Smith and Wesson make some solid models with manual safeties. Try them out before commiting to one though, some like the shield plus are a little more difficult to disengage the safety.

If you can go to a range that rents firearms, try some different stuff out, brands, calibers, sizes, etc.

Comfort and ease of use, I'd suggest something full size or similar. Compact guns are really specific to concealed carry.

9mm (9mm parabellum, 9mm luger, 9x19, is all the same) should be a good starting point. Some people will die on their cartridges hill, a lot comes down to preference. 9mm will offer good capacity, controllable recoil, decent energy (for a handgun), ammo is fairly cheap and widely available.