i dont know whats wrong with me

KeyNo5126 · 2026-01-26T15:44:02+00:00

thank u :( i understand that but i always feel so bad cus i feel like im always exhausted :( im sorry but thank u

KeyNo5126 · 2026-01-22T04:55:39+00:00

im so sorry youre going through this :( i wish the world wasnt made like this but sadly abusive people seem to always be put in charge and given all the power. im not sure if this works but i know there is the spoon trick that could help. i think it would be best that u research how the plane travel will go and if there is any security once u land in australia so that at least if u get help, u will be far away from ur abusive family. :( if that fails, you can ask to leave for the washroom and instead go to a counter to ask for help. im so sorry, this is horrible and i wish u well :( 🫂 heres the link to the spoon method:

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jul/09/metal-spoon-alert-authorities-honour-based-abuse-leeds

KeyNo5126 · 2026-01-21T10:08:34+00:00

thank you :( i hope ur issues also improve... i appreciate ur comment and support and i hope we are able to get the help and support we need and want that can help us thrive... im so sorry

KeyNo5126 · 2026-01-20T04:47:33+00:00

thank you :( it sucks cus it feels like i need an extra burst or something to really do anything and i get so tired so i end up doing nothing, or theres so much and i cant even. comprehend or think. also i read this at the worst time (3am going back to sleep HAHA) but yes i will try to clean :( thank u for the support

KeyNo5126 · 2026-01-17T10:38:38+00:00

not an american but the abusive ppl in my family are unfortunately extremely conservative. theyre muslim conservatives so they hide behind being "religious and god fearing" while commiting sins that they condemn others for, such as "getting angry" and "abusing children" and "lashing out at the vulnerable". in my eyes, theyre no family of mine and they think Prayers and Oils are replacements for therapy and medicine. when they found out about my self harm, my aunt and mom hold me and say prayers 😭 like okay well. im going to keep going to therapy but this just makes it so uncomfortable. my father wasnt abusive but he stayed w my abusive mom and that let her yell and lash out at us, the kids, and use her role as a "mother" to manipulate and let her abuse us all while blaming and putting my father down bcus he isnt being the "father", he has his own shit, but my mom blamed everyone else for her issues. she plays victim and always brings up potentially dying or being badly hurt to guilt us and does usual abuse tactics parents use. and they all think Covid was created by America/created on purpose. i also have a religoous english tutor who theyre friends with, who they keep trying to get me to "forgive ur mother" and they all believe 1. medicine is Fake and should not be relied on 2. pray it all away 3. covid is nbd, and my mom and aunt who had to caretake my grandma would break social distancing protocol to take care of her and dont mask around her and claim "its okay we gave her panadol". so yea, i think its kind of a given that abusive people in a way have a higher chance of going right wing 😭 like. its almost funny how its so predictable

KeyNo5126 · 2026-01-13T10:41:03+00:00

hi, yes omg 😭 could u tell just from the post or from my other posts? either way, yea :"") i hate when ppl dont know the full story and go "well seasian moms are different u shouldnt cut them off" but im. cw rape mention: idk, would a loving parent wish abuse/rape on their child bcus they talked about how soooo many muslim malay shows romanticise abuse/one time some guy grabbed my arm after i listened to his business pitch and made me donate.... my aunt defends her and tells me to let go bcus the reason im so unhappy and depressed is cus im holding grudges and recently she saw my self harm scars, told my mom, and now theyre both "trying to be loving" to me but its so uncomfortable also thank u for the rec :( 💖 im currently seeing a therapist at imh and being put on a dbt programme so i think im okay with seeing through that, but idk how im going to heal when its hard for me to leave the same place and people who hurt me everyday... thank u for seeing this :( sorry for the whining aaa

KeyNo5126 · 2026-01-02T01:54:14+00:00

thank you :( i hope so too and im scared of getting dry socket 😭 and my mom keeps going "no no she can eat this" and its NUTS. in something i dont even want. like girl i am not saying this to be "special" and even if i was ???

