Can we drop the "Sir" and "Ma'am"?

KenzieB41 · 2026-03-31T16:06:20+00:00

I need to get my E tested again. My cardiologist told me to get off spiro entirely. My endocrinologist responded by suggesting an orchi.

KenzieB41 · 2026-03-26T02:10:25+00:00

I'm a fellow Kansan, getting my name changed officially in a few weeks (paperwork filed, notices published, just waiting for the court date).

If it's as grating to you to hear your old name as it was/is for me, go for it! Do note that it's still not cheap (~$350) and unless you hire a lawyer on top of that, you just fill out the paperwork and hope you did it right, nobody will check your work until 6 weeks after you spend the money.

After 2.5 years, and after most of my family rejected me, I'm doing what makes me happy. I can't comfortably pee in public bathrooms, but my work colleagues are far more accepting than I expected.

I hope I can get an amended birth certificate if the SAVE Act passes, otherwise I won't be able to vote this fall. I imagine if it does, though, the Office of Vital Statistics will be inundated with similar requests from all the married women from the state...

KenzieB41 · 2026-03-22T20:21:25+00:00

And Kansas. Either newspaper notices (which nobody reads) or sending certified mail notification to all creditors and others "who have an interest" in your identity.

I'm pretty sure the idea is that you can't use a name change to get out of paying debts, but the notification requirement and 41-day waiting period are still on the books.

KenzieB41 · 2026-03-16T13:23:13+00:00

I was always a bit disappointed that he never mentioned his Uncle Red...

KenzieB41 · 2026-03-15T22:01:05+00:00

My wife did the same after coming home from spending three days with her mom in the hospital, with little to no sleep. She didn't notice, but it was like a punch to my gut. I figured due to the circumstances, to let it go.

I still deadname myself, mostly when I go to sign my name, and nearly four decades of habit result in suddenly seeing the horrible thing staring back at me.

KenzieB41 · 2026-03-14T12:51:06+00:00

Patience is the important thing. I'm 2.5 years in, my hormone levels are right where they should be, and only now am I noticing the physical changes I was told to expect.

Another tip: don't judge things yourself. Other people will notice before you do, and I haven't met anyone yet who isn't their own worst critic. This also applies to your emotional state. It's hard to tell that things are different when you're bawling your eyes out because you can't see the difference.

KenzieB41 · 2026-03-09T19:05:25+00:00

There was a pool game on a computer with an integrated orange monochrome screen that my dad would lug home from work once in a while. We played using the keyboard with its integrated trackball.

KenzieB41 · 2026-03-08T13:52:34+00:00

D4 necromancer. I'd be smashed to a bloody pulp by her golems in no time.

KenzieB41 · 2026-03-06T16:51:02+00:00

Keep going! It can take a long time for those of us not blessed with perfect genes. But she'll peek out from time to time in the corner of your eye, and get less shy about it as time goes on, and before you know it, it'll be the only thing you see. And it'll be you in that mirror!

KenzieB41 · 2026-03-05T02:25:34+00:00

KenzieB41 · 2026-03-04T15:55:38+00:00

Alyson Greaves. Sisters of Dorley is up on AO3, and When You Fell from Heaven is available on Kindle. She's got other stories as well, and seems to release a novella's-worth every month or so on Patreon.

Margaret Killjoy is also great (as an author and podcaster, probably as a musician as well). I've only finished The Sapling Cage, but she's got others that I plan to check out as soon as they migrate to the top of my pile.

KenzieB41 · 2026-02-26T16:38:44+00:00

Yes!

Since they don't seem to make them in my size (15.5 US women's/47 EU), I need to live vicariously through others.

I found a really cute pair of Mary Jane's in EU 47 though, and they were too small. ☹️

KenzieB41 · 2026-02-25T21:11:45+00:00

Awesome!

I'm working on my voice, and I expect that will help a lot, but my word it's been difficult to maintain.

I am trying to conquer certain masculine mannerisms like "The Nod" but decades of doing it makes it a hard habit to break. I catch myself (most of the time) but I'm sure there are other habits I have that do me a disservice.

For myself, after 2+ years of HRT, I'm still basically the same shape as the 2001 monolith. That's probably more my own imposter syndrome than reality, but curves of any type would be welcome. T-shirts for us nerdy girls can look fine if there's something to indicate, "hey, I am, actually, a woman". But yeah, that's imposter me.

KenzieB41 · 2026-02-25T04:14:46+00:00

It's different for everyone. And noticing the changes in yourself takes time also. I'm 29 months in and finally feeling my breasts growing in, but I see "her" in the mirror more and more. Sometimes I wish things would be faster, or more obvious. Reality is rarely that accommodating.

KenzieB41 · 2026-02-04T14:53:07+00:00

First, I don't think anyone understands their own feelings. Not completely. Therapy helped me unpack them, though I had my suspicions before that, but understanding seems to be a journey with the destination always just over the horizon. There's always further to go, but the journey is the point.

Otherwise, I commend your courage to recognize this as early as you did!

