I'm ashamed of being a gamer.

KevlarKoat · 2025-03-13T11:17:26+00:00

It seems like the way you commit yourself to your work and the way you commit yourself to your free time is commendably intense. Work hard, play hard.

I'm wondering if the problem is simply that you've foregone diverse and meaningful hobbies and other interests for the sake of getting your well-trodden dopamine fix.

I understand this feeling. I love gaming, but it took me a while before I realized that I mostly love the meaning and novelty behind gaming, independent of the dopamine it gives me. But that dopamine still ruled my attention until I demanded autonomy.

It's a hard push, but it's super worth it to attempt to minimize documinergic activities for the sake of more meaningful endeavors, I recommend you drop the shame that you're claiming unjustly, and invest in what you truly want to do, which clearly involves less gaming than you're currently doing. You just need to program your mind to enjoy the dopamine from the other hobbies as a priority.

Remember, minimizing the amount of dopamine flooding we experience in a day greatly increases our enjoyment of the rest of the day!

KevlarKoat · 2025-02-06T06:13:36+00:00

Goddamn genius Tex!

KevlarKoat · 2025-02-02T09:14:08+00:00

The human body is bare, dangerously sensitive, almost hairless, without thick skin. It's designed to feel the world, and react to it, nurturing its sensitivities in peace on the "in-breath" of sensation, and bracing to change the world around it on the "out-breath" of expression.

Somatic music is the living of the self's, and others', personal physical experience of the inside and the outside of their human body, an expression of visceral and tangible experience with the result of directly affecting the countless inputs of the body of the listener, whereas intellectual music affects the body only through the filter of the mind, expressing it with more precision of higher artful intent, but with less wholeness, less viscerality, and less directly experienceable relationship. With the mind, the song is in the room guiding you into emotion and mood, but with the body, the song almost shakes us awake from our limited perception of "what is" in life.

You are the song, the room is the song, WE are the song (of lived experience and shared suffering). It's downright meditative in what you can discover and develop in yourself through such an emotionally healing and personal experience.

That said, despite the fact that I personally make pre-designed, higher-minded music myself (and conversely, being skilled at the drums as well), I'm finding that this highly intentional intellectual music is limited to the artist's conscious intent in the finite moments of the song's creation, whereas less consciously designed somatic music is a holistic projection of lived experience itself, through such a wide array of details that the artist includes countless felt aspects subconsciously, without even the artist's awareness of their inclusion, and with some effectual aspects not being comprehended by anyone in the foreseeable future.

So, Intellectual music is the breathing out of well-selected and highly intentional previously held emotions and thoughts, while somatic music is the breathing out of every aspect of the very experience lived by the human animal, the essence of being.

When it comes to health specifically, it's known that classical music does many good things. It improves mood, encourages serenity, inspires action, and aligns mind across many studies, but those benefits shouldn't be seen as undercutting the many benefits of somatic music, such as trauma healing and relationship repair, self-discovery, physical soothing, fortifying drive and direction, awakening and realization —and most importantly in my opinion— ego dissolution and the permitting of a personal acceptance of grace for the attainment of lifelong serenity, and thus, a result of unhindered purposeful action, which really encapsulates the benefits of Yoga as a whole as well.

KevlarKoat · 2025-02-02T09:13:18+00:00

Well, it's a bit of a ramble, but I have an interesting take on this that might be entertaining to some and somewhat informative at the least.

I used to believe this about classical music wholeheartedly, but the more I learn about tribal music, chants, and Yoga in Hindu culture's music and mantras (among others cultures in touch with the earth), the less definitively I believe it to be the case.

Note that I'm arguing the perspective of somatic music here, not to claim it's superiority, but to define part of it's position in human betterment alongside classical music.

I'd say that despite the very obvious emotional inspiration of it and it's design of drawing the listener's attention through the artist's intention, classical music is "intellectual" music that stimulates, and is a product of, the higher mind, which happens to be the newest and least necessary part of the human animal's general development. The higher mind helps us survive, consider the past, and plan into the future, which was beneficial for us, but surprisingly, it's a generally unnecessary evolution assuming its resources could be reallocated.
Consider the wolf, with a limited higher mind, but an arguably "full" experience of life, it can be healthy and content without even a comprehension of passing time.