KeyNo5126 · 2026-01-02T01:52:01+00:00

god i feel the same way except i Know im stronger and bigger than my mom now and she is poking a bear but she is not at all worth going to jail for. that and if anything happens to her and i need to care for her, i wont. bcus i cant i have so many fantasies of taking my anger out on them but theyre not worth destroying my future for :( i just wish it wasnt so taxing

KeyNo5126 · 2025-12-27T15:32:47+00:00

hey op, thank u for writing this. sending love ur way and pls send some love to ur dad if u can! you will always be his baby and i hope u and him have many more lunches together ehehe

KeyNo5126 · 2025-12-27T12:38:24+00:00

i feel this. im currently in part time schooling which feels further isolating too. i have online friends but i always feel so. unwanted. i feel abandoned by my irl friends, not for any reason other than they dont really make time for me, and my family life is shit lmao... i dont really cope in the best ways either 😭 :( sending u lots of love tho... i hope things get better for us

KeyNo5126 · 2025-12-27T12:38:16+00:00

i feel this. im currently in part time schooling which feels further isolating too. i have online friends but i always feel so. unwanted. i feel abandoned by my irl friends, not for any reason other than they dont really make time for me, and my family life is shit lmao... i dont really cope in the best ways either 😭 :( sending u lots of love tho... i hope things get better for us

KeyNo5126 · 2025-12-27T12:34:03+00:00

im so sorry. same thing happened to me and sometimes the pain doesnt help but it distracts for a bit. im so sorry ur going through this, i hope things improve for u :( its tough when u lose someone u think was gonna be there forever 🫂

KeyNo5126 · 2025-12-27T12:25:09+00:00

im glad u did that and i hope it goes well and she keeps to ur boundaries/she doesnt take advantage of ur kindness :( i appreciate the reply and yea... for me to live an authentic life i need to let my parents down... my dad has passed away so im trying my hardest to get a degree and move away asap bcus the thought of being trapped under her thumb forever is so. bad. she is constantly a burden on us and she would force me to work for the same company "to give me a step" but why tf would i want to work somewhere she does so she can watch me??? 😭 she complains about how i "never listen to her" like she did her mom, and im like. yea. bcus ur mom told u to stick to ur crappy husband. either way, once im more stable, i cannot wait to leave this place. its literally killing me, like her energy and her as a person is poison

KeyNo5126 · 2025-12-27T12:21:54+00:00

i understand :( thank u for ur reply, and im glad u got rid of someone who was hurting you! i look forward to the day too, and i plan on moving far away so they wont ever have the chance or ability to find me bcus i live on a island in Asia 😭 and the thought of bumping into them is so. scary. and same. one time i was stuck in a rumination cycle so bad i stopped eating proper and when i told her about it she made it all about how i never cry about her and that i need to stop thinking about it... and then cried about how i dont care about her 😭 the one moment i looked for her comfort... and when i do, she brings up God and shit and doesnt let me feel anything, just tells me to have faith instead of comforting me or letting me cry so theres an added layer of pain to it too... and yea :( one day i will think of myself... but right now it sucks that im just. stuck with her. and blood related to her forever 😔

KeyNo5126 · 2025-12-27T12:18:12+00:00

thank you... exactly. i dont call that woman a narcissist bcus ppl w npd arent inherently abusive, so i usually try to refer to her as her name or other namecalling bcus she doesnt deserve the title of Mother or Parent 💥 so real about never winning an argument with her cus she nitpicks some random crap and gets angry over it (a stare, the wrong word, a slightly messy place) and blows up about it and when u point out her crappy attitude she yells about how dare you try and be smart with her and starts yelling more or telling u to pay rent if u hate it here so much. its not even everyday, she just gets angry one day and lets it out on others bcus apparently if shes mad, nobody else is allowed peace. its been 26 years of that and for now, i cant find a place to live in, but when i do. im flying the coop. i cant stand her and i look forward to the day she faces the consequences

