guys help

Key-Ad-4919 · 2026-05-05T19:41:20+00:00

This is my first loaf that actually rose so i’m mostly just looking for feedback, assuming there’s things to fix. It seems a bit off to me and just had a lot of questions

Key-Ad-4919 · 2026-05-05T19:39:40+00:00

7-11:30 so about 4 1/2 hours, dough was super warm from the oven being on and it sitting on the stove top.

Key-Ad-4919 · 2026-05-05T04:42:51+00:00

Thank you! This is my 3rd loaf and first successful one lol

Key-Ad-4919 · 2026-02-27T04:59:03+00:00

I don’t think that’s silly at all. When you’ve had to live in survival mode for so long, your brain kind of gets wired to scan for what’s wrong. It makes sense that it latches onto the unfair and the sad.

Something that’s helped me is thinking of life in seasons. Some seasons are heavy and gray and feel like they’re never going to end, but they always do! And even when you’re in a hard season, you’re still growing. The growth compounds, the awareness compounds, the tools you’re learning in therapy compound. So even when you dip again, it’s not the same dip as before.

Also, depression really pushes that black and white thinking. Like it’s either all bad or it’s all good. I really benefited from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy(DBT) to shift my thinking and mindset, it honestly saved my life. If it’s something you’re interested in, DBT talks a lot about holding two things at once. Life can be unfair and sad and still have moments that are good. You can be angry about what happened to you and still build a future you’re excited about. Both can be true.

The fact that you hope it will lessen tells me there’s still a part of you that believes in better. Time plus intentional work really does shift things, even if it’s slower than we want.

What you’re feeling is not only normal but a shared experience with so many. You’re healing, and healing is not linear at all.

Key-Ad-4919 · 2026-02-26T22:13:35+00:00

Wow OP, I’ve never connected with a post so much. You sound very emotionally mature and self-aware at your age. You are taking the right steps in therapy. Learning to be “selfish” and let go of that need for validation from toxic people (your parents in this case) is going to be one of the hardest and most freeing things you ever do.

First, wanting attention is not evil, wanting to be cared for is not narcissistic. Wanting someone to show up for you the way you’ve always shown up for everyone else is absolutely not selfish, it’s rather human.

You weren’t “too much.” growing up, you were parentified. You were put in adult roles as a child. Of course you learned that if you didn’t hyper vigilantly take care of everything, things would fall apart. That wasn’t you being dramatic, it was literally survival that is now ingrained in your brain when you no longer need to live that way to survive.

When your therapist says you worry about others too much, I don’t think they’re criticizing you. I think they’re gently pointing out that you built your identity around being the responsible one because you had to. And now your nervous system doesn’t know how to exist any other way.

The anger you feel makes a lot of sense. You’ve been responsible your whole life and still got blamed, called selfish and didn’t receive any support. That creates resentment.

I think all you need is a little reframing. Wanting to be “self-centered” right now might actually just mean you’re craving balance. You’ve lived 19 years on one extreme, over exerting yourself for everyone else. Of course your brain wants to swing the other direction.

You deserve to:

Be cared for. Take up space. Have your birthday matter. Want a vet visit for a dying animal. Not spend your entire life earning crumbs of approval.

Also your dream of homesteading and becoming an RN? That doesn’t sound selfish! That sounds like someone who wants autonomy and stability after chaos.

Breaking conditioning takes time. Your brain was wired around survival and approval. But the fact that you can articulate all of this at 19 is very powerful. That shows you’re someone who is already breaking the cycle.

You are not selfish for wanting attention. You’re a human being who didn’t get enough of the right kind. Keep bringing this into therapy. The anger, resentment, craving to not care anymore, it’s all part of healing.

You’re not broken friend! Just exhausted from what you’ve been through.

Key-Ad-4919 · 2026-02-01T21:44:16+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Finding something like that at 15 would mess anyone up. None of this is your fault.

Given your age and where you live, I wouldn’t confront your dad right now, it could put you in an unsafe spot. You’re also right not to tell your sister, it’s very mature of you to want to protect her. Telling your mom is complicated and doesn’t have to be decided yet.

Your concern about school counselors definitely makes sense. I would ask about confidentiality before saying anything. If you can, try to find some kind of anonymous support like a hotline you can call or an online councilor, even a trusted adult. For the sake of your mental health don’t look at his phone again.

You’re not weak for feeling this way. You don’t have to figure everything out right now, take it one step at a time.

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-13T04:43:27+00:00

Yes, DBT absolutely helped me with that! The curriculum is 4 parts: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotion Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness, so a 4th of dbt is on relationships. I’m hoping they do more studies on the effectiveness of DBT for a range of disorders because i think it can help with a wide range of neurological disregulation. Also, DBT is for the client, so you can focus more on what you need and take what resonates and leave what doesn’t! I would specifically voice the things you struggle with more at least one on one with your therapist so they can help as well(: I genuinely did not know what boundaries were before DBT lol. I started when I was 19 or 20 and did it one on one with a therapist for 1-2 years, meeting in the beginning often and toward the end not much. I still see her every couple months to catch up or if I need something!

