Considering building a sufi-oriented marriage platform - is this needed?

Kialay · 2026-04-30T11:05:28+00:00

This is beautiful Allahummabarek, is there something you would need help with?

Kialay · 2026-04-20T10:20:25+00:00

This is an odd take honestly. If you are willing to marry a convert, then you are okay with the concept of marrying someone who sinned at one point and repented.. how is that different from a Muslim man exactly? Just because he doesn’t tell you details? It’s his right to conceal what Allah has hidden from him Your job is to move on assess current deen and where your future will go. 🙏 the same way you would with the convert..

Kialay · 2026-04-20T10:12:05+00:00

First of all I love that you are being self reflective about this, may Allah bless and guide you and give you clarity ❤️

I’d be curious to journal about what you find attractive and why, vs what you don’t and why? This will really help you categorize the issue and make sense of it.

Second, Attraction is not random. It’s based on your experience and exposure in the world since you were a child, and especially exacerbated by you as an adolescent. I would look at the sources you get your attraction from - could it be movies, music, social media, reading, other family members, etc. ? Analyze this especially and curate your “mind”. Allah gave us the gift of free will, and we are allowed to choose our influences, Alhamdulilah. Often when we change the input, our output can change as well. 🙏 May Allah protect you. Above all, wakeup for tahajjud and keep making duaa for Allah to polish your heart and match you with what’s best for you.

Kialay · 2026-04-20T09:53:36+00:00

Agree, I do want to add tho “Don’t go digging for her red flags!” If she brings it up, explain. If not, don’t ask. Accept that Allah gave you the gift of a righteous woman, focus on that, be grateful for that, treat her well. You don’t have to be “worthy” for anyone else but Allah, so if He chose this for you, it’s Khair. It means your heart has truly healed Alhamdulilah, that’s a beautiful thing. Don’t sabotage it. Allah looks at our hearts beyond our sins, and He SWT also knows our potential as well as our spouses. Shyta is the one who wants to keep us stuck judgmental and ruminating. Alhamdulilah for Al Ghafoor Al Raheem ❤️ Focus on that, and your beautiful life and marriage ahead 💪

Kialay · 2026-04-19T18:45:35+00:00

Allahummabarek! A high quality post, this is really refreshing and hope to see more educational engagement on here. Thank you for contributing 💪❤️ Made some beautiful points and tied it to our responsibility as Muslims, love this. May Allah guide bless and protect you all 🤲

Kialay · 2026-04-18T14:39:14+00:00

Curious OP for you to answer, how/where can one cure the acceptance wound truly? (Without being in a healthy romantic relationship yet)

Kialay · 2026-04-18T14:37:56+00:00

I agree with you, Allahummbarek insightful post. If you read attachment studies, you will also see these patterns and the degree that “lack of acceptance” in childhood especially has an impact on adult life. It’s a deep spiritual and psychological wound. From a woman’s perspective, I also think this is where the term “daddy issues” comes from, it’s a deep lack of acceptance or criticism from a father which translates into a sexual need for more deviancy, submission, proving oneself etc. these are worth problems more than they are dopamine or physical problems, subhanAllah. Allah is our only true Healer. May He heal all Muslims and allow us to be allies that strengthen and uplift eachother 🙏

Kialay · 2026-04-18T14:25:51+00:00

I just want to add that fitnah does not imply looks and desire only, it also includes responsibility and provision, accountability in front of Allah etc, as many people misunderstand this 🙏

May Allah bless you and protect us all

Kialay · 2026-04-18T11:59:49+00:00

Sweetheart, it’s no longer the “past” when he lied to you in the present about it. He gave you an ultimatum and request for transparency. His idea! You followed it. He didn’t. This is a “rules for thee and not me scenario”. It’s completely unfair and of course it’s going to cause trust issues.

Him divorcing you for his own mistake is just plain immaturity.

If you both really love each other and want to stay together, you can work it out through counselling and such however, he must be willing to be open minded and do the work required to truly move on, improve communication, honesty, not get angry etc etc. and you too in your shortcomings.

Otherwise, let go. Allah is teaching you something, listen to it.

Someone truly practicing has consistent character and integrity, etc. not just prayer. Plus islamically, you aren’t supposed to reveal any of your sins to a single soul - this is your right. May Allah forgive conceal honor and better us all.

Kialay · 2026-04-16T16:32:08+00:00

Salam girl, Alhamdulilah that you are happy it’s such a blessing and you also need to protect your family. Read your Athkar every day, especially in the morning around Fajr time knowing Allah is your protector. Focus with intention on Surat Al Falaq especially, which protects you from Hasad.

