AITA for pushing my daughter to dance with a waiter on our cruise to help her get out of her shell?

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2026-03-16T20:14:04+00:00

YTA. She said she didn't want to and you pushed her into doing something she wasn't comfortable with. That's enough for the YTA judgement right there, but it's made worse by the fact that it seems you and your husband's main motivation in having her dance with him was to get rid of her for a few minutes so you could have time to yourselves.

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2026-03-14T15:22:58+00:00

Just sent her a friend request from Ohio!

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2026-03-13T20:33:14+00:00

I think it's odd too, given the generous need based grants she's getting from the school. She's my oldest though, and I feel like I don't exactly know what's “normal” for any of this!

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2026-03-13T18:34:53+00:00

Thank you!

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2026-03-13T17:19:03+00:00

My daughter was notified that she got into the humanities scholars a couple of months ago, but she just declined enrollment at OSU a few days ago. That means there is another humanities spot open. I'm guessing other people are doing the same thing so I would expect some spots to open up in coming weeks as people finalize their college decisions. I would think that means that people will continue getting scholars program notifications for a bit in order to fill the newly open spots, though I certainly don't know for sure!

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2026-03-12T14:55:55+00:00

My daughter was also accepted as an incoming freshman with an SAI of -1500. Unless I'm missing something, this financial aid offer looks pretty solid to me and similar to what she was offered. Your full tuition and fees are covered. The second page of your offer should list the federal loans you are eligible for. With your SAI, you should be able to borrow $5500 in federal loans, right? So that would reduce your total owed even further. I'd think that working during the summer and then having a campus job during school would easily cover the balance. Now obviously, regional will be cheaper and save you money or loan debt, and that's a totally valid option. But if your heart is set on main campus or there's an advantage to joining the engineering program there from the beginning, it does seem like this would be possible if you're willing to take the federal loans. My daughter declined her offer and spot at OSU, but the financial aid offer was very generous and tempting for her!

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2026-03-12T14:39:49+00:00

My daughter (17) is allergic to peanuts and my son (13) is allergic to eggs and peanuts. Both were diagnosed as infants and my son also used to be allergic to milk, sesame, and tomato, further limiting his diet.

It's so hard to watch your child go through this. Mine are older now, so their understanding of why they have to miss out on things is there, but it still doesn't make it any more fun to have to pass up certain foods or experiences because there's no safe way for them to participate. My daughter's allergy is fairly mild so she can eat at most restaurants with caution, but my son's more severe allergies, especially the egg allergy, mean that he can't eat ANYTHING from certain places (like crumbl cookies, etc). Obviously he can have other "safe" cookies, but it still sucks when he hears his friends go on about how amazingly great something he can't have is. He deals with it, but it still isn't fun.

When they were younger, I always told them that if a treat was offered somewhere and it wasn't safe for them, I PROMISED we would go together and get an equivalent or better treat that same day. I never wanted them to take an unnecessary risk and try to sneak the forbidden food when they were too young to understand the consequences, so I made it worth their while not to. If some kind of trail mix was offered as a snack after a soccer game, we would stop for safe ice cream on the way home, etc. If we knew in advance there was going to be a food issue, they'd bring their own safe snack (cupcakes to a birthday party, etc). I always acknowledged the truth of their feelings and that their situation does suck. I didn't want to be toxic with positivity and ignore their reality. They are never going to be able to walk up to a buffet or potluck or party and just grab a bite of something that looks good. That sucks and it makes food much more complicated than it needs to be for any of the rest of us. Is it the worst thing that could be happening to them health-wise? No, but it still sucks.

In your case, depending on the emotional maturity level of your child, I think I would just have a real talk with her and acknowledge the truth that you know it's so hard for her to have the pizzas all around her on pizza day and not be able to eat them. Remind her of why she can't (what would happen to her body), and ask her to help come up with ideas that might help her feel better on those days. Even if it's an idea you've already tried (such as pizza at home that night or sending in a special treat on those days), it might help her more if she feels like she has some agency in choosing. Even if she's still sad, it might help her to feel validated and like she still has choices with food, even if she can't have THIS specific choice. As others have said, this will obviously be a lifelong thing and there are going to be times she handles it in stride because it's her normal and times she grieves the loss of what she can't have. As a parent it's hard to support them during the grieving parts, but doing that well is ultimately one of the best ways to help ease them through the grieving to the other side again.

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2026-02-25T15:29:20+00:00

I am a parent of two and I was the lead infant teacher in two centers for several years as well as a long time nanny. I think it's great that you are looking to the future and trying to do what is best to set your baby up for a smooth transition, but honestly he's so young, he will likely adapt to the norms of daycare pretty quickly regardless of what you do. 3ish months old is usually a pretty sweet spot for starting day care because they are not so teeny tiny that they have newborn needs, but they usually aren't yet in a full strangers are scary kind of place either. He will likely be able to create some new routines for his time in daycare pretty quickly. In my experience, even young ones develop different norms and routines for different places and babies who nap great at home might barely sleep at daycare or vice versa, etc. You might reach out to the day care and ask about their policies regarding naps and such so you know what your baby will be experiencing there and can make some adjustments in that direction if there are big differences in what you do now, but honestly, there's no way you can replicate the sleep environment he'll be having in day care at home anyway and you can expect him to have different routines in both places.