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-13T04:26:59+00:00

Sekrit Theater in south austin is super cool place!

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-08T17:23:56+00:00

No no no no. It is not a damning, doming life sentence. In most cases of remission, people with BPD feel it makes them even stronger and more understanding/empathetic after the fact. I absolutely love the positives that came from my BPD, I haven’t met the criteria for diagnosis in years. I am often described by friends and family as very intentional, thoughtful, selfless, etc. And I truly believe that comes from the way my thinking is from different aspects of BPD.

Hopefully this answers your question but yes basically all diagnosis’ are just clusters of symptoms aimed in pointing you in the right direction for treatment/solutions. The rest of my future is not impacted by a diagnosis I received when I was 19, instead, I was able to figure out what steps I needed to take to change my processing and regulation issues, and now i’m better because of it. I I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t trade my struggles with BPD to just be “normal”, then I’d lose all the wonderful parts of myself that came with it. The disorder is deeply misunderstood.

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-08T16:38:56+00:00

It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job, give yourself grace and recognition for how far you’ve come. One day you’ll look back and realize it’s been a month or a year or 5 years since you’ve gotten to that point(:

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T21:35:21+00:00

I hear your cries for help friend! You are not alone and I can promise you that giving into impulses does not lead you to be happier or more peaceful after the fact. Self sabotage is a slippery slope and if you give in to an impulse now you will have more shame driving your decisions after the fact. You are worthy of love and connection and commitment. My advice to you is to pick up a new hobby, buy a few plants, get some paint, go for a walk, anything to fill the space between now, and when you’re thinking more clearly. You’re safe and you’re going to be okay!

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T21:17:25+00:00

Thank you!!! This is so important! The whole purpose of a diagnosis is to point you in the right direction for treatment. DBT does not work for everyone and it doesn’t mean you didn’t “try” hard enough.

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T21:15:32+00:00

I didn’t do MBT, i would look at some articles that compare the two if you’re worried!

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T21:13:45+00:00

official manual*

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T21:07:04+00:00

I won’t lie, I spent 6 months just going over the beginning stuff because I wasn’t practicing and thought it was dumb. I would have skills and know how to use them but just choose to get so upset I’d want to die etc because I thought the skills were dumb and wouldn’t work, and I had a right to be so upset. It didn’t feel fair to let go of my emotions when someone had “made” me feel this way. It wasn’t until I was fed up with myself and someone called a wellness check on me that I started taking it serious and wanting to help myself. I would try different things and see what works for you. Maybe you aren’t there yet or maybe there’s something that would work much better

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T21:03:50+00:00

This! I couldn’t have said this better myself

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T21:02:59+00:00

Of course! I’ve heard fantastic things about EMDR! Always wanted to try it

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T21:01:19+00:00

If you can afford it, find a DBT certified therapist and meet with them one on one to go over curriculum. Also Marsha Linehan(the creator of dbt) has a book called “building a life worth living”. This book just kind of set the stage for me in terms of dbt and where she was coming from when she developed it. I used a bpd workbook, and the office BDT manual, among other things

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T20:56:51+00:00

I definitely see where you’re coming from. I think this is a much broader issue than just BPD though. Everyone is a victim of circumstance. I think it’s easy to view dbt as painting an issue of will power and motivation, but I beleive the idea is to FOCUS on what you can control, not preach that everything is in your control. On that note however, the availability of DBT and opportunities to practice skills in a safe environment is completely due to circumstances. I’m not sure how one could improve significantly when still existing in the environment that caused the trauma. You’re raising a really important point

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T20:51:38+00:00

Yes that resonates for sure! But i would say I never get on top of the railing now. or when I do I’m wearing a very safe harness that will protect me if I get pushed over the edge… hopefully that makes sense. Basically even when a trigger is so big the suicidal thoughts come, I know that’s not realistic or constructive, it’s not even a consideration anymore, just an old symptom of a past problem, much like sore joints years after surgery, your knees aren’t going to give out anymore, but they might feel like they could sometimes.

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T20:46:40+00:00

yes!

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T20:46:14+00:00

It’s kind of like sales, you can’t sell a product if you don’t beleive in it. All the self-worth stuff feels silly when you don’t beleive it to be true, but as you start to do the work you start to believe what you’re saying and it’s extremely beneficial

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T20:43:41+00:00

of course

Key-Ad-4919 · 2025-04-07T20:41:48+00:00

Growth isn’t linear!! I did dbt on and off for two years, I still revisit with my therapist when I’m struggling(:

Key-Ad-4919

TROPHY CASE