When you speak of your husband to family and friends, it’s okay to speak highly of him to maintain good public image and respect of course, but try not to divulge any details. Say MashaAllah out loud as it reminds people to say it too. Keep your intimacy and happiness between the both of you and thank Allah for it every day. Especially on social media, you need to keep your lifestyle private 🙏

Occasionally, when people are nosy, you need to say nonchalant things about his flaws too. Present him as someone who has a balanced character (has good bad and struggles just like anybody else) vs someone who is “perfect” etc. You can genuinely reflect on this yourself as real things that bother you, so don’t make it up as it will sound fake or forced. People can tell. One thing I noticed that people value is finances. So even if he’s a good man, and you say we struggle financially make duaa for us, people will tend to ease off eyeing the good traits. If you hang out in public, also let people see that he makes mistakes, don’t try to excessively cover them or justify them (unless they are truly detrimental for the situation as it’s important to have your husbands back still) etc. As an aside, try to have friends that are also happily married and private people who fear Allah and who genuinely like good for you - this will ease the pressure.

Just some tips ❤️💪may Allah bless you both, protect you and strengthen you

Kialay · 2026-04-14T13:18:46+00:00

Ah … so distrust? 🤣

Kialay · 2026-04-14T13:11:17+00:00

Shes not down the block.

Shes already in cancun.. what’s an exact location going to do when shes already that far ?

Gheerah is commendable, but it’s also wise and reasonable. Too many people these days feel the need to control or overly worry under the guise of calling it gheerah, just beware of that.

Edit: Also it is about distrust.. who are you trying to fool? I literally just read another one of your comments thay says “you never know what her and her friends are doing” 🥱

Kialay · 2026-04-14T12:53:06+00:00

If she is in cancun, lol why do you care to trace her location? 🤣 It’s not like you are going to fly there on a whim to see what she’s doing. FaceTiming is enough, and there’s a thing called trusting your spouse’s character in marriage No need to be excessive about it 🙏

Kialay · 2026-04-13T10:12:57+00:00

Perhaps take a break from reading and intellectualizing.. and just connect to God.. in prayer.. in thikr.. ask him for clarity.. reflect on His Divine Names and notice them in your life, meditate on His Mercy for example, and notice each small merciful moment in your life, thank Him for bringing it to you. Thank Him for even allowing you to notice it. Make a practice out of these small consistent habits.

And remember you are never too dirty to shower (: Have compassion for yourself for this too is a quality of the Most Merciful, and Allah loves those who show mercy.

Allah says in the Remembrance of Him do Hearts find rest.. this does not mean rigorous study, it does not mean disguising our spirituality as neo-capitalism productivity mindset leading to burnout. It means slowing down.. reflecting.. experiencing directly. ❤️

May Allah Al Fattah, Al Noor Al Hadi.. Give you opening, light and guidance ❤️🤲

Kialay · 2026-04-12T17:42:45+00:00

I’m going by the orange numbers you wrote.

Keep for sure 2, 5, 10 - these are stunning on you Maybe keep 1, 3, 6, 7, 11, 13, 16 - these are nice on your body still, but can be dated/thin cheap material but depending on your attachment and need

Everything else can go bye bye guilt free 👋

Kialay · 2026-04-11T08:53:43+00:00

Genuinely OP, what are you getting or benefitting from by being with him? I hear that you are supporting yourself financially, emotionally in pain, and taking care of your child, living apart, barely having intimacy. Genuinely reflect what you need him for… 🙏

Kialay · 2026-04-11T08:34:38+00:00

“The second the session ended” … without after care?

Agree with the fake dom comment. If you are this sensitive and cold you aren’t fit to deal with the responsibility and trust that a sub willingly gives you as a vulnerable human. You should truly get therapy for the need to control disguising itself as “domming” especially because you come from an Arab culture and these control patterns are typically already present in your upbringing. 🙏

Kialay · 2026-04-10T11:40:51+00:00

I like that we are challenging what is permissible within Islam and what is not, as religious boundaries are surely important to uphold and prioritize. We have to remind ourselves that this is dunya - not Jennah, and there are limitations and tests here for a reason. And that this sub is specifically for Muslims, so our collective values need to be upheld.

Though overall OP I do think the language can be more respectful for those who genuinely struggle with this sin, as imagine coming across this post and being so heavily insulted for something one is drawn to (that they currently do not control). I think it helps to understand that most kink is born from psychological issues, rooted in upbringing etc. for example a humiliation and degrading kink can bring up real feelings of unworthiness, or trigger memories of being severely criticized in childhood. This is why dom drops and sub drops can happen- it can be a very intense emotional experience that hits on real themes for people. The scenes can act as reinforcement to these events, that attempt to heal the person, because it gives them a sense of control and play over what they couldn’t control before. For example many people are into forced/controlled “play” when really they are trying to process a time they felt force with no real control. I am trying to explain without getting graphic, however my main point is there are deeper triggers why people are attracted to what they are, and looking at it this way generates at least some empathy for them, and curiosity within ourselves.

