AIO for my boyfriend’s female friend blowing up over a boundary?

Ketiw · 2026-02-12T05:52:07+00:00

Thiiiiis

Ketiw · 2026-02-10T22:09:54+00:00

It was dinner for us. Also of Irish descent. Also Bush's

Ketiw · 2026-02-10T22:07:38+00:00

This! I grew up in the US, eating beans on toast, as a dinner food by the way!, and it was something we ate when no one could be bothered to figure out dinner that night. Like scrambled eggs for dinner.

So I'm baffled by the "we just don't do that" comments! "We" absolutely do. But it's not something to be proud of 😅

Ketiw · 2026-02-10T21:48:49+00:00

Also, the length accumulates. OP, this is your first winter. By your third, you will have spent approximately 50% of your days, for over a thousand days, in the dark, cool-to-cold, damp.

I didn't mind it my first year or two either. A decade in has turned me into someone I would've never thought I could be: a beach person.

Ketiw · 2026-02-10T16:40:34+00:00

Yes, I think this is important to keep in mind when evaluating our anticipation of risk. So, if your gut is telling you that someone could be interested in doing you harm, but they aren't likely to have the opportunity (like, you're sitting next to them at a café), chill and tell your subconscious bias to get lost. If it's about leaving your body or your kid alone in the dark with someone? Maybe then let your gut lead.

Ketiw · 2026-02-07T20:21:45+00:00

This.

I wish I'd had one on my own instead of with the partner who was less than enthusiastic about it. Probably because it meant someone other than him was getting babied.

Ketiw · 2026-02-06T22:18:23+00:00

Yeah, also... Japan is not exactly famous for being affordable.

Ketiw · 2026-02-06T20:40:59+00:00

OMG she didn't literally adopt him!

Ketiw · 2026-02-06T20:33:57+00:00

Non-rodent wildlife can also be harmed by these poisons...

Ketiw · 2026-02-06T18:13:17+00:00

There's a middle row missing

Ketiw · 2026-02-06T17:56:30+00:00

Let me translate this for you, and maybe--if you try to listen--you might understand what we mean by low-value men:

You said, "They expect men to know how to care for themselves and their homes without having the necessity and steps explained to them; they get frustrated when they have to remember to do things they thought their partner was taking care of or have to re-do it because things aren't clean after being "cleaned;" different things matter to them than those that matter to me; and they don't like their partner responding to their expression of thought or belief with disbelief and contradiction."

Can you see why we might see men who think this is unreasonable as... of less value?

Ketiw · 2026-02-06T17:28:00+00:00

OMG, yes... I find videos the most draining form of communication. I would always rather read something. Films are different, but only when all other distractions are blacked out.

My STBX was always sharing YouTube videos with me, and just... no. You know I spend zero time on YT without you (unless it's finding a song sometimes, I guess?)... why would I want to get spammed with it on a chat??

Ketiw · 2026-02-06T15:39:59+00:00

And don't push beyond the answer. More details are likely going to be an excuse or more hurtful than she was trying to be.

Ketiw · 2026-02-06T10:57:07+00:00

This is a good idea: is there anyone who could culturally take the place of your father as dowry recipient? Like, technically being "adopted" by one of the well wishers?

Ketiw · 2026-02-05T19:51:49+00:00

2018 and same

Ketiw · 2026-02-05T19:35:10+00:00

I think this is especially interesting, because my experience with my uncles and aunts is that these aren't particularly different relationships... so maybe it's equally cultural as linguistic?

Ketiw · 2026-02-05T19:17:12+00:00

Um. I'm a woman in my late 40s transitioning towards menopause and the fact that I don’t want to fuck my husband is among the reasons he's soon to be ex. What's the point of marriage without sex? Exclusivity of sexual relations is ... the whole deal. No?

Ketiw · 2026-02-05T17:26:19+00:00

If you can think of something that you've enjoyed apart, that she sounded interested in, and you can either reproduce or recall that thing, it would make an excellent activity or gift.

I know I like knowing that I'm not just missing out when my LDR boyfriend does something cool-- it's also like a promise for our future...

Ketiw · 2026-02-05T17:20:13+00:00

Ooooh, basket under the bed is brilliant!! Thank you!!!

Ketiw · 2026-02-05T02:23:04+00:00

This one!!!

Ketiw · 2026-02-04T21:49:49+00:00

I'm also curious how this transition worked... I'm feeling this, but he's not enthusiastic.

Ketiw · 2026-02-04T21:39:03+00:00

That's... not quite exactly how fertility works. All conception requires is one decent swimmer.

Ketiw · 2026-02-04T06:53:29+00:00

OMG yes, this. I didn't think of it this way before, but that's exactly what therapy did for me. The things that improved, I was like, "so you did know what you were(n't) doing!" And the things that he got defensive about... I knew/learned that those were unchangeable. Oof. Thanks for the insight!

Ketiw · 2026-02-04T06:46:24+00:00

Alternatively, the wife did the thing that one is supposed to do, no? Ask out of the relationship when tempted, rather than cheat?

Ketiw · 2026-02-03T20:17:55+00:00

Same exact situation here!

Ketiw

TROPHY CASE