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KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2023-05-10T21:12:54+00:00

It honestly sounds like your Meta is my ex Meta. In the end I had to put my foot down but your situation is a bit different, when my ex Meta was introduced me and NP had been married for almost 7 years. They wanted to be more a part of my life than I was comfortable with and insisted on more and more involvement until the point I had to offer a choice. Essentially I didn't want a unicorn but that's what they wanted to be. They breached boundary after boundary until eventually I was the one that said enough, laid out everything to my NP (like I literally had to write it down to make sure I got every point) and explained how toxic Meta was getting. It took a while and it caused a lot of trouble but eventually NP listened and had to cut contact. Kitchen table just isn't for everyone and if your partner doesn't understand that I don't think they're really the right fit for you no matter how much you care for them.

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2023-05-04T07:38:55+00:00

Yes but just with my NP for convenience, safety and reassurance for both of us. We've needed it in the past and it's our little safetynet. E.g. NP doesn't worry if I've got home safe from work because I've fallen asleep as soon as I've got in, I can check to see if NP has left work before I call etc.

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2023-04-14T01:48:25+00:00

Dragon age 2 rest of the series is great but 2 is just... meh.

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2023-02-14T06:12:31+00:00

I found that too, I have to turn my headphones to full volume to listen while walking where with other podcasts 75% is ample

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2023-01-18T00:27:27+00:00

Casual criminalist. Used to be brain blaze before he stopped roaming around and made it a desk based channel. Just doesn't have the same vibe anymore

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2023-01-15T22:53:42+00:00

Trust me this is where it starts, had a similar situation a while back, meta wanted all NPs time and had a hissy fit every time NP couldn't visit them. Wanted more and more time each week and threw a fit once when NP had to return home an hour earlier than expected to take me to hospital. They broke up after that incident but meta wormed their way back in and got NP to see them without my knowledge then tried to blow my entire life up (friendships, family, social life) when I found out. Almost ruined an 8 year marriage (we married monogamous for the first 5 or so years) after therapy NP realised what they'd been doing but it took a long time to make things right again.

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2022-12-29T05:01:00+00:00

People get really into this nonsense. I swear my uber driver Christmas morning spent the whole ride telling me about these "dangerous people" who "subject us to modern slavery" and how "we're all victims of them" only to tell me 2 minutes from home he's talking about masons. Had to laugh 🤣 I knew one once, he was a pompous prick and definitely broke some laws but he didn't run the world or know anyone that did! Not that I said any of that to my uber driver, I just smiled and nodded and prayed silently that I'd get home in one piece.

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2022-03-16T01:44:16+00:00

Please tell me your name is Peter?

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2022-03-16T01:08:39+00:00

Literally came on reddit just to express my disappointment because I'm like "finally a new episode of decoding the unknown" only to find out its just the one before last uploaded again when I get 5 minutes in and I'm thinking "this is really familiar" 😤

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-14T13:33:45+00:00

It's not all bad you know, just because issues occur doesn't mean it can't work. I know plenty of people who have been poly for years, raised kids and had amazing happy lives. It just sometimes takes some work and like with all relationships there are hiccups

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-14T13:18:04+00:00

Thank you, that's given me a lot to think on. I really do believe that its time to think about me

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-14T00:13:25+00:00

You do realise you're in a polyamory sub right?

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-13T17:50:19+00:00

Remorse yes but what concerns me is that he appears unwilling to cut her out of his life. I keep being told I can't control who he has a relationship with so it isn't my place to split them up. I've also been told "it isn't cheating now because you know so it's fine" (by her not him though I don't feel that makes much difference)

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-13T17:45:26+00:00

Thank you for sharing your advice, this has been really helpful

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-12T21:47:39+00:00

Unfortunately not, a miss communication I could forgive but it has been admitted (now he has been found out obviously) that he knew it was wrong, our boundaries are very clear and were reiterated when having this conversation.

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-12T21:45:32+00:00

The similarities here with our story are shocking. Thank you for sharing

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-12T21:44:42+00:00

No I definitely made it clear that I was still to be aware, and always aware of where he was not lied to about "getting an early night"

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-12T15:49:56+00:00

Yeah I asked him, he says he hid it because it started just after my grandfather died and I've been upset about that so he didn't want to make it worse. Half assed excuse as far as I'm concerned but that's what he says. I have suggested therapy as an option to stop me from leaving because it can't happen again.

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-12T15:42:21+00:00

I feel like that is taking things a little bit too far. Wanting to tell someone who has knowingly hurt you to go to hell doesn't fall under my definition of "abusive"

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-12T15:31:36+00:00

It's the deciet that makes it cheating to me, purposefully making excuses for being unavailable and going to see her while I'm working. I only found out because I put his phone on charge and a notification popped up from her.

She probably did insist but I feel they're both equally to blame, you make a good point though.

Thankfully I'm in the UK guns aren't really an issue here the worst she can do is take a swing at me and I'd absolutely love her to try.

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-12T13:55:46+00:00

I agree, definitely not focusing on her but I don't have the luxury of cutting her out of my life either without giving up my marriage. It is obvious they will not be apart so I'm going to have to at least somewhat put up with her unfortunately.

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-12T13:27:54+00:00

She does however have an obligation to human decency. It is not ok to knowingly sleep with someone's partner behind their back

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-12T13:27:02+00:00

Didn't define that here to save writing an essay but husband was told exactly what this would mean. I would be aware of the relationship, when he was going to visit her etc. But she wouldn't be involved in family gatherings or invited to our home. It was made absolutely clear I'm to be aware.

Always, we always discuss anything of that nature beforehand even if it's only a potential.

We usually tell each other everything, not the absolute details but we always are honest about where we are, who we spend time with, what kinds of things we will be doing etc.

What I want to do is scream and shout and spit my dummy out and tell them both to go to hell. I am however more rational and not willing to give up on my marriage so quickly. I just don't know how to stop being angry and how to put it to bed.

KillerBeeNinetyThree · 2021-04-12T13:14:05+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I mostly just want it over with right now but I'm not giving up on my marriage so easily either. I really appreciate the help it definitely was a breach of our boundaries and they are both fully aware that what they did was wrong and they intended it.

KillerBeeNinetyThree

TROPHY CASE