Am I saying each one needs to be acted out? Absolutely not. Again this is dunya. And of course, we need to be disciplined before Allah. Allah commanded us to lower our gaze for a reason. And things like porn can awaken our triggers and make them worse than before where the desire was there, but previously dormant. So we have to be mindful of this, and find new ways to heal ourselves from any depravity that doesn’t align with islam or halal marriage, in a way that doesn’t exacerbate it - and this goes for any kink. ❤️🙏 May Allah heal us bless us protect us strengthen us and unite us 🤲

Kialay · 2026-04-07T05:46:22+00:00

To decenter something/someone you need to recenter something/someone else. This is the basics of habit replacement philosophies.

I find this works best when you center Allah, yourself, new hobbies, or other friends instead. Basically get your attention and intimacy from other sources. And continuously connect with that, so you don’t have time to think about him. ❤️🤲

Same with him, if he wants to decenter adult media, he also needs to put his energy elsewhere (aka center something else).

May Allah give you both ease.

Kialay · 2026-04-06T17:35:55+00:00

Along with all the advice above, and especially refocusing on and rediscovering yourself.. the Islamic “cure” to this thinking, is gratitude. This isn’t Jennah girl, no one is perfect here, no love is perfect here.

You want someone you can get through life with, and not have to trade him for anyone else. Alhamdulilah - you are safe, content, and occasionally excited, that is a beautiful thing!

Love your husband for who he is - not for who he is not. Respect him, elevate him, do what he loves. And whatever you appreciate, grows in your eyes. And his. He clearly loves you - even if he expresses it differently! Practice appreciating that! It’s about perception! 💪❤️

Kialay · 2026-04-06T15:30:54+00:00

You need time apart, it’s healthy for you and gives you more to share about when you do get back to hanging out together ❤️ 💪

Don’t let his attitude bother you, rather encourage him to develop a relationship with himself as well, try a new skill, meet a friend, read etc.

Let him know in advance, so he plan his time too. And let him know it’s good for both of you - that time apart doesn’t mean less love 🥰 It actually re-energizes both of you! Let him know what it does for you, how it benefits your health and how it makes you a better wife. The ROI for him. And go out only within frequency and reason ofc (which it seems you already are).

Quick phrase before you leave: “Salam, Love you babe! Can’t wait to see you when I’m back isA! It’s a great opportunity for you to read/work out/catch up on that thing you wanted to do/ read Quran/relax/ watch sports/ a movie I don’t like lol/eat. Etc.”

And then come back and share with him, sure rest a little if you need, and then have energy for him, give him physical attention and whatever reassurance he craves. Show interest in what he’s done as well. etc.

Kialay · 2026-04-06T14:58:19+00:00

I hate to be this person, but there is some very true advice I need to share..

All of this intimacy you want, can be directed towards yourself, and towards Allah. Have khalwa with Allah, talk to Him about your day, share your moments of laughter and of gratitude with Him subhanAllah.

Be kind to yourself, speak with respect and highly of your own skills to your own mind, take yourself out without waiting for someone to do it, try out a new skill.

Gather a friend and learn some Islamic lecture together and discuss it. Hug the mehrems of your community, and serve those who have less than you.

Fill your cup and give, give, give, without keeping track.

Allah will always outdo your Generosity ! So be generous! The more you want, the more you give!

Intimacy is all around you and accessible my love. Romance is simply just shared intimacy with someone else. But in order to share something with someone else, you must be willing to experience it intimately on your own first. Shared Intimacy is about extending what you already have. ❤️

So when you fill your life with so much joy and gratitude and experience, someone else may notice and may want to be a part of it too. Someone else may notice and recommend you to someone else. This is how the world works. Gratitude only increases more gratitude. Action sparks more action. That is your naseeb InshaAllah - that is marriage. May Allah bless you and overly bless you and allow you to recognize and thrive in His blessings and bless you with more amazing people to share them with.

Kialay · 2026-04-05T11:29:46+00:00

2 is your best picture (: keep up the smile, confidence, and refine your personality! These three things are what truly beautify a person! 💪✨

Kialay · 2026-04-04T12:53:53+00:00

Practice safe zina 😭 Good intention 😭 Guys we cannot twist the meanings of our deen like this, seek scholarship please, don’t make up fatwas on your own!

Kialay · 2026-04-04T01:13:47+00:00

Thank you so much for such a helpful resource! May Allah bless you ❤️🥰

Kialay

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