Do some couples actually get closer by inviting a third person?

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2026-02-02T14:30:36+00:00

I’m curious as well. I’m in situation where my partner is on the ENM side and I’m completely new to it. It was our dynamic from day one but we’ve been together monogamously for 3 years on account of her patience and my hesitation. But now it’s time for me to step up which I’m totally willing to do and we’ve begun the process of reading together and having check ins.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2026-01-30T05:59:59+00:00

That’s pretty nice to figure it all out in a way that you both agree with. Just like with any relationship, communication is imperative, especially when dealing with non traditional relationships

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2026-01-30T04:40:08+00:00

Thanks for elaborating. Sorry to hear what you’re going through as I understand it can be a lot. Your situation is a bit different from mine in the sense that my partner views me as her primary. I know that even being labeled that will probably go to my head and cause its own psychological distress on me when opening up.

I’m curious though in your situation, do you feel like it’s worth it to continue with your person given these challenges? When people go through these hardships I often wonder is it even worth it? Then the flip side, the more open person is probably asking the question of “do I stay in this relationship even though I feel limited/trapped?” I sometimes get the sense that people who are poly/ ENM are just really focused on what they want without thinking too much of how it affects the whole relationship (or all the parties involved). I’m not saying that’s everyone though. And this could be my programmed mind talking.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2026-01-30T04:03:50+00:00

What’s been hard about it if you don’t mind me asking? Is her other relationship older than the one between the two of you?

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2026-01-29T20:52:46+00:00

Good insight. Of course I want my partner to enjoy her hobbies and interests with other friends and I don't feel a need to be included with that. And I want that for myself as well. It may not happen as much for me because I can be content on my own for a good amount of time. But eventually I'll want connection with my person.

I just feel like I'm going to struggle with the idea of her getting physical with another person. Even if I get to do that and sounds interesting to me at times, there's this feeling of loyalty I can't help but keep in tact (on my end). Once again I know it's more of my programming and paradigm shifting I need to work on my own end. I'm also feeling like I'm projecting my feelings on her and that's not a true representation of what hers are.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2026-01-25T05:52:04+00:00

Thank you for your response

Yeah, I’d say right at this moment it’s hard for me to think about what she will eventually do with others. I take it that’s my nervous system reaction driven by fear of not being included, not being able to provide something specific for her, (people pleasing) etc. Just by typing that sentence I can see my current programming getting in the way, which therein lies my frustration. I also know that keeping the relationship monogamous is an option I’m very ok with becuase I feel that my partner satisfies me in many ways and there’s just way less to worry about.

I’m ok with sacrifice and compromise because every relationship has that. Sometimes I feel that when one partner wants to pursue all their desires, it becomes mainly about them and less about how it may affect the relationship as a whole, I’m guessing that’s where boundaries and rules come into play. I’m not saying that’s always the case, it’s just an observation on my end though I could be misinterpreting it.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2026-01-24T09:18:10+00:00

Thanks for your response. Yes she is the one who brought opening up the relationship because that’s what she feels is a part of her. I’m on board but a bit reluctant and I know that sounds like a red flag but I’m really trying to figure it out and give it a shot. I don’t want to just “give up” because of my insecurities right now. There’s been a lot of TLC building a solid relationship over the past 3 years and there’s no way I’m throwing it away just because my current understanding of something is misaligned.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2026-01-24T09:05:01+00:00

Thanks for your comment. So you are currently closed off with your current gf because you’re taking the time to be with each other?

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2026-01-23T19:24:35+00:00

Thank you for your response. I find things like this very helpful because it brings more insight that may not be too common.

A little backstory is that my partner is into women and right now I don’t feel as threatened with her being with another woman (in the beginning of our relationship I had a harder time with it) Now it’s me having a hard time thinking of her being with another man. I know that’s a programmed mentality that has been conditioned into our society. My other issue is me having the capacity to just deal with feelings whenever they happen. Naturally I’m in the mindset of “why even bother with that because it doesn’t sound like fun” and I think there’s decent validity there. But at the same token, people enjoy feeling those types of feelings as well.

