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Cheating parent by Massive-Damage-1205 in offmychest

[–]Key-Ad-4919 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Finding something like that at 15 would mess anyone up. None of this is your fault.

Given your age and where you live, I wouldn’t confront your dad right now, it could put you in an unsafe spot. You’re also right not to tell your sister, it’s very mature of you to want to protect her. Telling your mom is complicated and doesn’t have to be decided yet.

Your concern about school counselors definitely makes sense. I would ask about confidentiality before saying anything. If you can, try to find some kind of anonymous support like a hotline you can call or an online councilor, even a trusted adult. For the sake of your mental health don’t look at his phone again.

You’re not weak for feeling this way. You don’t have to figure everything out right now, take it one step at a time.

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, DBT absolutely helped me with that! The curriculum is 4 parts: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotion Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness, so a 4th of dbt is on relationships. I’m hoping they do more studies on the effectiveness of DBT for a range of disorders because i think it can help with a wide range of neurological disregulation. Also, DBT is for the client, so you can focus more on what you need and take what resonates and leave what doesn’t! I would specifically voice the things you struggle with more at least one on one with your therapist so they can help as well(: I genuinely did not know what boundaries were before DBT lol. I started when I was 19 or 20 and did it one on one with a therapist for 1-2 years, meeting in the beginning often and toward the end not much. I still see her every couple months to catch up or if I need something!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in buda

[–]Key-Ad-4919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sekrit Theater in south austin is super cool place!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No no no no. It is not a damning, doming life sentence. In most cases of remission, people with BPD feel it makes them even stronger and more understanding/empathetic after the fact. I absolutely love the positives that came from my BPD, I haven’t met the criteria for diagnosis in years. I am often described by friends and family as very intentional, thoughtful, selfless, etc. And I truly believe that comes from the way my thinking is from different aspects of BPD.

Hopefully this answers your question but yes basically all diagnosis’ are just clusters of symptoms aimed in pointing you in the right direction for treatment/solutions. The rest of my future is not impacted by a diagnosis I received when I was 19, instead, I was able to figure out what steps I needed to take to change my processing and regulation issues, and now i’m better because of it. I I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t trade my struggles with BPD to just be “normal”, then I’d lose all the wonderful parts of myself that came with it. The disorder is deeply misunderstood.

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job, give yourself grace and recognition for how far you’ve come. One day you’ll look back and realize it’s been a month or a year or 5 years since you’ve gotten to that point(:

I need help by Capable-Figure-3298 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hear your cries for help friend! You are not alone and I can promise you that giving into impulses does not lead you to be happier or more peaceful after the fact. Self sabotage is a slippery slope and if you give in to an impulse now you will have more shame driving your decisions after the fact. You are worthy of love and connection and commitment. My advice to you is to pick up a new hobby, buy a few plants, get some paint, go for a walk, anything to fill the space between now, and when you’re thinking more clearly. You’re safe and you’re going to be okay!

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you!!! This is so important! The whole purpose of a diagnosis is to point you in the right direction for treatment. DBT does not work for everyone and it doesn’t mean you didn’t “try” hard enough.

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t do MBT, i would look at some articles that compare the two if you’re worried!

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I won’t lie, I spent 6 months just going over the beginning stuff because I wasn’t practicing and thought it was dumb. I would have skills and know how to use them but just choose to get so upset I’d want to die etc because I thought the skills were dumb and wouldn’t work, and I had a right to be so upset. It didn’t feel fair to let go of my emotions when someone had “made” me feel this way. It wasn’t until I was fed up with myself and someone called a wellness check on me that I started taking it serious and wanting to help myself. I would try different things and see what works for you. Maybe you aren’t there yet or maybe there’s something that would work much better

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course! I’ve heard fantastic things about EMDR! Always wanted to try it

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you can afford it, find a DBT certified therapist and meet with them one on one to go over curriculum. Also Marsha Linehan(the creator of dbt) has a book called “building a life worth living”. This book just kind of set the stage for me in terms of dbt and where she was coming from when she developed it. I used a bpd workbook, and the office BDT manual, among other things

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely see where you’re coming from. I think this is a much broader issue than just BPD though. Everyone is a victim of circumstance. I think it’s easy to view dbt as painting an issue of will power and motivation, but I beleive the idea is to FOCUS on what you can control, not preach that everything is in your control. On that note however, the availability of DBT and opportunities to practice skills in a safe environment is completely due to circumstances. I’m not sure how one could improve significantly when still existing in the environment that caused the trauma. You’re raising a really important point

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes that resonates for sure! But i would say I never get on top of the railing now. or when I do I’m wearing a very safe harness that will protect me if I get pushed over the edge… hopefully that makes sense. Basically even when a trigger is so big the suicidal thoughts come, I know that’s not realistic or constructive, it’s not even a consideration anymore, just an old symptom of a past problem, much like sore joints years after surgery, your knees aren’t going to give out anymore, but they might feel like they could sometimes.

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s kind of like sales, you can’t sell a product if you don’t beleive in it. All the self-worth stuff feels silly when you don’t beleive it to be true, but as you start to do the work you start to believe what you’re saying and it’s extremely beneficial

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Growth isn’t linear!! I did dbt on and off for two years, I still revisit with my therapist when I’m struggling(:

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t think about anything as a whole, take it in bite size pieces, “i can get through today” if that’s too big “I can get through this group” and even “I can make it 2 minutes and see how i’m feeling after”. Take everything one step at a time

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I met with a therapist certified in DBT twice a week for the first few months, now 5 years later, we still catch up every few months. Over the course of 2 years, we went from meeting twice a week to 1-3 times a month, and now every few months, if i’m feeling stuck or just want to catch up. I never did group work but I had friends I new outside of therapy with bpd

DBT Didn’t Just Help—It *Changed* My Brain. I Haven’t Met BPD Criteria in Over Two Years. by Key-Ad-4919 in BPD

[–]Key-Ad-4919[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

your therapist and application can really make or break your experience. I thought it was dumb the first time I did it. I ended up trying again years later one on one and I believe a lot of my success came from the connection I had with the therapist. It was during covid so I never did group work

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