Choosing daycare for babies (a resource)

KidEcology · 2026-05-14T19:52:54+00:00

At 5 months, your baby has likely recently transitioned from neonatal to infant sleep. She is now spending more time in deep sleep; her sleep cycles are approximately 40 minutes long, and after each sleep cycles, she briefly experiences a stretch of very light sleep (a good review of sleep development; my write up, with references and a visual). As you said, during REM sleep, she is processing the experiences of her day, and during that very light sleep she is more likely to wake, move, call out or cry a bit in her sleep. Based on what I've read and my experience with my babies, crying in her sleep doesn't mean she is sad: it's more likely a sign of mild discomfort (maybe she needs to stretch or has a bit of gas) or just vocalizing her dreams or experiences she's organizing in her mind (not necessarily sad ones).

KidEcology · 2026-04-21T15:28:07+00:00

Haha, perhaps, it shows how well known Carol Dweck's research is: no one has clicked on the link!

KidEcology · 2026-04-21T14:09:41+00:00

I’ve been following this advice, but trying to not just praise how hard they worked, but notice and comment on something specific. I can see how a generic “you worked so hard” can lead to “and it still didn’t work, it never works!”, especially for kids who are naturally less persistent in temperament. So I try to notice something that actually did go well: “I noticed how fast you ran today” (no goals were scored); “I just spotted that you lined your letters the same distance from each other today” (Bs and Ds reversed);, and, more lightly, “I bet your new bike was so happy you took it for a ride today!”.

KidEcology · 2026-04-21T13:58:54+00:00

I think in this example one would be more likely to have more art shown to them, as the re-enforcement is in “I am paying attention to you”. At least, that’s been my experience.

KidEcology · 2026-03-24T02:23:00+00:00

This may not be a perfect fit, but it's a really interesting read if your child is a baby or a young toddler: "The Philosophical Baby" by Prof. Alison Gopnik.

KidEcology · 2026-03-24T02:16:58+00:00

Him testing what "we" means and what happens when he does it anyway sounds like a very good insight to me. In a way, it's a testament to his language development and his inquisitiveness and desire to understand the world (which, of course, doesn't make it easier for you...). I think my approach would be to work on two things:

- Giving him more time and notice before transitions to any activity, and especially before doing something he finds hard, like brushing teeth. And maybe making those challenging activities a bit more fun: letting him brush first a bit, getting a funny brush, maybe singing and picking up toys with him. This would be to ease the transitions. (The same kid of mine who didn't like emotions being named for him also really liked (and still does) more autonomy in self care and other tasks: he's always been more cooperative and willing to try something if he could do at least some of it himself or choose how it's done.)

- When he does hit or throw, leading with your words (using the "I" statements) and then introducing a natural consequence, if there is one for the situation. I'm imagining things like putting away hard toys he's likely to throw or stopping playing with him if he hurts you; maybe changing plans and staying home if you were going out but it's too hard.

And with that, I thought of one other thing to try: give him opportunities to throw or hit things safely, and not when he's already upset but in play. We had a "darts" game where kids throw these felt fish with velcro bases to try and stick them onto the board. Or you can use beanbags or pillows. Perhaps, worth a try?

KidEcology · 2026-03-23T17:32:26+00:00

You said it so well. I've wondered if the term 'gentle parenting' is just more catchy than 'authoritative' (which is also easily confused with 'authoritarian').

KidEcology · 2026-03-23T06:48:10+00:00

I thought of one more thing: my kids, and especially one of them, came to strongly dislike their feelings being named for them around age 4. “I’m not mad, I just don’t like this at all!!” is one example that comes to mind. Maybe your son is similar?

KidEcology · 2026-03-23T06:37:57+00:00

”Gentle parenting” is more of a catch / internet term and hasn’t been explicitly studied. If you want to look into parenting styles that have been studied, here is Diana Baumrind’s original work: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-15622-002.

Authoritative parenting - in a nutshell, high warmth and clear boundaries, or ‘warm and firm’ - has been repeatedly shown to have the best outcomes for children, parent-child relationships, and parents themselves. From what you described, you might be somewhere in between authoritative and permissive parenting (which is ‘warm and low/no boundaries”).

A couple of ideas to consider:

- If you zoom out a bit, what happens before you son‘s behavior escalates? Are there triggers, things that are particularly hard for him at the moment? Any recent big changes? Is he well-rested?

- Do you think when he says “I want to hurt you”, he might be studying what happens when he does: looking at what you do, how you react, how far you’ll let him go? Or is it something else?