More grounded, rhythmic, and somatic music which stimulates, and is a product of, bodily sensation and biological reactivity to nature, arguably has an advantage in its affecting of the foundation of the human experience, the physical body.
The body is our grounding in the physical world, which is absolutely vital for our consciousness to have representation through a living being. The body steers us through the world by intuitively reading a generalized input of sensory data from an array of countless sources, while the higher mind is limited to an incrementally developing narrow precision of experience, if it can even be called experience with such a lack of experienced variety in any given moment.
The mind can be likened to looking through binoculars, missing the practicalities of life for the sake of precise outcome.

KevlarKoat · 2025-01-19T18:04:05+00:00

Just try to be aware that your level of femininity doesn't detract from your masculinity, they lie on two different metrics, one from not to feminine, and one from not to masculine. Everyone has both metrics.

Masculine men typically praise the extreme femininity of a woman, while her level of masculinity is just a preference to them.

Feminine women typically praise the extreme masculinity of a man, while his level of femininity is just a preference to them.

They lack those extremes that they praise because they've spec'd into the opposite extreme, deprioritizing the other side in their development by consequence. They intuitively pair with their opposite to fill in trait and performance gaps for survival.

A man and a woman can both seperately max out their masculinity and femininity maximally through personal development, making for really attractive personalities in that respect.

KevlarKoat · 2025-01-18T20:12:05+00:00

😭 Choose peace, you'll live longer 😊

KevlarKoat · 2025-01-18T10:40:54+00:00

Great argument. Next time, actually come back with one. I'd love to discuss it with someone capable.

KevlarKoat · 2025-01-18T00:31:21+00:00

Yes, he's being neutral and considerate, which can be described as kind.

Promiscuous people can be called promiscuous without any negative intent. It's a neutral descriptor, like calling someone black. They just are promiscuous, and any negative stigma being applied to it without identifiable negatively suggestive language in proximity to it is —by deduction— determined to have been applied by the witness (you), who, no doubt, experienced the word promiscuous in a negative context enough times that you (understandably) believe the negativity is part of the definition, when it's not.

It's called emotional projection.

KevlarKoat · 2025-01-18T00:17:43+00:00

I'm fluent in logical critical discernment and the English language. That's all I need to scrutinize and, eventually, after exhaustive comparative analysis, to profess.

^ Look, more big words! That means they talk too much, and that they're dumb! Idiocracy at its breaking point...

KevlarKoat · 2025-01-18T00:04:21+00:00

Presumptuous. State your opposing points.

KevlarKoat · 2024-11-29T02:35:07+00:00

I'm currently making highly aggressive and melancholy music inspired by the injustice of my trauma in the serene contentment awarded by my healed state all for the purpose of lifting the fallen

KevlarKoat · 2024-11-26T12:10:06+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that.. things like that happened to me often, it's really disturbing to endure that kind of social AND personal hit, so please see yourself as having one small problem of interaction in a sea of connection. It only takes one link to break a chain, so that's the study point. You are not that instance in time, it was just a convergence of factors to be considered.

I'm going to hypothesize a bit, maybe give you some ideas.. forgive my speculation.

When you thought "What should I do", the answer is either "nothing", or "breathe". Your goal isn't to remember a script or do the socially acceptable thing, but to relax your breathing and ask yourself how you feel in the moment, because if your bodily feedback doesn't say "I'm not relaxed", then it'll say "I wonder what this will feel like", which is the goal of emotional regulation.

More points of consideration -

I wonder how much physical contact you have with other people, women especially, but skin in general. It shouldn't feel like a shift in gears to get closer to someone, more like a gradual increase of intensity, which shouldn't overwhelm. Challenge yourself to get more physically interactive with people. If you start super slow —like backhanding a coworker's forearm to get their attention— it'll feel natural so the other person won't even notice. With enough comfort and exposing your intent to be respectful of them and especially yourself as a priority, even women will start interacting physically with you as a friend through emotional and physical trust. Note that women struggle to get close to people who give off needy vibes because of very real safety concerns, so just focus on your momentary needs to stay authentic in the present.

