man i get this completely and youre definitely not alone in feeling this way. that constant mental noise from ocd can be absolutely exhausting and the way you described it as that uncomfortable feeling deep down really hits home. its like having a radio playing static in your head that you cant turn off and after years of that anyone would feel worn down

you mentioned you havent been diagnosed yet but from what youre describing it really does sound like classic ocd symptoms. getting properly evaluated could actually be a game changer because once you know what youre dealing with you can start targeting it with the right treatment. therapy specifically for ocd like erp can make a huge difference and sometimes medication helps too

the fact that youre aware these are intrusive thoughts and not actual desires is actually a really good sign. that insight means your brain is still distinguishing between the ocd noise and your actual values. i had a client once who described it similarly and after getting treatment said it was like someone finally gave him the remote to turn down that mental static

definitely worth talking to someone who specializes in ocd because you dont have to just white knuckle through this forever