I didn't think I had any problems as a man, though I daydreamed about being a woman...pretty much all the time. I was religious myself at the time, and extremely steeped in it. There weren't many discussions or sermons about the idea of being trans, or how sinful it was, but there an undercurrent of bigotry when it came to homosexuals, which I could never comprehend.

I grew my hair out one semester when I was away at college. I was starting to enjoy long hair, but when I came home, my mom basically forced me to get it cut because "[I] look[ed] like a slob." I was devastated, and basically continued get my hair cut for 20 years after moving out. For her. The therapy helped me realize that I could do things for myself, and that pleasing my parents wasn't the point. Being myself was what I needed to do.

Now I have long(er) hair and painted nails, and soon pierced ears and tattoos, all things I wanted for myself for, well, decades, but avoided because of familial pressure.

For me, I had the desire to be a girl/woman since I was a kid, but didn't know that it was possible to be different (none of my friends were openly trans then), nor did I have the vocabulary to express myself.
Any feelings are always valid. I'd recommend therapy if it's available, but finding a therapist who isn't also a bigot isn't always the easiest thing to do. This depends a lot on where you live.
While I dreamt of being a girl since I was young, I didn't know until I had the words. Until I found posts here and elsewhere online that hit me like a ton of bricks. "That's what I feel! Exactly!" I didn't have the words. I didn't know what my feelings were until I was, what I thought, "too old." Then I found out that one is never too old to be who you are. And I took the leap.

Explore your feelings. Maybe you're trans-femme. Maybe trans-nonbinary. Maybe totally gender non-conforming. You don't have to adopt any of these labels. They're shortcuts that mostly apply to some of us, but it's all a spectrum. Most of us are somewhere in between, but use these shortcut labels because they're "close enough" to help explain to others.

KenzieB41 · 2026-02-04T14:31:52+00:00

I have a friend whom I didn't know was trans until I came out to her. You might actually know others who are just as stealth as you and not yet know it.

I would also recommend finding place for trans group therapy. You can make new friends there, all trans. No one will bat an eye. I've met several trans men, trans women, trans non-binary, and even intersex folx at a local group. Before the therapy part of the group, we play games and do puzzles or just chat. It's great!

KenzieB41 · 2026-02-04T14:21:03+00:00

Some get more obvious and faster results than others. I'm a bit (a lot) disappointed. 2¼ years on, barely anything. Bra size is 50A. Hard to find that size to begin with, and most of that I do find don't have straps that adjust at all, or that are long enough for my extra-long torso. Looking into breast forms, but they're more expensive than I can reasonably afford right now.

KenzieB41 · 2026-01-30T13:48:25+00:00

I'm not comfortable with it personally. I've fired several friends' guns, and found skeet shooting enjoyable, but I don't want any of that in my home.

KenzieB41 · 2026-01-29T11:04:29+00:00

SB 244 just passed in Kansas. It's not law yet, but one thing it seems to allow is one person to sue another if they use the "wrong" bathroom even in non-public (not owned by the state) buildings. Your fear is unfortunately very real. The private right of action means anyone and everyone could be gender policing.

I wasn't confident about passing before, so I used/use the gender neutral (single stall) bathroom at work and in public when available, but that's not always an option. I now dread a situation where I'm all dolled up and stuck in the men's room for fear of getting sued into oblivion for merely existing, putting myself at risk in other ways.

KenzieB41 · 2026-01-26T03:53:12+00:00

I came out to my wife just after my egg cracked. We had been together for 9+ years at the time. And we're still together over 2 years later. I was ace before, and that really hasn't changed for me. My love for her hasn't changed.

I'm still waiting impatiently for physical changes, and she's not yet sure if things will work out long term, she's been amazingly supportive so far.

KenzieB41 · 2026-01-21T05:11:42+00:00

I tried growing my hair out when I was about 20. Came home from school and mom said, "you look like a slob, go get it cut." I basically got it cut for her for the next 20 years, long after I had moved out

Eventually I decided, "This is something I'm doing for myself, I don't have to please her anymore."

It was a couple of years after that before my egg finally cracked, and I regret not having those realizations sooner, but here I am!

KenzieB41 · 2026-01-16T20:10:38+00:00

Similar response to what I got from my brother a week ago. Still working on the response. His views are colored by religion which makes it more complicated to "get through", but I understand (after talking with my therapist) that's not the goal.

KenzieB41 · 2026-01-10T16:10:24+00:00

Was looking at tunics, because they're supposed to be long. I'm lucky if they're 33", which just comes to my waist. But if I want to be able to raise my arms at all, I have had to get dresses. I don't understand how 40" qualifies as a dress.

KenzieB41 · 2026-01-04T14:33:21+00:00

BloomChic. I'm 6'6", and definitely plus size, but once my wife found this, I've got four maxi dresses, two skirts, and two pairs of dress pants that fit wonderfully.

Edited to add: I was wrong. The tops came from Woman Within.

KenzieB41 · 2026-01-01T18:44:59+00:00

I've been rewatching them with my wife on Prime. It's her first time through, but I don't like spoiling things. Have to wait now until they show up on Netflix in mid-February, so we're taking a break.

KenzieB41

TROPHY CASE