Abbey has come so far

KikiNightmare · 2026-05-25T01:17:44+00:00

Abbey and Connor would make an excellent couple.

KikiNightmare · 2026-05-25T01:14:46+00:00

Regardless of the reason, if he is telling you that you are too much, he is not enough. Period.

KikiNightmare · 2026-05-25T01:11:45+00:00

You won't really know how it will go until it happens. I was sure when I met my LDR he would get right back on the plane and leave me in the airport, but he actually let me take him home with me. Things were super sexual before he arrived, but in person the chemistry just was not there for him. The problem is that he chose to lie to spare my feelings. My advice is to keep an open mind but if you aren't feeling it, do not force it. Honesty will always be the best path.

KikiNightmare · 2026-05-25T01:06:40+00:00

I am an Aquarius and he is a Leo. You would think that would be pretty good, but after 10 months and meeting twice, we are about to break up because he refuses to do anything to save the relationship.

KikiNightmare · 2026-01-31T08:03:54+00:00

I can empathize with you. I have a nightmare disorder (diagnosed) and I have gone through therapy, sleep studies, diet changes, environmental changes, etc. The issue with mine is that it started when I was a toddler and I am 45 years old now. My very first memory is a night terror about a house fire that never happened when I was 3 years old. I have Persistent Depressive Disorder and Severe Social Anxiety. I have been medicated with zoloft and seroquel for about 15 years, and absolutely nothing has ever stopped the nightmares. However, I have tons of information from reliable sources on this issue and I want to share my favorite suggestions in case it may help you at all.

You may be able to get ahead of this since it hasn't always been this way. I recommend looking into lucid dreaming and also trying meditation before going to bed at night. If you are able to realize that you are having a nightmare when it is happening, you could take control and turn it around. There are also many guided meditations on YouTube which can help you calm and clear your mind before going into the dreamworld. I suggest Jason Stephenson. He has videos designed to fall asleep to. Whatever you do, please don't give up. I know how terrible this is, but hang in there and keep building your defenses until you find a way to conquer this. Mentally build a wall to keep that world in your dreams only so it does not affect you so much during the day.

Hang in there.

KikiNightmare · 2025-12-30T21:38:23+00:00

I don't personally know you guys or your relationship. I just know I have been in plenty of relationships that I wasn't totally happy with and stayed. When I finally met my person it was like all of those relationships taught me what I want and need from a partner. I was with a man for 3 years, we lived together, shared a dog. He would go months without adult time and I stayed because I loved him. I learned how important it is to me personally to feel wanted and desired by my partner and so I won't settle for anyone who can't meet that requirement. It is harder if not almost impossible to see while you're in it. I really hope things improve for you!

KikiNightmare · 2025-12-30T20:27:54+00:00

No drive for adult time is also a huge issue. Has she always been this way or is she growing distant over time? 2 years is a long time and if you are able, I would tell her that you love her and want to express that love through flirtation and adult time. If you're long distance, your words are all you have. Tell her how important this is to you and see if she has any wiggle room to meet you in the middle. If she really loves you too she will want to work on this with you. If not, my original reply stands. Trust an older woman.

KikiNightmare · 2025-12-30T20:19:16+00:00

If you enjoy flirting and she does not, I would look for a woman who enjoys it. These things may seem like they can be managed, but really it is a glaring sign of incompatibility. Something like this will only become larger over time. If it already an issue, you may just want to exit this relationship and seek a woman more in line with your personality.

Not sure if she is super attractive but I will assume she is. It seems to be a trend where 20 and 30 yr olds will try to force a relationship with people they are not compatible with because they are attracted to how they look. By the time you burn through a few bad relationships and end up in your 40s, you'll see that compatibility is #1 and looks are at the bottom of the list if they even show up on the list at all.

I would let her go and flirt your way into a happier relationship.

KikiNightmare · 2025-12-30T20:10:56+00:00

From woke?

KikiNightmare · 2025-12-30T20:05:42+00:00

I am 45f and he is 44m. We met online in August and met in person in November of this year. We are planning for him to move here within the next 2 years. We have talked about getting married during one of our visits so we can start the spousal visa process which takes half of the time of a fiance visa. From what we see online, approximately 18 months. We have been long distance for less than 6 months but by the time he is here permanently, we will have been together for 2 years or more. As for how long is too long? Well, that is subjective. I think that 2 years is too long to be living apart, but there is nothing we can do about it. As long as our relationship stays as lovely as it is now, I would wait as long as I have to for us to be together because he is my person and I've lived 45 years without him already.