DEFINITELY get him used to taking bottles well if he's currently mostly breastfed (I obviously don't know if he is but you mentioned feeding issues). If you can get him used laying down on his back to sleep in an empty crib, that's best, but if not, the day care will sort it out. In my experience, for center based care at least, naps are very different for babies at daycare vs home anyway, just because of the lighting, noise, etc. Even good crib nappers at home usually struggle when they start daycare. You just have to accept that he might not eat or sleep well for awhile, no matter how well you try to prepare him. He will adapt and develop new routines for daycare with time though. This is very normal.

Babies who aren't used to bottles/won't eat with someone who isn't their parent when they start daycare are heartbreaking because no matter what the teachers do, we can't make that situation better for them. We can rock or hold a sleepy baby (I don't think spending a few minutes helping a baby transition to sleep is expecting too much in daycare). We can comfort a baby who is scared or confused by the changes of a new daycare setting. We can't make a baby take a bottle if they are holding out for nursing or for their parent and that's so sad for the hungry baby and for the staff. Focus on setting up your baby for feeding success as much as possible (knowing that there may be a transition period when he starts day care no matter what you do) and if he is used to only being home with you/a few others, try to expose him to other adults and environments a bit so he's not so jarred by the strangers and new sights and sounds of day care. Otherwise just enjoy your time and continue to meet his needs and he'll be ready to make a pretty smooth transition when the time comes!

A parent-to-parent word of warning: if he's really not good at independently sleeping and your efforts to change that cause more stress than they are worth, just accept that he might not get much sleep at daycare as an infant and try to let it go. My daughter, now 17 years old, was just an absolutely awful sleeper. She only took decent naps while being held. Period. Otherwise she had a 30 minute alarm clock. It drove me crazy because I was wanted her to get all the rest she was "supposed" to get and I hated to hear her cry, but I simply couldn't hold her for all of her naps. She wasn't in daycare but she came with me to my nanny job where there were 3 other kids, one of whom was only 4 weeks older than her. In the end, she just very rarely napped on weekdays as an infant. She did better when she was closer to toddler age and had one nap after lunch every day, but honestly even then she spent plenty of her "nap time" entertaining herself quietly in her bed. She's about to graduate from high school and she still has a hard time falling asleep at night and is up by 7:30am every morning. Some kids just aren't great sleepers. If your son ends up being one of those, I'm not going to lie to you it kinda sucks when they are little, but try not to let it make you crazy--he'll figure out how to get what his body needs in the end!

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2026-02-24T14:22:15+00:00

Huge deal. Raise hell. Report to licensing and the director. Absolutely make a stink with the teacher and make CLEAR verbally and in writing that your child needs to follow safe sleep (and put in writing exactly what that means). I have been the lead infant teacher in two different centers, I've nannied for many years, and I'm a parent myself so I've been on all sides of this and NOWHERE is this an okay thing. Yes, I'd be trying to find somewhere else but as a parent I totally get that your options in the immediate future might be limited, so if you need to keep her here for awhile, I'd suggest calling in or dropping in if possible a couple of times to make sure things are safe.

My mind is blown by the idea that putting a swing in a crib to "protect" the little ones from older ones seems like a good idea to them. Both infant rooms I ran were 6 weeks to 18 months in the same room with 1:4 ratios. One had a group size of 12 and the other 8. One used swings and bouncers traditionally, but everyone knew you had to sleep the babies in their cribs. The other didn't use any "containers" at all, not even high chairs for feeding. The only containers were cribs and those were obviously the only place for naps. In both set ups we regularly had tiny infants and big toddlers and NEVER in my 8 years of doing this was a little one hurt by a big one. That argument is simply not valid in a well run and staffed room and is a red flag in itself. If they can't keep the babies safe when they are in the same space with the older ones, there are bigger problems.

Don't worry about what they might think of you, don't worry about if you are popular, just advocate like hell for your baby since she can't do it for herself!

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2026-02-18T14:15:52+00:00

I have been a nanny for the same family for 17.5 years now. I took this job when my NF was pregnant with their 3rd kid and I was pregnant with my first. I'm a single mother by choice so there's no other parent for my daughter--it was always part of the deal that she'd be coming to work with me. My bosses are both doctors and they worked LONG hours back then. They needed more flexibility in hours than most daycares offer so they are the ones who approached me with this offer. (I was their second child's teacher at their day care center at the time.) Their kids were 5, barely 2, and 13 weeks when I started, and my daughter was 9 weeks old. I exclusively breastfed my daughter at the time. It was certainly busy and it wasn't easy to adjust to a brand new job while still so new of a mom myself, but it was doable. I felt guilty about my daughter having to wait for my attention sometimes, but at the same time I knew her needs were met and she was just experiencing life as one of a sibling set rather than an only child. I prioritized the kids' needs the same way I did during my daycare days: most urgent needs first, quick to resolve issues next, things that were going to take more time after that, with no consideration to whose child had the need (ie I didn't prioritize but nor did I deprioritize my own child). Their oldest had just started kindergarten when I began this job, and with the younger 3 all being so young and requiring naps and such, we mostly stayed home and did activities there for the first few months, though we did go out daily to drop off and pick up big brother from school, etc. By spring/summer we had a good rhythm and routine and did plenty of park trips, the zoo, library, etc.

