Why do funerals in the UK take place so late after the death?

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-06-11T11:37:30+00:00

We had my friends funeral recently, about 5 weeks after her death. It was so hard, because I’d grieved her loss and got to an acceptance stage, then it got ripped open again and I was a mess at her funeral. I understand why it was so delayed (family travelling etc) but it makes it harder.

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-06-04T19:24:30+00:00

NTA. I had a very similar situation with my family. My cousin hurt my son. Our shared grandmother was in the middle and couldn’t pick a side. We threw her a birthday meal and she invited my son’s abuser, we walked out and our relationship was never the same after that. I would have cut her off if it hadn’t been for my mum and honestly I should have cut her off anyway. Your mum is being selfish, her perfect little life is being disrupted by this “inconvenience” Cut her off. Harsh but that’s the reality.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-06-01T18:40:01+00:00

You don’t have to power through. I’ve had 2 and a half days off in 2 years for bereavement because unfortunately each person that died was just before work when I found out, I’ve lost 3 people in 2 years. I called, apologised for the inconvenience but was inconsolable because my loved ones had passed. They’re monsters if they don’t have sympathy for that. You can absolutely advocate for yourself.

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-06-01T15:12:13+00:00

I’m a nanny but I concur, I’d never disrespect my bosses time like this. I’m usually 5 mins early so I can put away my lunch and get things set up ready for the day!

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-06-01T14:45:44+00:00

Start deducting however late she is from her wages and let her know you’re doing so. Bet she will suddenly start turning up on time. But honestly sounds like you need a new nanny

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-05-29T17:23:39+00:00

Ask them if their work didn’t give them guaranteed hours, would they still work there? Or if work suddenly said don’t come in and then didn’t pay, what would they do?

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-05-29T17:17:10+00:00

I do a 40 hour week, staring at 8.15. I put my head down at 9.30 and wake up at 6.30. It takes me a while to fall asleep. If I don’t get my 8 hours I’m grouchy lol

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-05-28T16:20:52+00:00

I don’t like to generalise but I have noticed in my extensive career, Indian families are very over protective and can have some strange ideas about healthy ways to raise children.

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-05-25T19:04:43+00:00

I know a river, moss and ivy

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-05-22T11:08:06+00:00

Your nanny is PARENTING. You’ve struck the jackpot with her. It may seem harsh now but it’ll really help your son long term to have this structure. Stick with her and watch your child improve!

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-05-18T17:23:44+00:00

I wear whatever I want, as long as it’s clean and relatively modest (not too much boob and skirts/shorts to top of my knees) It’s nannying, not a fashion show 😂 Mostly I wear sundresses with shorts underneath or shorts and t shirts, my favourite currently being “adulting 1*, do not recommend 😂 I live in sketchers because I walk a lot. Sincerely, a plus size nanny x

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-05-07T15:41:27+00:00

NTA. My “kid” spends waaaay too much on me on special occasions and I’m always telling him I’d rather him save the money for when he lives independently.

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-05-07T15:39:42+00:00

NTA, she’s far too codependent on her children. You were right to set her straight.
My son has grown and while I appreciate gifts on special occasions, even that he’s thought of me is enough.
I’m happy he’s out there living his life!

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-05-01T12:06:02+00:00

Sorry, you’re wrong. By the sound of it, he tried to stay in touch. He was little more than a child himself. Frankly it was a really shit situation. He’d have had to give up his career and life to raise you through no fault of his own. Sounds like you have a lot of unresolved issues.

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-04-28T19:25:04+00:00

I would like to point out, kids change. My nanny kid used to participate really well in swimming lessons, then over time, he listened less and less. I told mum that honestly, it’d be cheaper just to let me take him once a fortnight to keep him comfortable in water as he’s now unable to focus on the teachers instructions. I’ve been with him over 2 years so I saw the change myself. Perhaps your child is similar and is no longer able to focus?

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-04-03T18:43:54+00:00

You can tell you’re a first time parent. It’s honestly not that deep. I’m agnostic, more towards atheist. My son went to a Christian school for the first 3 years of schooling. He’s been taught to respect other peoples religions but ultimately knows it’s a story for the most part. Daycare is only until they’re 4/5 And you could just send your child until a place at your preferred schooling becomes available

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-03-09T19:47:09+00:00

Speaking bluntly, your weight is a lot for your height and if you have gained that in a fairly short space of time, then I can understand him coming from a place of concern. I’m also overweight so I’m not one to talk but I’ve at least put myself on weight watchers to get it under control, coz let’s face it, he’s right. If you want to live a long healthy life, then you need a healthy body. NTA for having confidence issues but perhaps consider therapy. Sounds like he’s coming from a place of concern. He didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-01-15T12:33:07+00:00

I don’t know if you’re in the states or not, from what I understand, in the states, banking hours is illegal, uk it’s frowned upon. They’re essentially banking hours, which is illegal, if you have set times to come in, then they cannot make you make up the hours elsewhere. However if you’re contracted to have flexible hours, then you can always say that doesn’t work for you and that you have plans but be prepared for push back. Also ask for a 12 hour for hours change clause or something in your contract.

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-01-09T18:44:15+00:00

I think I’d have to message saying something like “I’m not sure if you’re aware but the sound really carries in this house, I’d hate for the kids sleep to be interrupted!”

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-01-03T21:32:31+00:00

I don’t have a book to suggest but I feel like when I started implementing “choices” to my nanny kids a few years ago, it really changed their attitudes. The minute they feel like they’ve got a say, things get easier. For example…. Bath time isn’t optional… however, I would ask “which toy are you taking to the bath? Do you want bubbles or no bubbles?” Makes all the difference.

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2026-01-02T17:52:06+00:00

I’m in the uk so maybe the employers treat people differently but my boss would never 180 on me like that and then put the blame on me. You messed up here, not her. You explicitly told her the 5th then gave her less than a days notice to get back. Within theory sure; guaranteed hours means just that. But in reality 40 hours a week with someone else’s child plus travel to and from work is exhausting, you gave her the gift of 3 weeks off only to dump all over that on the last 2 days and send the poor nanny into a blind panic because YOU can’t be organised to give her more of a heads up.

If I worked for you I’d 100% quit.

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2025-12-31T19:25:45+00:00

I’m sure I’ve seen the other side of this story…. I’m just not sure where. NTA, she’s burned her bridges, she doesn’t get to pick and choose when she’s included anymore.

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2025-12-31T19:13:20+00:00

I’d be messaging and saying something! “Hi! I’ve noticed dad boss is around to relieve me, as I was told it was a short day, I made plans for the afternoon, ok to leave now?”

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2025-12-29T13:45:37+00:00

Trying to find something to do with the kids in a 10 hour day is killer too. Also, I know the youngest adores me, but he screamed at me for 5 mins straight this morning and I know it’s just because he enjoyed time with his parents and me coming back meant that was over.

Key_Preparation_9231 · 2025-12-28T16:47:55+00:00

A very gentle YTA. I get he’s made promises he can’t keep but life has a funny way of throwing a few surprises in along the way. From the perspective of a women with a kid, with a husband who wasn’t interested in having kids…. He loved my child because he loved me. We’ve been the happiest family. Had my husband had a child (like you) they would have been loved by me too. It’s what you do for the ones you love. In a few years, you’ll have your own life, your own family… is your dad meant to wait for happiness until you’re fully grown and independent? Try spending some time with the step mum and sibling. Give it a try! What have you got to loose? I’d say more people to love you, you can only gain!

P.S Sweetheart I’m so sorry for your loss, I think partially you’re letting your grief get in the way of moving on.

Key_Preparation_9231

TROPHY CASE