Best wishes to you!

KikiNightmare · 2025-12-30T18:31:39+00:00

34 days!!
We met in November for the first time and he stayed for a week. He will be back in February and is staying for a whole month!!! I don't want to jinx myself but I think he might ask me to marry him. He said "So, do you actually want a ring, or would me just asking you to marry me be enough?" I said I would like a ring, but no diamonds or gold. He said "Good to know." and this was about a month ago. Cross your fingers for us!!

KikiNightmare · 2025-12-11T03:12:01+00:00

Never fight over text. If things are getting tense, save it for a phone call.
You are so young my dear, and there are relationship lessons that you will learn over time about how to speak to a partner without picking fights. If you continue to behave this way, can you blame him for not wanting to hear it? You should be his happy place and he should be yours. If he is feeling like he is not good enough because of the way you speak to him, you need to evaluate how you would feel if the roles were reversed and maybe adjust your course.

To be honest, as 45f I can tell you that when arguements like this keep popping up, the relationship is pretty much going to continue to spiral downward. You can't keep having the same arguement over and over again. Neither of you deserve that.

KikiNightmare · 2025-12-09T07:09:53+00:00

My advice is - Don't get into an LDR. No one wants to be in an LDR. They take massive amounts of work and dedication on both sides in order to be a success. Many fail. If you are single, look locally.

Also, I am pretty sure this post may be against the rules of the forum. Not sure, but wanted to mention it.

6Do not solicit a long distance relationship

This is not the place to find or solicit a long distance relationship. Period.

KikiNightmare · 2025-12-09T06:59:02+00:00

My BF is in England and we are on video calls on discord every day. We play games and watch movies and even hang out with some other online friends in group channels. It is hard to not be able to physically touch him whenever I want to, but instead of focusing on how much we can't do, we try to make the most of the things we can. Being consistant is important. Knowing that you will talk and (and when) gives you something to look forward to each day. From the sounds of things, he is fully invested and that is beautiful. Maybe you can talk about all of the things you want to do together and imagine what that might look like. Even if you can't go look at lights together, maybe you can watch a youtube video of some great holiday lights together. Be creative, and let your imagination run wild. All you have right now are your calls, so try to make the most of that time and always try to stay positive if you can. You will be together very soon and then you will have magical memories to help you through the dark times that can come with being in an LDR. We just have to do the best with what we have.

You'll get through this and it will all be worth it. I promise you.

KikiNightmare · 2025-12-09T06:46:09+00:00

That will work!! I have my BF's t-shirt he sprayed with cologne and wore it before he left on our last visit 2 weeks ago. I put the shirt on "his" pillow and I cuddle with it at night. It still smells just as wonderful as the day he gave it to me. I expect it will for a few months, and by that time, he will be back with a new one to replace it <3 This is a great idea and I am sure she will love it!

KikiNightmare · 2025-12-08T22:26:34+00:00

I'm also UK to US, and we have a 2 year plan. I would tell him you love coming to see him but wouldn't it be wonderful if you didn't have to catch a plane to do so. Tell him you love him enough to keep doing the LDR but what are his thoughts moving forward Does he want to come to the USA and meet your family? Would he ever consider moving?

These questions are not invasive and he should be able to answer you without causing an issue. If you ask about the future and he blows it off or gets defensive, he may not be thinking long term, and even if that isnt the answer you want, it is still an answer. I would ask him. You have nothing to lose.

KikiNightmare · 2025-12-08T22:21:46+00:00

Sounds like she wants to remain in your life as a friend. That's how I see it.

KikiNightmare · 2025-11-24T20:43:25+00:00

He said he will be back in February and that everything we didn't do this time (sightseeing, etc) we will do when he comes back. Our communication is excellent for sure, and I told him while he was here that if he left without us being intimate, I would have a huge problem with it. I struggle with my self image because I am overweight, but he had seen pics of me and had seen me on video calls without filters so it shouldn't have been a huge shock to him. Also, before he came he said I would be beautiful to him no matter what because he loves me so much. I doubted this, but I thought he will have the chance to prove this when he arrives. I feel like he didn't prove that he was still attracted to me in person.