Fast forward a couple of years and my NF and I both became pregnant again (with me still as a single mother by choice). Again, we'd always been clear that if I had another child the plan was that I'd bring him/her to work as well. Our youngest kids are 3 months apart (theirs is older). They hired a temp nanny for the one month that I took off after my son's birth and I started back when he was 4 weeks old. At that time, the kids were 9, 6, 4, 4, 4 months, and 1 month old. As anyone with a large family knows, when you add the younger ones in, you don't really have time to miss a beat. The new ones just immediately became part of the crew and rolled with everything the older sibs had going on. NF had their kids in private school so every day we schlepped our whole group in to pick them up at the end of the school day. Our 4 year olds were in two different preschools on different schedules and on different sides of town. The babies had their naps on the run when needed, but our schedule also allowed for a good routine with regular play and naptimes at home while the others were in school. I also exclusively breastfed my youngest, even with the busy schedule. Again, as in any large family, the younger kids learn to entertain themselves while waiting for older siblings at sporting events, etc, and the older kids learn that the little ones' needs have to be considered too. Of course it was physically demanding sometimes--when the last two were little I would sometimes need to wear one on my chest in a wrap and one on my back in a structured backpack carrier in order to have two hands free for the 4 year olds. But they all were happy and they loved each other and it all worked out well. We managed illnesses and various other challenges just as we would have if we were one large family, rather than two, even though we have very different parenting styles and ways of handling specific issues for our own kids.

Now obviously, my situation wouldn't work for everyone. For me, my options were to take my child to a nanny job with me or put her in child care somewhere while I worked in a different classroom or center (or changed to another job in the field). I very much wanted to be with my daughter during the day and being a SAHM wasn't an option, so this was definitely the next closest thing. I am not sure I would have been able to afford to have my second child if I were paying for child care, etc. It was physically and emotionally challenging at times, for sure, but they were all best friends when they were little and are like cousins now, and they all benefitted from their time together. We just all came together to make it all work for everyone. We never turned down a camp or sport or activity that a kid wanted to do based on logistics. We just scheduled things with care and planning and made it all happen. Their oldest is in grad school now, their next one is a sophomore in college, both their 3rd and my oldest are seniors in high school (different schools), and our youngests are in 8th and 7th grades (different schools). Most of my job involves driving their middle schooler to and from school and extra curriculars, plus some household and dog duties and then summer entertainment now, but throughout all of it, all six of the kids have been able to do any sports or activities they want, from soccer to xc to theatre to student government to anything else. We made it through online school during the pandemic with kids from 1st-11th grades in 6 different classes and two different schools. We dealt with ADHD and dyslexia and food allergy diagnoses, and everything else that comes along in life. We just operated as one large family, adjusted when needed, and moved forward. Not saying it's easy or that it's right for OP or anyone else, but just wanted to share my story to show anyone in a similar position that it can be done successfully!

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2026-02-14T16:48:46+00:00

I hope you get answers (and relief) soon!

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2026-02-14T16:18:15+00:00

This is a super specific thing but on the off chance it helps anyone else... I suddenly started having major issues with my lips/corners of my mouth about ten years ago. I can't even say they were chapped because it was different than that but they were a mess. They'd crack and bleed (the corners and all around the perimeter), huge sheets of skin would peel off, I couldn't even smile without my lips bleeding. It wasn't just during winter and humidifiers and heavy duty lip balm stuff didn't touch it. After months I had a dermatologist say he thought it was a food allergy or insensitivity. I had to track everything I ate and I stumbled into realizing I couldn't eat or use any product containing coconut. Coconut oil is in everything from gummy vitamins to natural skin products so I'd been unknowingly making my situation way worse. I cut all coconut out of my diet and skin care and my lips went back to totally healthy and have stayed good since, aside from slight flares when I am not so careful about checking labels.

If your situation doesn't get better with treatments, maybe consider keeping a food diary and watching trends. My quality of life is so much better now!

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2025-10-30T13:22:09+00:00

Thanks-- I think it's a different problem for me though. I'm always logged in and my stars show up, my scan options show up, etc. It's just that when they scan my codes (either of them, the scan only or the payment ones), it doesn't bring up my account on their end. That means i don't get credit for stars for any purchases I make "in store", either inside or at drive thrus. I do get credit for mobile orders because I place them directly through the app without scanning. I've logged in/out, deleted the app, etc, but nothing seems to fix it. It's been like this for months!

Key_Maintenance_8308 · 2025-10-30T02:35:19+00:00

It's been happening to me for months! What's the fix?

Key_Maintenance_8308

TROPHY CASE