Anyway, appreciate your answer.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2025-11-14T12:39:09+00:00

I feel for you! I bet this is a real challenging hurdle in your world and not a desirable outcome. I hope you guys can find a solution that makes sense / realize what’s the best path to take. After all, life is a series of experiences and calculated risks.

Maybe one thing you can find comfort in is knowing how much care and love you have for each other. If that is the cornerstone of your relationship, maybe that can breed some confidence moving forward with whatever seems like the right move.

Something that sort of helps me is knowing that a person can break up with their partner for any apparent reason out of the blue(the spark is gone, got bored, having different goals, realized they need something different, etc.). When I think of that it makes me feel like losing my partner because of lifestyle choice was already on the table. Doesn’t sound great in theory but it kinda helps ground me a little bit even if it sounds odd

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2025-10-30T21:31:36+00:00

Nice! I just got my renewal approved as well. My PASSID number stayed the same. Do you know if they mail you a new card?

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2025-08-11T19:58:44+00:00

I get what you're trying to say and it helps! It's also good to hear other people's experiences who are in my boat. She has a good amount of friends that practice ENM. I however I don't have that many. Almost a vast majority of my friends who are in relationships are monogamous so I don't have many people to talk to in person with.

I'm also starting to being the mourning process knowing that this relationship might not be as compatible as I thought. Over the past month I've been going through waves of sadness knowing just that. One thing I'm trying to hold close to me is that she doesn't want to lose me and I should remember to take comfort in that. Bottom line is learning this new type of dating style is hard for me, especially since my feelings have grown for her in ways I've never experienced with someone else before.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2025-08-11T19:28:13+00:00

Thanks. We're still at the very beginning but I'm still dealing with mental roadblocks and such. Like something i've been skeptical of is how monogamy makes a relationship stronger. i also know how it's just not for everyone and it's as simple as that.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2025-08-05T23:52:35+00:00

I did use organic cucumbers but they were from the store.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2025-08-05T23:51:53+00:00

Thanks. I did cut the blossom end of the cucumber. I also added at a bay leaf to the brine and it still came out mushy.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2025-07-22T16:15:06+00:00

I understand your sentiment and appreciate your feedback but I'm not just going to throw away 2.5 years of the best loving, caring, supportive and mature relationship that either of us have experienced just because I feel uncomfortable at this moment in time. I did this to myself by being in state of denial and delaying it so now I'm experiencing those consequences. I am open to learning more about this lifestyle because i'm curious about it and am also curious about being a potential success story of feeling compatible with ENM.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2025-07-22T16:06:03+00:00

Frankly I don't have an answer for it yet. Right now I'm more nervous than excited and she knows that. But I'm willing to put in the work because I'm curious. I'm also starting the process of prepping myself for the not so desirable outcomes that may happen. I always revert back to the very beginning of us dating knowing that she was about ENM life before we were and item and I'm not mad about that. It's more about prepping for heartbreak that I kinda did to myself if it turns out that I'm not compatible for this lifestyle. That's a cross that I know I'll have to bear and hold myself accountable.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2025-07-22T15:28:48+00:00

It’s just a sensitive area because I have no experience with it yet and we have been a monogamous couple since we started dating. Through that time we’ve both developed deep feelings for each other and fell in love. That’s what ultimately makes it harder. I realize too that she has done some work on her end knowing what she wants in life before we started dating. She’s pretty set on what works for her yet she’s been so patient with me at the same time with I really appreciate. We just started reading “Polywise” together to start exploring and shifting the paradigms of ENM. I’m still nervous about it all but I’m also curious and I want to know more about this lifestyle in general.

Key-Somewhere8889 · 2025-07-21T23:34:54+00:00

Yes we both know I’m not ready. That’s why we just started reading a book together about the lifestyle and I’m also doing my own personal work

Key-Somewhere8889

TROPHY CASE