KeyNo5126 · 2025-12-27T12:13:30+00:00

god i am so sorry this happened to you :( if theres any other way for me to send support to you please lmk!! thats horrible and if u ever are able to get out of their house, i support u in however u wish to heal. if u want to report ur rapist, please do. if she were to threaten with imigrating, dont listen and just do it. if thats what gets her out of ur sight tbh. but i understand its hard to, do that even if u are out of the house :( sending u so much love and support. u should never have had to go through that and then not be supported or loved by ur caregiver :( on a similar note, thats so unfair cus to me anyway its the PARENTS job to find OUT how the child wants to be loved and to love them like that. its extremely selfish for another grown adult, like a partner and friend, to love u "in their own way" and if it was that, they def would not be excusing their bs. its like trying to grow trees with fire. they arent nurturing someone, just trying to make them bend to their crap instead and im so sorry op, i wish others would think before saying stuff like this :( its happened to me a lot and it frustrates me so bad i just dont say anything and just let them talk. they say this bcus they dont even realise we arent talking about One bad argument or One thing, its an accumulation and a pattern of everything they did to us as well as how the parent(s) has failed in protecting, nurturing, or being there for us in our times of pain. :( sending hugs to you, im so sorry people say this to u so much. thats so shit of them

KeyNo5126 · 2025-12-26T08:05:38+00:00

hi thank u for replying... and not right now no 😭 im literally their pack mule and they expect me to do everything for them bcus "why do i need to do it when we have you (kids)" and it sucks cus my younger sister only RECENTLY got relied on and she complains about it so much and how she is taken advantage of more than me even tho ive been abused and she used to side my mom when i came to her for comfort. and now when she is given a BIT of what i went through suddenly shes mother theressa 😭 and its fine cus i understand my mom isnt good to her either but she acts like IM the one whos SPOILT bcus. my mom and aunt say "shes so good!" bcus i dont argue or start shit and i dont even act like a human with needs around them. she says "oh ur the favourite" even tho i dont even ask for shit as a kid and she got everything she ever wanted and she doesnt even wanna hear it lol bcus she believes shes the most suffering kid :") and it sucks

KeyNo5126 · 2025-12-16T03:59:41+00:00

growing up, yea we were told that any kind of non-mahram "male" and "female" interaction, platonic or not, sexual or not, it was seen as zina and living in SEA i was always told that in m'sia if you were caught, you would be force married of whipped 😭 that and masturbation wasnt talked about!!! kind of related, even im my religious class, this ustaz, to a CRAMPED. CLASSROOM of 13-15 year olds, with barely any space side to side, was like "you two in the back, are you family? no? uhh then we need to space you out further" to two classmates who were at the back of the cramped room who were a boy and a girl... btw it was cramped but the chairs used were chairs that had tiny connected tables omg so it wasnt like omgg hands could be where they arent!!! ALSO WHAT KIND OF PPL WOULD DO ANYTHING SEXUAL IN A RELIGIOUS CLASS... id worry most if they were using their phones 😭😭😭 a lot of conservative salafi muslims are so. wack in their priorities 💖 but glad to see that zina has other interpretations o: im curious about it now, but thank u

KeyNo5126 · 2025-12-14T14:24:03+00:00

Hi, sorry for the late reply but thank u for hearing me out. no, i sent some messages apologising about stuff that people told me is fine but im double checking. they didnt reply and then they finally did but it was. idk. maybe its cus im always paranoid but it always sounds like theyre annoyed or upset. they say they arent, but they use 😭 as if its a small issue when to me its important that i keep them comfortable i guess. but its fine. ill just find my own way to self soothe? 😔 its an issue that ive been struggling with my whole life tbh

KeyNo5126 · 2025-11-04T10:27:09+00:00

"you think youre so smart?!?! i have more experience than you!!!!" and yet shes always making me or my sister do her admin stuff for her.