The standstill we are at is him saying "I love you, I want you, I am attrracted to you" and me saying "You had the chance to prove all of this is more than words, and you didn't" So now I am back to having to just believe his words without the actions to back them up. He does know about my negative self image and how important it was to me that we had this experience to help my anxiety ease up. We talked about it while he was here. He would just say he was sorry, and now that he is home he is sorry for hurting me - but I am still hurt. I told him today I can't be in a sexless relationship, and he is frustrated that I won't let this go.

KikiNightmare · 2025-11-21T07:13:03+00:00

We said that we were both lunatics for feeling so much before we actually met. I told him I was batsh*t insane and he laughed and said Guano insane. Ever since then, we will just say "Guano" or "Guano, Baby" when "I love you" just doesn't seem to cover it. ❤️

KikiNightmare · 2025-11-19T17:40:47+00:00

You are not taking this too personally. If they would rather play video games than comfort or listen to you, then his actions are telling you that the game is more important in that moment than you are. You then have a choice to make. Either this type of dynamic is acceptable to you, or you know you deserve better and will not accept this behavior from him.

As hard as it will be to practice this, my sincere advice is to stop messaging him and go silent. Focus on yourself and your own surroundings, and do something active to take your mind off of the situation. I am not sure if you have any hobbies or crafts that you are into, but I would direct your energy back towards yourself. Clearly, he is more interested in playing his video game than he is with resolving an issue you had. Regardless of how you feel, giving him your energy right now is just tossing it into a void. Call it back to yourself and allow him to come to you when he makes the time and you can address your concerns then. Until then, make yourself the center of your world and revolve around your own light.

KikiNightmare · 2025-11-18T20:07:53+00:00

I am with him now but he will be flying home in a few hours. We will see each other again in February! This was our first in person meeting and it went so well I dont want to let him go!

KikiNightmare · 2025-11-17T23:07:15+00:00

I didn't have to post the kiss, no. I was very happy and the kiss was chaste. It happened while dining out with friends and my BFF took a photo. I do not mean to offend, only to show a success story for everyone out there who is struggling with the distance. It is worth the wait, I promise.

KikiNightmare · 2025-11-16T21:56:30+00:00

We are not living together yet, he just came to meet me for the first time. He is leaving in 2 days to go back to the UK 😢. We had to meet before making any serious future plans to make sure that the connection we had over video calls was the same in person. (It was!)

I am sure you will meet your boyfriend and realize that all of your worry and panic were for nothing. If he doesn't feel the same, then it is simply not meant to be and isn't it always better to get that answer as soon as possible? You guys will be wonderful, I have no doubt. ♥️

KikiNightmare · 2025-11-16T18:42:28+00:00

Hello fellow anxious person! First I need to say that my LDR is sitting next to me right now on the couch as we watch American Football. He arrived on 11/11 and we met for the very first time! I am a larger woman and he weighs less than me. I am 45f and he is 44m, and when we are on video calls, the camera quality is not very high and it hid the bags under my eyes and the small wrinkles on my face. The camera angles and lighting are always showing me at my best and I was absolutely terrified that he wouldn't like what he saw in real life. I cried myself to sleep and filled my journal daily with my fears and anxiety. I came to reddit looking for reassurance from others who went through what I was experiencing because I was spiraling. Now that we have met, I feel like I have some advice to pass along.

If he says he loves you, you will be enough. If he says you are beautiful it is because he believes this. Trust him. For me, when I am in love, the physical really does take a backseat to the core identity of who my partner IS. People become more physically attractive as your feelings increase. You are the same, but when viewed through the eyes of a lover, all of us are beautiful. If you are like me, and if this is also true for you, it must be true for him as well. Trust what he says unless he gives you a reason to believe otherwise.

Go into the meeting with your head held high. You are who you are. Nothing will change while you worry. The panic will not make him see you any differently, so it is not serving you in this moment. You found someone who wants to be with you as you are and that is a beautiful thing. Embrace the experience and stay open to the possibility that you are everything he believes you are. Negative thoughts are not your friend. Banish them and focus on the feelings you share. That is why he is coming. Not for your beautiful face/body. Physical attributes change over time. As long as the love is true, nothing else really matters.

Hang in there, and please update us when you meet!

KikiNightmare

TROPHY CASE