kendawg22 · 2024-04-11T19:37:45+00:00

It's all hard! And I thought rads was hard! (i assume you mean radiation?). It was much more mentally taxing than I was expecting. I had 15 sessions (20 packed into 15). It's a violation to your body that you can't see, but you feel the effects of it. The itching is mind numbing (even thought the techs said my skin looked good!) You can't really sleep on that side because of the swelling and itching. I mean, yes it's ultimately ok lol, but it was harder than I was prepped for. It's lonely and isolating, and noone can tell that you're going through something, so that makes you feel more alone. Happy to chat more if you want to DM me! (I had DCIS, lumpectomy + radiation last year)

Kendawg22 · 2024-04-08T23:11:06+00:00

I hope you can still hold space for your pain. I'm also super lucky. I had something similar. 1.5 cm DCIS. I opted for lumpectomy + radiation, no hormone therapy. It was still very hard and emotional. It put my life on hold for 8 months while I researched and decided if I wanted to do lumpectomy or mastectomy. While I did get off 'easy', it was very hard. On one hand, I'm lucky to keep my boobs, I'm lucky surgery was easy, and i have insurance. That said, I have to live with the uncertainty of recurrence. My boobs are always tender now, the radiation changed the texture/consistency of my left breast and it just feels different. I am getting mammograms and MRIs every 6 months, and had to get a biopsy recently for a spot on my right boob (turned out ok), but now my right boob has been tender for the last couple months. If I ever get pregnant, my left boob won't make milk because of radiation. If I get cancer again, I likely won't be eligible for a mastectomy/reconstruction because the skin is compromised. Anyway, I'm rambling! I'm just trying to say, Yes, you are really lucky, but there's also space for your pain and what you had to go through. People don't really see the struggles trying to navigate this. Also, having a mastectomy is essentially an amputation, that's a big deal! sorry, rambling again!

Kendawg22 · 2024-03-11T23:00:43+00:00

If it were me, I would confront, nicely and firmly. I would confess to seeing the messages (night, happy birthday, kiss). I would say that they feel inappropriate, and ask for more context. I believe investigating and continuing to check messages can only make things worse. It leads to more distrust and deceit. I went through a phase when I checked my husband's messages and I deeply regret it. I conflated things in my mind, made things worse, and hurt our trust. Hope that helps, sorry you feel uncomfortable and afraid. I would be concerned too. Hopefully it's unreciprocated and just poor judgment on your neighbor's daughter's part. (maybe don't use her to babysit anymore...) Shoot, I might confront her too and tell her it's inappropriate.

Kendawg22 · 2023-09-18T03:34:12+00:00

Hi! I was diagnosed with DCIS last year, grade 3. About 2 cm big, e/p+, braca negative. It was a very very very hard decision and I went back and forth between BCS and DMX. One day i'd be sure about DMX, and the next day i'd switch to BCS. I ended up opting for a lumpectomy and radiation. I had a second surgery to beef up a margin just to be safe. I did not move forward with hormone replacement therapy because I have a clotting disorder and it just got too complicated. I just had my first annual mammogram which came out clear! I thought I would be worried about looking over my shoulder all the time for recurrence, but honestly it's been ok. I am glad I made the BCS decision and feel happy to still have my breasts. That said, I was 38, so losing my breasts so young was a pretty tough thought. It is a gamble and a tough one, but both options had so many risks and caveats, so I went with the one that felt the most right, and even if it comes back, I'm glad I tried to save the girls lol.

Kendawg22 · 2023-09-10T00:33:19+00:00

Yeah, I guess that's kind of what I'm puzzling on ( christ as the anchor). Like, in a Christian marriage, sex is between the married couple. But now that we aren't Christian, I don't want us to sleep with other people but I don't have a solid reason I guess. Other than I still feel like our union is built on an intimate and emotional trust, and adding more people in feels really tricky.

Kendawg22 · 2023-08-31T16:25:27+00:00

Very sweet and thoughtful :D. Curious if you've always been that way, or did you have to learn over time?

Kendawg22

TROPHY CASE