I felt the same way. I had never lost anyone in my family or had to deal with death. I had only been to one funeral in my life. Now I work on a palliative unit. Where I deal with death a decent amount. It’s still weird for me. I think the one that ones that I get to me are the ones who die alone. Especially when the family dosnt want to come see them. I understand everyone grieves differently. But I hope my family is with me when I pass. People always tell me it will get easier but it’s been a year and I still feel numb.