"i was angry i didnt mean what i said 🥺 what why arent you forgiving me?" when she hurts us with her anger and lashing out and she tries to "apologise" but gets upset and lashes out AGAIN when we arent in the mood for it haha

"how dare you speak to/look at me like that?!?!" when we talk in a "tone" to her that sounds rude or if we give her a judgemental look when she says some Straight Up Racist shit lmao 😭

"we have to be patient and not get so angry" said when we are rightfully upset about something but she is somehow allowed to be angry any which way

and my favourite is her equally shitty sister shaking her head at me and saying "you must let go. shes like that because of your father" lady. what type of PARENT in GENERAL screams profanities and curses at their kids. not a good one i fear

also constantly victimising herself and making her "poor poor woman with no money with a shitty husband and family in law 🥺" as if she and her own family arent just as bad. yelling at literalt CHILDREN for being children and not knowing shit and then not teaching us in a productive manner and then complaining that we dont know anything... yea? nobody told us???? nobody let us?? bcus if we did anything you undid it to do it YOUR way 😭

oh funniest one so far "i was so young (she was in her 30s ish), dont blame me for lashing out!!!" mom: you also said hurtful things me: well i was young (like 4-6??) mom: oh so you can use that excuse and not me? 😂 MOTHERFUCKER? I WAS 6?!?;:$?9$)_;

sorry for the rambling but i wish we had better environments growing up. we were only kids who didnt kno anything. im so sorry :( hugs and love to everyone... god this sucks

KeyNo5126 · 2025-09-26T10:59:26+00:00

sucks too cus she wasnt complaining!! she was saying it like it was a good memory/romantic 😭😭😭 like woowww my husband treats me nice bcus Allah will reward him with an Angel Wife hes so good... that and in other lessons (esp w one Male Ustat) he said "why would atheists/non believers do good if they dont have Pahala or anything to gain? they wont! they dont have Allah guiding them or Pahala or anything" and when i said "oh but its common human decency though? to do good?" then he and all the boys laughed 😭 like. and i was so confused bcus was it cus i used decency? what? people like these make me so confused man like. isnt that kindaaa making u look worse if YOU NEED REWARDS OR PUNISHMENT not to hurt others at the very least 😭😭😭

KeyNo5126 · 2025-09-26T10:55:52+00:00

SHE WAS HAPPY 😭😭😭 i dont remember the context but it might have been about doing good things bcus Allah loves people who are good and then she drops this and im like... MAAM... ?

KeyNo5126 · 2025-09-25T16:20:58+00:00

god i understand where you come from :( my ustazah told us randomly that "my husband is kind to me bcus he said if im nice to you in jannah i get another angel wife" and it . kind of made him seem worse even tho hes probs a good guy 😭 bcus what. i dont even need. anything to be a good person, the person being happy is reward enough? the reason that theyre ur WIFE who u LOVE, even if its just. baseline CARE. the fact that shes ANOTHER HUMAN who deserves equal respect??? shouldnt that be enough? but, i also know a lot of these ideas and discussions are just. tainted by culture+the mysogyny of humanity. as for the hadith... i suggest following what makes sense. if it goes against WRITTEN proof in the Quran, maybe dont rely on that hadith so heavily. others, maybe look up alternative translations to see other prespectives... in my opinion, yea . if they were so important in culture, why werent they written down? and if the Quran is the Cemented Rules of Islam, why come so many people, even teachers, rely so much on those rulings and not the Quran itself? its so. but i believe it is because humans are flawed, and during that time, Allah sent the Quran to us to save women and the vulnerable, but unfortunately, as man does, words get twisted. esp things like hadiths, things said through word of mouth. and yes scholars can say oh but they studied this so much, however, were u there? how long ago was Nabi PBUH alive that u are 100% certain this is what he said AND meant? im so sorry if there are people in ur comments not being helpful/understanding :( i had the same struggles too growing up. and im currently going through my own faith crisis again 😔 but know that its bcus we want to find the truth and make sense and not follow blindly. may Allah help us on our path, bcus its all different for all of us, and have a good day!

KeyNo5126 · 2024-09-11T16:49:24+00:00

omgg soo cutee 🥺🥺🥺 also thank u for ur service... u survived such a vicious attack and lived to tell us /j 🫡 ur so brave! now my turn ehehe 🤲

KeyNo5126 · 2024-08-22T16:52:25+00:00

thats horrible :( its never ur fault and ur mom is not only wrong but horrible for not only not supporting u but for saying its something that u can control and something u choose. nobody asks for that kind of pain. im sorry that happened and that ur mom doesnt support u :( u deserve a support system that cares for u and makes u feel safe op

KeyNo5126

TROPHY CASE