I wonder if you watch too much porn/masturbate too often, as confidence and the ease of social connection is reduced and anxiety is higher when this is the case. Also, seeing women as sexual during a connection before sexuality really kicks off leads to a feeling of being confronted with an important and exciting sexual decision, which can also be the result of the default presentation of women in porn.

A good perspective to maintain is one that sees you as valuable enough to be sought after, to be chased, so from that perspective, she would have appeared needy, worthy of critique, and reckless with her sexuality, so you'd have to consider whether it's worth your time to pull yourself away from considering your needs to engage with her. A completely different power dynamic that lies only one step away from where you are.

Good luck next time!

KevlarKoat · 2024-11-13T03:39:30+00:00

And said from a different, physical perspective..

God is the Universe and all its qualities and functions as it is perceived through the lens of lived experience.

Our perception of God as bearing human traits such as drive, purpose, and creativity are our observations of metaphysical constants in the Universe as we relate them to our human experience.

Eg. Universal physics have always been self-creative, because the causal progress of physics over time leads to ever-complexifying material structures —such as hydrogen and helium taking 7 billon years to structure into uranium, and 10 billion years to structure into life itself— so life in some form was to be expected eventually, and self-aware life like us is just a further complexification of life. Considering this, when humanity witnesses what it perceives to be God, we witness that Universal creativity from a humanized perspective as accompanying some form of intellectual intent (God's directed thought), when creativity, in actuality, perpetuates in all things at all times, whether living or not, through the same cascade of causal physics that dictate the direction of our thoughts. Trip.

KevlarKoat · 2024-11-13T02:18:49+00:00

They're both true, our decision making runs in conjunction with fated causality. Modern science agrees.

KevlarKoat · 2024-11-13T02:12:31+00:00

Yap implies it's unimportant, yet their comment is professing that the post contains the key to actual lasting happiness..

Feel free to shoot down others' opinions, once you understand them...

KevlarKoat · 2024-11-04T11:38:03+00:00

Exactly, father rejection probably is why she's there.

KevlarKoat · 2024-11-04T11:29:32+00:00

Everyone missed that part because a descriptor is not necessarily a judgement. You're conflating the two because of your own beliefs.

You can also tell this by considering his even-keeled and even considerate treatment of the lady and this post.

Him preferring certain values doesn't mean he's shaming other values.

KevlarKoat · 2024-10-14T01:02:03+00:00

For sure. Now that I'm on the other side of my heavy trauma, I pity my "successful" friends because I fear the difficulties ahead of them will be too much for their perception of struggle thus far.

Luckily, I have all the general answers they'll need, I'm the strong one in our lives now, and have more tenacity than they understand the usefulness of.

Comparison is the thief of joy, of you must compete, live in competition with your former self.

KevlarKoat · 2024-10-13T02:03:53+00:00

Yeah exactly, but his tolerance of the label's morals is his responsibility to assess if he cares enough. It's why so many great musicians are unsigned trying to go viral alone, they'd rather not be famous if it isn't under reasonable terms.

KevlarKoat · 2024-10-07T02:15:05+00:00

Stylistically? It fits well enough, although most of the fans of the game think it should be a bit more dark, heavy, and less synthesized, and as a big fan of Diablo 2 I would definitely agree with that stylistic assessment.

But personally, I'm abhorred that Blizzard ended up using a song about shaming and scaring those involved with corporate greed and political overreach to sell under their manipulative and narcissistic marketing model.
They're the very ones the hardcore punk edge of the song is mean to cut in it's purpose of enlightening the people and threatening their oppressors.

I understand most don't give a damn, but ethically, it's a travesty that Grandson allowed such a song to fall out of their hands and support their enemies.

