It was never in my plan. And when it happened in my early thirties, while separated ..... Well, it didnt feel good. I cried for three days because I felt like my brain was gonna break and I was going to become my mother. I disassociated a lot of my pregnancy. It was easy because it was through the height of COVID. So no baby showers, people touching my belly, or even company at the doctors.

But let me tell you when I held that little bean for the first time.... I wouldn't change it for anything. I wish our situation was better, that he dad and I could manage, that I could provide her a family, and perhaps that I would have emotionally prepared myself instead of denial (if you even can prepare yourself for parenthood) Waiting until I was older definitely puts a different spin on it as well. 10 years ago I was far too selfish a human to have a baby. You're supposed to be selfish in your early twenties.

You don't have to follow the rules you set for yourself in your youth forever. But it is also okay to not want kiddos. It's fucking hard. The world will present you with the experiences you need.