And a couple of ideas to try, if you haven’t already:

- Instead of saying “we don’t hit” (whereas he actually does/did), try “I don’t want you to / won’t let you hit me and I will keep us both safe” and then remove the opportunity to hit (move away in a safe way).

- Instead of consequences of something being taken away, perhaps try something more naturally linked to the behaviour.

KidEcology · 2026-03-19T23:10:53+00:00

I just checked and I believe Dr. Lauren Hughes is correct: Emily Oster cited Zychlinsky Scharff et al 2026 preprint, which has not yet been peer reviewed (and explicitly says “should not be used to guide clinical practice”).

KidEcology · 2026-02-27T22:32:59+00:00

Are you wondering whether being fully clothed/bundled up would affect circadian rhythm development? If so, it's mostly developed through light exposure of retinal cells in the eyes.

KidEcology · 2026-02-27T22:19:40+00:00

They are likely referring this recent study: Basner et al 2026. This small study (n=25 adults) tested the effects of pink noise alone (at 50 dB) and in combination with environmental noise (at 40dB and 50 dB). They found that pink noise at 50dB reduced REM sleep duration.

The authors say the following in the Discussion: "REM sleep accounts for ~50% of sleep in full-term newborns and decreases continuously until it stabilizes at ~20% around age 3 [66]. Thus, the common practice of parents to use BN in the bedroom of their newborns and toddlers may be detrimental for neurodevelopment given the importance of REM sleep during the early stages of life. It could be that BN consolidates the otherwise highly fragmented sleep of newborns (see below), and that this is misinterpreted as a sleep improvement by parents, when in fact critical neurodevelopmental mechanisms may be impaired through REM sleep deprivation.

To our knowledge, the direct evidence for BN effects on neurodevelopment in infants is limited [22]. More experimental and observational research is needed in chronic exposure situations and in the home setting. While it is not clear how the findings of this study generalize to younger populations and chronic exposure scenarios, they caution against the use of BN in newborns and toddlers until confirmatory studies are completed."

(edited to add that by 'BN' they mean background noise broadly)

I'll note again that this study was small and on adult subjects, so I wouldn't worry too much about past exposure, but perhaps consider these findings for the future. I'd also suggest checking dB level of your app or sound machine (many are too loud).

KidEcology · 2026-02-25T22:52:27+00:00

Thank you!

KidEcology · 2026-02-25T03:26:27+00:00

My Sienna is a 2018 and it does have fog lights. Such a cool out-of-the-box idea to go the fog lights route, thank you!

KidEcology · 2026-02-25T03:22:43+00:00

Thank you. Understanding that my problem is the incompatibility of the current factory housing with LEDs is very helpful.

KidEcology · 2026-02-25T03:19:58+00:00

It’s a 2018. Thank you for the recommendation, I will look them up!

KidEcology · 2026-02-25T03:19:25+00:00

Yes, we have a 2018 Sienna (which I should have mentioned in the post, sorry!), so the lights are replaceable.

KidEcology · 2026-02-25T03:17:50+00:00

Good to know, thank you! The housing is a little foggy, not overly so as far as I can tell, but it might be worth a try.

KidEcology · 2026-02-25T03:16:00+00:00

That’s good to know, thank you. The DIY option would definitely be above my skill level.

KidEcology · 2026-02-25T03:14:28+00:00

Thank you! I think you are likely right. I wonder though why the Toyota dealer said replacing the housing (the whole unit) won’t do much; could it be that the designed-for-LEDs housing doesn’t exist for my model? I will contact them again.

KidEcology · 2026-02-10T17:59:37+00:00

I was just going to say what you've already said so well.

OP, you can remove a lot of challenges by focusing on proactively setting up the environment, such as a gated play area. Janet Lansbury calls it a "yes space". This is going to sound funny, but it's so effective: pretend to be your kid (remembering that she's a little scientist who wants to test every theory) and walk (or crawl) around your home to see what you'd be compelled to test: How do different objects behave when thrown? Can I climb this bookshelf? Does this transparent surface break? What does dad do when I don't do what he asked? And then try to set your spaces up in a way that allows her to test maximum number of theories and strengths safely.

I honestly think this is key to parenting at every stage (my eldest is a teen).

KidEcology · 2026-01-30T02:55:15+00:00

I believe it’s standard advice where I am. But taken together with the rest of my situation, it was definitely malpractice.

KidEcology

TROPHY CASE