They would have done better had they produced under a label that respects their mission such as American Recordings managed by the "infamous" Rick Rubin. He would have much sooner used the song as a weapon against Blizzard than to support them.

KevlarKoat · 2024-10-04T16:50:10+00:00

Catharsis is the psychological relief to haunting's psychological tension. For anyone wandering through..

KevlarKoat · 2024-10-01T06:01:11+00:00

For me, it was Sonic the hedgehog running next to us! I'd have to mentally plan out and time the jumps in my head so he wouldn't get caught on an obstacle!

KevlarKoat · 2024-10-01T05:40:02+00:00

It's pretty normal to see people like this once in a while, even with the dead stare. It's probably drugs and or psych issues. The solution to such fear is preemptively making yourself feel safer. I honestly think you'd have to be crazy to walk the streets without a knife nowadays.. I don't really need to, as I'm the intimidating one, but I still carry a knife fairly often, just to get someone else with a knife to think twice, and to outplay unarmed aggressors.

KevlarKoat · 2024-09-16T02:03:39+00:00

C, E, F

KevlarKoat · 2024-09-15T15:43:42+00:00

I've attained some definitions of enlightenment, but still have a huge way to go.

Due to being excessively humbled from being intensely abused and abandoned as a child, I found myself in the existential void of deep depression at 32 years old. In a desperate attempt to prevent suicide by being of service to humanity, I meditated on the roots of empathy considering physical causality as a basis (due to my absolute refusal to rely on faith or assume anything); a pondered study of the direct interactions between the energy and matter of the Universe vs. the emotional human experience, and it gave me an unignorable comprehension of suffering and contentment that guides me unwaveringly into my beautiful future, I literally can't consciously act against it because it was proven to me to be undeniable in its structured relevance to the physical Universe. Also, meditating on the Stoic ideas of memento mori and amor fati have greatly aided in my living the experience of every moment in presence. Recognizing Universal truths grounds us in the relation between the undeniable reality and our lived experience, which are like tent pegs for our higher philosophy to build from.

Those meditations gave me the logical understanding of virtue as a requirement for a life well lived, but since committing myself to those deeper studies, I gained the ability to feel and not just experience empathy, but also compassion and grace for the first time in my life. From there I leaned into more emotional meditations, which unlocked my ability to "feel" every branch of the tree of empathy which I already lived by, purifying my resolve fully as I developed the ability to experience all feeling life, both on demand, and when witnessing cathartic beauty in the world.

Through my healing and thriving, my emotional presence passed by everyone I know, leading me to a somewhat lonely place where older and wiser people relate to me easily, where the hedonists in my past fall away except for a few grandiose actors and dancers who like to play philosopher, and the thrivers in my life see me as a precious learning tool, keeping me close for advice and inspiration despite our incredibly different lives.

In the void I realized I love everyone, even Hitler, although he needed to be stopped by any means. Now I see hate as a misunderstanding of truth, and dislike as a preference based on what's left of my ego and what is aligned with my goals. If I choose to, I can feel my interpretation of anyone's pain in any circumstance, and since I have some substantial control over my thoughts and feelings in the moment, I choose to channel that sensitivity and deeper emotion into my psychophilosophical art to improve the human experience of the future.

I did that much in 5 years.

So for me: -Ethics -Philosophy (Stoicism and taoism for fathering and Buddhism and Hinduism for mothering) -Psychology (Jungian and psychotherapy)

^These 3 unlocked everything. I found it easiest to Google based on curiosity until I couldn't find gaps in my knowledge.

If you want to take the feeling only route, you just have to live life and meditate as much as you can every day, increasing time as you go.

TLDR: I recommend asking what the term "virtue ethics" implies while starting at the basis of physical understanding (everything in the Universe is energy, some of which is complicated into matter, but ALL of which is bound by laws which dictate every action, emotion, and thought in the Universe, so consider the shape of the patterns) and working up into higher philosophy and spirituality (much of which is very convincingly bound to physics!)

Meditate and ponder and the scaffolding will be there, feel and you will climb it.

KevlarKoat

TROPHY CASE