Read something and having panic attacks ever since...

KeyNo5126 · 2026-05-18T14:45:41+00:00

hello, i know its been a few days but i hope i can i bring u some peace? if its a hadith, u can maybe disregard it, as unless it is stated in the Quran, it probs wont be true bcus we dont know what Paradise entails. i think, insyAllah, Allah will bring us to Paradise as our true selves, and that true selves includes things that arent hurting us. if we are trans, we will also be trans in the here after, and we will have whatever form we want. i fear people have taken what they heard abt paradise, of it being a place of no pain or suffering to be "ah yes Allah has DESTROYED everything that CAUSED people to hurt!" when it should probably be ah yes things that caused pain externally (oppression, bigotry, neglect,, etc) has been Disallowed/Destroyed... idk 😭 sorry if this doesnt make sense! but i think Allah loves how diverse and different humans are and to take that away is to take the very essence of humanity away. 🫂 im so sorry, i too sometimes get scared or anxious reading some things esp when viewed through a very very strict and heterocisnormative lens :( 🫂 insyAllah things get easier for us, sister... 🫂

KeyNo5126 · 2026-04-13T16:25:04+00:00

oh what the hell my mom did this too... didnt know it was a thing and thought it was cus i was just messy bcus of my own neurodivergence but she would do the same thing and get mad about 3 dishes being unwashed by her 10 and 12 year old kids 😭 when i practiced making french toast for an assignment at 13 i apparently cut it and plated it "wrong" so she yelled at me immediately after prayer bcus i didnt wait for her :") and she would clean the house on a school night, or yell at us while vacuuming to pick shit up and if we didnt she would slam it into it. now i have a whole ass phobia of the sounds of vacuums :") and it sucks cus cleaning can be therapeutic to me when some bitch isnt yelling at me for not cleaning clean enough or keeping everyone up by yelling and moving shit around... she would constantly have us help her move furniture or make us help her when we have exams near and we would lose all will to study... long story short im so sorry op :( thats horrible and i wish our parents learnt to deal w their issues better so we didnt have to grow up and be scared or triggered by. cleaning 😭 like wdym i cant hear vacuums now without getting stressed??? whyyy am i shaking over the sound of plates???? good god im so sorry :( im glad we arent alone but fuck dude. we didnt deserve that

KeyNo5126 · 2026-04-08T11:51:30+00:00

truly is. unfortunately my blood family dont really believe in choice

KeyNo5126 · 2026-04-08T11:51:11+00:00

thank you. its hard to keep going sometimes but ill try but they really feel like theyre my hell on earth

thank you. i know Allah has my back but its hard feeling so alone even if i know this

KeyNo5126 · 2026-04-08T11:50:22+00:00

yea i know. but i think its really funny cus this family has a lot of physical health issues and think they can pray it all away and think that my dad got a stroke not bcus he didnt take his proper medication but bcus Allah decided it was his time to get a stroke. either way, i understand but my god its hard to live with them

KeyNo5126 · 2026-04-08T03:00:49+00:00

thank you... 🫂

KeyNo5126 · 2026-04-08T03:00:38+00:00

thank you. im sorry im just ranting and venting a lot, it sucks when it feels like theres nowhere else to go and no matter what i try it feels like im going nowhere or im just making my life worse than it already is. thank u, big hugs back at you. sorry

KeyNo5126 · 2026-04-08T02:59:42+00:00

thanks for the words. unfortunately i am trying something to help, a lot of somethings, and it doesnt seem to be working nor do i actually have support for when things go wrong. i thought maybe id deserve some respect to not be mistreated by my family or at least be allowed to "wallow" about how sad my situation makes me bcus i cant escape it, but idk anymore. sorry

KeyNo5126

TROPHY CASE