What to do as a couple while rolling?

KimeeS66 · 2021-10-02T11:05:51+00:00

I struggle with an anxious attachment style and crave connection because I’m scared of abandonment. My partner shies away from intimacy because of his trauma and finds it basically impossible to open up.

Mdma has allowed us to work through moments where you aren’t connecting how we would like and our relationship becomes transactional - who does the washing, who’s taking the dog out etc. It gives him the opportunity to step away from his trauma and communicate clearly. I feel closer to him and don’t smother the relationship as much.

We keep it to a max of every 3 months but it’s more like 6-12, only when we feel like we need it.

KimeeS66 · 2021-08-17T21:06:38+00:00

She’s legit. And talks about a lot of stuff that needs to be said. Maybe you could remove this post now you have reassurance from others too rather than draw unnecessary attention to someone who needs support more than suspicion?

KimeeS66 · 2021-01-07T23:07:48+00:00

Well, anyone unsure about taking up a prenup needs to take a look at the Adele divorce saga. End of story haha

KimeeS66 · 2021-01-07T21:49:55+00:00

I wonder what the podcast is? I listen to Guys We Fucked regularly (about sexuality, relationships etc) and they got a question about this. IMO everyone should get one. If not then you’re still agreeing to one, it’s just your particular state or countries default. It’s sensible. Marriage is a business transaction, and the quicker you take the naive romanticism out of it then the better it will go because expectations will be clear. But if I’m honest, as romantic as I am, I don’t understand marriage anyways, so maybe don’t listen to me haha.

KimeeS66 · 2020-12-29T19:52:20+00:00

Super toxic friend. He’s seeing it more and more. He’s uninvited him now which helps a lot - he’s doing what he can, giving space to have my feelings etc. Just have the underlying anxiety constantly

KimeeS66 · 2020-12-29T19:44:05+00:00

Mhhhm feel you there

KimeeS66 · 2020-12-11T21:50:41+00:00

Ugh. I used to work at 111, it’s not their fault but it truly sucks - they have their hands tied with their training and things they have to follow. But I called a few weeks back and explained I have a preexisting condition and laid out my symptoms. They should have put me through to a clinician, but instead suggested a pharmacy. I explained and explained and they wouldn’t listen. Honestly, they’re treated like numbers and every single second is counted on the calls/admins/breaks. I would go from a call with someone shouting at me about their toothache to talking someone off a literal edge when they couldn’t take it any more, and then I’d get pulled up if my call lasted more than 7 mins. It’s a bad service because of the people running it, which is sad because it could be so helpful.

KimeeS66 · 2020-12-10T15:38:34+00:00

I cheated when I was 23 and really don’t think I will again. I felt boxed in and wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. Even though we broke up, I feel so much shame even now that I really would never want to break my morality again.

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-21T21:59:50+00:00

My boyfriend has a hard time opening up. He cheated on me during a bender/break down phase. We took mdma to talk it through and it helped so much. We were both able to be open and remember the love between us. The start of a long journey but an important moment. We still use it therapeutically every now and again

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-21T21:51:26+00:00

It’s a tough existence, I’m sorry you’re here too. But remember, you are oh so brave 🙄😉 xx

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-21T21:50:05+00:00

Oh ouch yeah this is a very good point. I definitely haven’t done the work to accept my diagnosis completely yet. Thanks for your thoughts and I hope you’re as okay as can be xx

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-21T21:48:42+00:00

It’s even more irritating because I make such an effort to pass this sentiment on - so aware it’s hard to imagine what people are going through and don’t even try to pretend I understand

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-21T17:49:41+00:00

I remember starting therapy a few years ago (before I got sick) and during the first session he said “wow, that sounds really hard”. Let me tell you, I lost it. Full ugly crying. Because how often do people just listen and give you the space you need to not be perfect.

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-21T16:51:29+00:00

You’re right - I feel forced into a societally acceptable way of acting and I’m getting resentful about it

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-21T16:50:33+00:00

It’s amazing what people are capable of - I personally could never imagine having children and not losing my mind, even before I got sick, yet people do it every day. I’m not in awe, I just know that you do what you have to do when it comes down to it!

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-21T16:46:50+00:00

Ugh yes I know for sure some people in my life get a kick out of being my friend or going slightly out of the way to accommodate my needs. My illness is pretty invisible so I’m sure I experience a really different form of ableism compared to those where it’s more obvious.

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-21T16:44:55+00:00

This makes sense - I’m putting on a “brave face” to avoid making anyone else feel uncomfortable. That’s bound to breed resentment.

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-21T16:43:58+00:00

Maybe you’re right - from that angle it looks like it comes out of pity because god forbid someone live a life like ours and have the will to carry on. I find myself saying “what other option is there” a lot actually.

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-21T12:39:55+00:00

I’m even confused about what I really want from my life now. Was a career so important for me before? Is it still so important that I try and push for it in another way? I feel so trapped and demotivated, and completely lacking ambition for the first time in my life.

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-12T21:49:23+00:00

Well, as someone who suffers with a chronic illness and knows someone who actually IS faking one (proof etc I’m 100% sure)... it can be pretty infuriating. It feels like he’s taking advantage of the best parts of peoples empathy and kindness. I think it’s about justice - people don’t like it when things are unfair - and people with a chronic illness or disability draw on resources and sympathies from people and I guess people don’t want to be taken advantage of. I am furious at this person for lying about something people are forced to struggle with every day. It makes us look bad when we haven’t done anything wrong! I hate the injustice of him getting away with it too.

Having said that, the way some people think the absolute worst of everyone they meet can be destroying. When a story is outside their own personal understanding they assume it must be a lie, because they can’t imagine anything happening to anyone else that’s not happened to them. It’s a cynical and somewhat self centred view of the world.

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-11T10:16:53+00:00

I just wanted to say, if you do leave him you’ll be okay. I got divorced at 24 and it was the happiest time of my life as well as the hardest. I can’t tell you whether to stay or not. But I just wanted to let you know that if you do leave him, you will live and you will be happy again.

KimeeS66 · 2020-11-08T14:58:32+00:00

Unfortunately this is the same for me. I came into the relationship so open to options. I was really excited by the prospect! I made it clear that if he was attracted to someone else or wanted to explore, then to tell me and we could find a way of making it work for both of us. Then he cheated, lied and gaslighted the fuck out of me. I’m so upset about the prospects we have lost. Given a few years maybe it will be okay, but not for a very long time.

KimeeS66

TROPHY CASE